5 FACTS WE LEARNED FROM THE NEW FORCE AWAKENS TRAILER

HOLLYWOOD – Here are 5 five things we learned from the new Star Wars Episode 7: The Force Awakens Trailer.

The Studio Exec FACT squad has been on red alert all day watching the new The Force Awakens trailer on a loop and we have detected a disturbance in the FACTS. We’ve turned off our targeting computers and can now safely say: may the FACTS be with you.

1. It looks almost certain that Harrison Ford is going to participate in the new Star Wars film. How they kept this a secret is still a mystery, but brilliantly done J.J. Abrams! Now, there has been some discussion as to who Harrison Ford will play, with some thinking him a shoo-in for his old role of Han Solo, but there’s always a chance that Mark Hamill will play Solo and Harrison Ford will play Luke Skywalker – just like the switcheroo in the last Abrams’ directed Star Trek film.

2. Harrison Ford is definitely not playing Chewbacca, who you can see in the final shot standing right next to him. It looks like Chewbacca will be entirely CGI this time round, which will come as a relief to all of us who thought there were far too many real people in the Prequels. Carrie Fisher has been CGI for the last five years in preparation for the role.

3. There will be light sabres. A bit of a shocker here. Given this film is set some years on from the end of Return of the Jedi, many of us were hoping that the old fashioned weaponry of the Jedi would have been updated to something more fancy. Rather than a light sword, what about a light gun?

4. R2D2 is now a father. His son is a cheeky little devil and I imagine the inspiration comes from the old Scooby and Scrappy cartoon which George Lucas has gone on record as calling the ‘fountainhead of everything I do’. Along with Joseph Campbell.

5. Everyone Luke Skywalker knows is strong in the force. As his voice over states, ‘The Force runs strong in my family. My father had it, I have it, my sister has it, you have it…’ The you is obviously me, because I was watching the trailer when he said it and there was no one else there, so I’ll be turning off my targeting computer and destroying Death Stars before you can say ‘Those are not the FACTS we were looking for.’

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JJ ABRAMS’ MILLENNIUM FALCON PIC CAUSES CONFUSION

HOLLYWOOD – A new picture of the Millennium Falcon from the set of J.J. Abrams’ Star Wars: Episode 7 has caused huge internet confusion mixed with consternation and laced with trepidation.

The picture of the Millennium Falcon was put up by Mr. Abrams who has been strategically teasing glimpses of the production from concept art to a photograph of the first read through. However, initial reaction ranged from puzzled to furious.

‘Is that what I think it is?’ commented a wryly amused George Lucas. ‘Oh well. Whatever.’

On twitter @EwoksBinks – commonly recognised as the biggest Star Wars fan in the world – tweeted, ‘This is an outrage. 1st genocide, then child diseases and now this? #GodisNotGood’

Abrams himself however played down the controversy and in an EXCLUSIVE telephone conversation with Studio Exec revealed the direction the Star Wars universe might be taking:

Everyone knows I did Star Trek coming into this. And so I was always going to be influenced by that universe. So I’ve been thinking more and more, what if the two universes were actually one universe? I talked to Disney and they said ‘Would it be cheap?’ I said, ‘Yeah’, and so here we are.

Can you give us any other hints of how Star Trek is influencing Star Wars?

No, not at all. To tell you anymore would be illogical as Chewbaccca would say!

Star Wars 7: The Wrath of the Sith will be released in 2016.

 

5 FACTS WE LEARNED FROM COMIC-CON

SAN DIEGO – The Comic-Con Convention continues to provide amazing copy, with some amazing news coming out for film and TV fans. Here’s what we have learned so far.

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5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT STAR WARS EPISODE 7

LONDON – Everyone is looking forward to actually seeing J.J. Abrams’ Star Wars: Episode 7 but what about a load of FACTS from a galaxy far far away? What? Yes? Well okay then.

May the FACTS be with you!

1. The film will take place entirely on the forest moon Endor and all the characters will be Ewoks except for one who will be a Gungan.

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STAR WARS 7 WILL FOCUS ENTIRELY ON CHILDREN

HOLLYWOOD – Rumors have been flying around all week about the J.J. Abrams directed Star Wars 7 but Studio Exec can now exclusively reveal  that the new entry into the Star Wars universe will focus entirely on children. 

A source close to the Disney production revealed the decision had been made after the departure of Toy Story 3 scribe Michael Ardnt:

Ardnt had been hired because Abrams wanted to get the film back to its roots of childlike fantasy and wonder. He had too much darkness in Star Trek into Darkness and now wanted something altogether more light, but Ardnt didn’t baby it up enough for him. We have this huge poster of Jake Lloyd in the office and Abrams points to it continually as he screams at everyone ‘to Jar-Jar the Ewok up!’ No, we don’t know what he means by that either.

Jake LloydSuspicions had already been raised when the casting agency sent out call sheets for 3-12 year olds for characters such as Little Luke, Han Jr and the Jar-Jar quads. The setting of the film will be a space academy (similar to Ender’s Game) and Harrison Ford is expected to show up as curmudgeonly Geography teacher (and finally get to explain that parsecs are a unit of distance rather than time). There will also be comedy kid aliens who say ‘poop’ and ‘how wude!’ a lot and juvenile robots who pee motor oil.  

Our source revealed that the studio is aiming for something ‘like the first Harry Potter but without the deep bitterness and cynicism. J.J. has added extra “yippee”s as a homage to Lucas.’ 

Star Wars Episode 7 is scheduled for release in 2015.