KRISTEN STEWART SUES BAFTA

HOLLYWOOD – Kristen Stewart sues BAFTA for defamation of character portrayal as the British Academy snubs her in this year’s awards. A spokesperson for the Royal Family has also confirmed she will be doing so as a ‘private citizen’. So, as Kristen Stewart sues BAFTA, The Exec sat down to speak to her about this litigious decision.

So Kristen, This Seems Like Drastic Action To Take?

You will address me as Her Royal Highness, Princess Of Hearts, what-what-what.

Eh? But You ARE Kristen Stewart. The Actress. Diana Was A Character You Portrayed.

You utter buffoon. You sound exactly like those proletariat, Windsor-minions at BAFTA. They have their tongues so far up the Royal family’s what-have-you it was obvious they were never going to nominate one for Best Actress. What-what-what.

But Is It Right To Expect Nominations?

Look ‘ere, Miles, if that even is your real name. One did not become another person for nothing y’know. I went to the trouble of being possessed for this picture. For What? Just to have those Gin swigging BAFTA oiks to ignore one? We are not amused. That lot wouldn’t know a decent performance if it bit them on their civil list. What-what-what.

What Do You Hope To Achieve With This Court Action?

One isn’t doing it for one’s self y’know. One is taking this action for all the other A-list actors out there. Those brave souls taking highly paid roles with the reasonable expectation of snagging a statuette or seven. One wants to stand on stages and know that people love me. LOVE ME! All my subjects must love me. The adoration of common movie attendees along with perfume advertising paychecks is not enough. One must have awards. What-what-what.

That Sounds Very Noble Of You

Well, one is nobility, after all. Hahahaha! What-what-what.

The BAFTA Awards Take Place On March 13th

KRISTEN STEWART SUES CHARLES FOR ALIMONY

Breaking News – Kristen Stewart sues Charles for alimony after claiming she had ‘weird, spiritual feelings’ playing Princess Diana in her new film, Spencer. With years of backdated child support owing, which could cost the Windsors millions of pounds, Kristen Stewart sues Charles. The Exec caught up with the actress to discuss the impending court case.

Kristen, Can you Tell Us Why-

Look here, what-what-what. You shall address one by one’s correct title. That is ‘Your Royal Highness, Princess Of Hearts’. What-what-what.

Okay, If You Insist, Your Royal Highness, Princess Of Hearts.

That’s much better, what-what-what. It occurred to one while shooting one’s biopic, Spencer, that one’s ex, that is Prince Charles, owes me alimony. He’s never paid me a penny in child support.

I Don’t Like To Say This, But You’re Not Diana Spencer. She’s Been Dead For Years. You’re Kristen Stewart. A wonderful actress. But An Actress Nonetheless. Not Princess Diana.

Awf with his head! One has never been so insulted.

She Never Said Off With His Head – That’s The Queen Of Hearts in Alice In Wonderland.

How dare you sir. I am – That is – One is beloved the world round. Charities queue up out of the door for my patronage. I make them millions of pounds. One tried to deal with this amicably, but Prince Charles wouldn’t take my agent’s calls. The way one sees it, one is spiritually channeling Diana. Because one is the embodiment of all that she stood for. Charity, motherhood, ummm… opening hospitals and that. So, one is owed plenty dollar. We were not amused.

That was Queen Victoria

Let me state the position. Ladies first, yes?

 

Queen Latifah

I want to break free from your lies?

 

Freddie Mercury From Queen

Oh FUCK YOU!

There we go.

Buckingham Palace Were Not Available For Comment. Spencer Is Out In Cinemas On November 5th.

KRISTEN STEWART: PRINCESS DIANA AND I BOTH HAVE TILTY HEAD DISEASE

HOLLYWOOD – Kristen Stewart talks about playing Princess Diana in the new film Spencer.

Kristen Stewart revealed that her new role as Princess Diana opened up to her for very personal reasons. In an EXCLUSIVE interview with the Studio Exec, Patrick Stewart’s daughter had this to say:

I look at myself and Diana and the similarities are manifold. We both became very famous, very young. We were both the victims of a huge amount of press attention. And yet the real similarity, the core of the character that I sort of latched on to, was the fact that we both from a very young age suffered from Tilty Head Disease.

Tilty Head Disease (or THD) is a neurological condition that causes the muscles in the neck to weaken forcing the sufferer to peer up at you with their head at an angle.

As an actress it’s very important that you control your body. So THD was a very real problem for me. It was only when I read in a magazine that Princess Di also had this disease that I felt confident enough to pursue my career. Yes, I struggled. But in the end with her inspiration I got through it. And now I’m here playing here. It’s nuts.

How did Tilty Head Disease affect Diana?

Well, most obviously the problem of the crown she had to wear. It would keep sliding off and bouncing off her shoulder and onto the floor. To avoid this she took to wearing tiaras, which until then were like no way. Also it affected the way she related to the press. It’s really hurtful to see some of the footage of her and the press are screaming: ‘Look up Diana! Why are you looking are the ground Diana? Oh God her hat’s fallen off again!’ She was a martyr in many ways.

Is it true the THD could also have contributed to her death?

I don’t know about that, but there is a theory that she needed a chauffeur because she couldn’t see through the windscreen properly.

Spencer comes out in 2021.