BOURNE V BOND GREEN LIT

HOLLYWOOD – Following the success of Jason Bourne and Spectre, the world’s most famous secret agents and to appear in a new film provisionally entitled Bourne v Bond.

Matt Damon and Daniel Craig today announced in a joint press conference that filming is to begin this month on Bourne v Bond, the first mash-up of the Robert Ludlum and Ian Fleming characters, James Bond and Jason Bourne, since Quantum of Solace.

Matt Damon speaking EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec had this to say:

Anybody watching Jason Bourne had to see that we’ve run out of steam. I mean the first Bourne film was good and then the second and the third were great but basically the same film done over and so what more is there that we can do? I was talking to Paul Greengrass and he asked what would happen if Bourne met Bond and that was the point where the lights seemed to come on.

Daniel Craig nodded, smiling:

We were at the same point. We watched Spectre and we thought, Wow! That looks really tired. It’s like we put all the fun stuff in the first ten minutes and then everything else was just m’eh! So when Matt and Paul called Sam and I were just knocked out. We met in a hotel the four of us and had a real story conference and what we came up with I think will be very exciting.

What did you come up with?

MD: In the broadest possible terms, it goes like this. Bond is sent after Bourne because British intelligence believe he is a threat to their national security, But it turns out Bourne has been framed by Spectre and Treadstone and Bond and Bourne must join forces.

So they’ll fight.

DC: Yes, they will. There’ll be real animosity there, but they realize at the last minute that both their mothers were called Martha.

MD: Isn’t that just…?

Amazing!

DC: Yes.

Bourne v Bond will be released in 2017.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

ALAN ALDA RULES HIMSELF OUT OF JAMES BOND

HOLLYWOOD – The rumors have reached a peak intenstity but Alan Alda gave what seemed like the definitive answer today: he would not under any circumstances be playing James Bond, 007.

With Daniel Craig’s tenure as the most famous British secret agent comes to a close, his replacement is becoming a hot ticket of discussion, but one name that was until now leading the pack has seen fit to rule himself out. Alan Alda told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY that he would not be playing the role even if it were offered him.

It is always very flattering to hear yourself considered for a role but I believe it is unfair to an actor who is still playing that role to talk about it. However, such has been the furore and speculation, I feel it’s only right for me to come out and say without any equivocation that I will not be playing 007, James Bond either now or any time in the future.

But why?

Several reasons. First of all I’m not British and I believe that being British, or Irish in the case of Pierce Brosnan is kind of important. An American won’t get it. Shouldn’t even try. Look at what happened when they went with George Lazenby the Australian. It was a disaster.

I see. 

And the other reason is I just think I’m too old for the role.

Oh come on.

No, I know. The role has always called for a more mature actor, but I’m 80 and the role is very physical. I’m pretty fit but essentially .

Alan Alda will be appearing as Jason Bourne in The Bourne Nap.

ANDREW SCOTT CAUGHT IN ATTIC WEARING T-SHIRT

LONDON – Andrew Scott is photographed wearing a faded pink shirt in a dirty warehouse.

You might know him as Moriarty from TV’s Sherlock, or as the villain in Spectre, or Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation, but Andrew Scott was reeling today at the revelation that he was wearing a pink t-shirt in an attic.

The evidence was published in the British newspaper The Independent and clearly shows the 39 year old actor sitting on a disused radiator, leaning on the windowsill of what looks like some kind of grimy warehouse. The Irish actor says that he was rehearsing a play, but critics quickly pointed out that as Scott was famous from being on television and in big budget films it simply wasn’t credible that he would be in a ‘play’ which is something that takes place in the theater, according to experts. In the photograph, he can be seen smiling weakly and wearing a faded pink t-shirt and jeans. His arms are folded in an attempt at nonchalance, but in his eyes a deep sadness brims to the surface, seeming to say ‘Why am I sitting on the windowsill of a grimy warehouse wearing this t-shirt? I’m so cold. So cold.’

His Hollywood co-stars were quick to defend him. Tom Cruise said that ‘Andrew is one of the most talented actors I’ve ever worked with. And if he wants to wear a faded pink t-shirt I say let him. I’m sure he was doing it to prepare for a role or something.’ Taking a break from taking a break from Bond, Daniel Craig said that the photograph was ‘typical Scott.’

