5 FACTS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT AVENGERS: ENDGAME

HOLLYWOOD – Avengers: Endgame is almost upon us so what do you need to know?

As tickets for Avengers: Endgame go on sale, here are five FACTS for you to MARVEL at.

1 Iron Man will be played by Chris Evans and Robert Downey Jr will play Captain America, because they are bored.

2 The Hulk will get angry at a decisive moment.

3 Stan Lee’s body will make a cameo – Weekend at Bernie’s style.

4 Captain Marvel will be amazing. The ending won’t be anywhere near as good as the ending of Infinity War. Many of the surprises you already know, so they’ll kill off someone unexpectedly/expectedly in the first five minutes so you’ll lose your shit.

5 You’ll be humming the score for a couple of seconds and then completely forget it.

For more FACTS click HERE.

MARVEL AND DC MERGE

SAN DIEGO – Marvel and DC Comics have merged it was revealed at Comic-Con in San Diego.

During a joint presentation in Hall H of Comic-Con, Marvel and DC Comics revealed that they are to merge to become Darvec, a super media conglomerate that will make all the movies for the next thirty years.

In a joint statement, Marvel and DC Comics spokesperson Stan Lee told astonished fans:

This is great news. We will producing a whole new slate of films with a shared universe in which all your favorite characters will interact and everything will be inter-related and we can argue and get really mad on the internet about nothing at all.

Reaction was loud with many threatening self-immolation and boycotts, but Ben Affleck welcomed the news.

The first film to be released will be Batman v Superman v Captain America v Iron Man in February, 2017, followed in 2018 by Justice League v Avengers.

EVERYBODY TO PLAY SPIDER-MAN

HOLLYWOOD – It was announced today that everyone would get an opportunity to play Spider-Man in the upcoming reboot of the highly successful franchise.

Following in the footsteps of Tobey Maguire and Andrew Garfield, Tom Holland will be the first web-slinger front and center for the new Spider-Man film, to be followed five minutes later by Aaron Aarman, and then in alphabetical order, everyone else on the planet (with the exception of blacks and gays and women).

A Marvel spokesperson told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

Listen Peter Parker is a kind of everyman figure. Or at least every white, straight man figure, ha! But you know what I mean. Yes, he has superpowers. Yes he can climb walls and swing from webs that he shoots from his wrists, but really he’s just like you or me (as long as you’re not black or gay or a woman). So we’re going to give everyone the chance to play him. This way we’ll also broaden his appeal and lord knows there are enough films to go around. We’re planning to have a new Spider-Man movie every year with a new reboot every three.

Comic book legend and cameo junkie Stan Lee gave his thumbs up to the idea in an internal memo, in which he expressed his delight at the money.

Spider-Man’s Got Talent will be released in 2016.