HOLLYWOOD – With the news that there will be a stand alone Star Wars Anthology movie for Han Solo directed by Chris Miller and Phil Lord, the Studio Exec FACT Squad jumped into their Millennium Falcon and ‘punched it’.
So here are the five FACTS you need to know but didn’t about the man who made the Kessel run in under 12 par secs.
1. The Kessler Run is actually a really short distance and most people make it in 5 par secs easy. Han Solo has always been a bad liar, often making his lies less impressive than the truth would have been.
2. Han Solo’s real name is Derek ‘Hand’ Solo. The nickname ‘hand’ comes from the old Academy days when ‘Hand’ was known mainly for his endless devotion to Onanism. He dropped the ‘D’ for obvious reasons.
3. Wookie co-pilot Chewbacca and Han Solo have only had sex with each other once when they were both very drunk. Neither have ruled a repetition out, but have no plans to take the relationship any further.
4. The Millennium Falcon actually belongs to Chewbacca, but Wookies are notoriously inept at legal niceties and Han Solo just pretends it belongs to him. He’s been doing it so long now that when the time comes to pay the insurance both Chewbacca and Han Solo are surprised to find the ship in Chewbacca’s name. They laugh over this now.
5. Han Solo never actually married Princess Leia. They just live together and have great sex.
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HOLLYWOOD – For the umpteenth time, the Studio Exec brings an EXCLUSIVE preview of the new Han Solo who is to star in the upcoming Star Wars Anthology movie to be directed by Chris Miller and Phil Lord.
Very little is known about the young actor and we don’t even have his name but he will play Han Solo in the new movie and as you can see the costume is on traditional lines, with the trademark blaster and holster.
Han Solo has been everybody’s favorite Star Wars character, except for director Terrence Malick who – due to idiosyncrasy – prefers Jabba the Hutt.
A source close to the team that brought us Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, The Lego Movie and 21 Jump Street said that the boys were extremely excited about landing the job.
Chris and Phil are both huge geeks as can be evidenced from the many in jokes, throughout their films. I think this is a perfect fit for them and I know they already have a lot of ideas about where to take the new movie and especially the look it ought to have. They really want to get back to that physical universe of the 1970s. You know a blocky aesthetic.
There is very little about the plot that we know yet, though rumor has it the new film will trace the early adventures of Han Solo as a smuggler and his first meeting with Chewbacca. The character was first made famous by an actor called Harrison Ford who will also be appearing in a later Han Solo film called Never Say Never Again.
Han Solo: Cloudy With a Chance of Wookie will be released in 2017.