 What you have to understand is that Andrew is a joker. Chances are you’ll see another couple of pictures of him wearing a fake fur coat and standing on a beach near a power station or something similar.

Andrew Scott will be appearing in The Dazzle.

QUANTUM OF SOLACE IS THE BEST BOND MOVIE EVER

HOLLYWOOD – Daniel Craig’s second outing as secret agent 007 Quantum of Solace has been widely reviled but is actually the best Bond movie ever.

I’m putting it on the line here. Everyone had high expectations for the follow up to Daniel Craig’s brilliant debut as James Bond Casino Royale. But when Quantum of Solace hit the screens in 2008 there was a sense of dismay as Bond went too Bourne, Marc Foster’s hyper kinetic direction and  a sense of general confusion marred what should have been a triumphant second chapter. Many blamed the script strike which had Daniel Craig and Mathieu Amalric  trying to put scenes together themselves in the absence of a finished draft, or over enthusiasm on the part of the producers to cash in on the success of the first film.

However, re-watching Quantum of Solace I have to say it is the best Bond movie ever.  My reasons? Okay, if you insist.

The idea of starting the film directly from the end of Casino Royale sets the stage for the whole Craig cycle of Bond films. Of all the Bonds, Craig is unique in creating a through line and giving his character some genuine depth and development. In fact, even in Quantum of Solace, we see Craig change and learn. The only problem with this is that almost every Craig Bond is an origin story. Except perhaps Spectre, but even… well SPOILERS.

The film starts at 90 MPH and continues in pretty much the same vein all the way through. I admit that the first time I saw the film I found it difficult to keep track but every repeated viewing is a revelation. The action sequences have no fat on them at all. The lean economy means that Foster’s version is the shortest Bond at only an hour and a half and there’s something truly admirable by the way it disposes of car, boat and airplane chases without lingering for a second or giving you multiple angles when one will do.The fights are suitably brutal and even Bond skipping out of a hotel is done with such careless elan as to deserve a round of applause.

The script. Okay, there was this whole thing about the writer’s strike, but I like the confusion, the murk is curiously fitting. And this is the Bond with the least quips, frankly a part of the whole franchise that reached its apotheosis with Goldfinger’s ‘shocking’ and has been on a law of diminishing returns ever since. With not much talking, the long winded exposition goes out of the window and instead we have a series of pithy summaries. M (Judi Dench) and Felix Leiter (Jeffrey Wright) actually get some really interesting political scenes to play with and this is one of the more subtle Bond films when it comes to assessing the geopolitical role of the secret service in the pre-Snowden but post 9/11 world.

Olga Kurylenko is a great character and doesn’t sleep with Bond and the characters around Bond begin to form a consistently believable universe, including Matthias (Giancarlo Giannini) and Mr. White (Jesper Christensen). And although Skyfall was rightly praised for Roger Deakins’ cinematography, but Roberto Schaefer’s camera work is stunning. The scene at the Austrian Opera House is beautifully done, impressionistic almost with the soundtrack dropping out. All the locations are given a sumptuous treatment, with Haiti and Sienna captured marvelously, and never has the desert seemed so parched.

Okay I will admit that the exploding hotel is a problem and is where the film rather depressingly reverts to type. Something has to blow up towards the end, but a hotel seems a tad random and here we really feel the lack of ideas. However, that said almost all Bond films have disappointing finales where everything goes boom and the baddie gets his. Pyrotechnics taking over from any real sense of satisfactory conclusion. In fact it is the quiet coda in a snowy Russia which is the real conclusion of the film and a deeply satisfying one at that.

I recognize I’m swimming against the tide of Bond opinion here and will be happy to read any comments you might have below and respond to them, if I can.

For the review of SPECTRE CLICK HERE.

SPECTRE – REVIEW

SPECTRE – REVIEW: Daniel Craig returns for what might be his final outing as 007 in an entertaining James Bond adventure.

James Bond is in Mexico and doing stuff and M says ‘What’s going on?’ and then a slimy political type from the last Mission Impossible film goes ‘I’m going to take over. You’re all complete bobbins’ and then Bond is suspended and then he goes off and does stuff on his own and it all connects to all the other films and Monica Bellucci is in black and goes ‘oh meester Bond’ and he goes ‘yeah’ and they do it and then there are car chases and there is Rome and then Austria and then Tangiers and Bond never flies Ryan Air and now he’s with that girl from Blue is the Warmest Color and she goes ‘touch me and I’ll kill you’ and he goes ‘okay’ but later he touches her and she doesn’t seem to mind, which is called character arc, and then there’s Christoph Waltz and he’s okay and he goes ‘back story back story unexpected (totally expected) revelation and boom goes Bond, several times.

Is Spectre the best Bond? No, but it is the most ordinary one and I liked that. It didn’t have the freshness of Casino Royale, or the weird production drama and scriptlessness of Quantum of Solace. Nor did it have the grandeur of Skyfall. It felt like an episode, but a good one and although it’s a long film with a bit of middle aged sag in the middle, I liked spending time with the character and his little alphabet soup of friends.

Six Stars out of five.

For more Reviews, Click Here.

NEW SPECTRE LANDMINES TO BE RELEASED

SPONSORED AD – You’ve got the Spectre watch, the Spectre Vodka and you’re seriously considering taking out a high interest loan to purchase the new Aston Martin featured in Spectre, but have you considered the new Spectre branded landmine?

Handmade by the finest munitions experts in Italy, the new Spectre landmine will be the envy of your allies and the bane of your enemies, but don’t take our word for it, just look at the glowing reviews:

When I heard about the Spectre landmine, I just couldn’t resist! I’ve bought five thousand of these wonderful items and I’ve placed an order for ten thousand more.

Congolese war-chief, Abebe Iwu.

When I stepped on the Spectre landmine and was thrown twenty feet into the air, I really felt like I was in a James Bond movie.

Syrian Refugee, Bana Akram.

My daughter had pictures of Mr Daniel Craig on her wall and although she was torn apart during the explosion, the last expression on her face was one of joy.

Palestinian Farmer, Mohammed Sari

The Spectre landmines are available to purchase in Europe and the US next week but if you’re a Sony customer and want to beat the rush, simply text SPECTRE to 332 434 212 and not only will you be able to pre-order before anyone else, you’ll also be in with a chance to win one of 10 special edition mines signed by all of the cast.

Don’t delay, pre-order your new Spectre landmine today.

DANIEL CRAIG TO WRITE SCANDINAVIAN CRIME FICTION

HOLLYWOOD – Daniel Craig has told a British broadcaster that he would rather write Swedish crime fiction than appear as secret agent 007 in a fifth outing of the James Bond franchise.

The interview took place in the run up to the new James Bond film Spectre, which will feature Daniel Craig in his fourth outing as the Spy who we love. He told the British television station ‘Sky’ that he was fed up with playing James Bond and would prefer to write Scandinavian crime fiction.

Daniel Craig said:

I first got into Swedish crime fiction when I was acting in the wonderful Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, directed by David Fincher. As you know Kirsty, I’m a method actor. Which means that I think about the role I’m going to play and then prepare myself to the best of my ability. In this case it was obvious that there was only one way I could play a Swedish writer and that was to become a Swedish writer. Of course the character was a journalist but he was also very close to Stieg Larsson and so I decided that if I wanted to play someone similar to Stieg Larsson I should write a crime novel. A Scandinavian one. So I wrote one.

Oh my God! And did you let anyone read it?

Of course, I did. It was a lot of hard work. First of all I decided that I didn’t want to be Swedish as that would be too close to Stieg and I didn’t want to produce what would basically be a photocopy. So I learned Norwegian and published in Norway under a pen name.

Wow! Was it a success?

I’ll say. It even got translated back into English which I thought was a bit galling after all the work it took me to learn Norwegian. I got my pen name from my pet rabbit (now deceased) who was called Jo Nesbo.

I think I’ve read one of those. 

Thanks, I hope you liked it.

And so this means no more James Bond?

I really feel that the time has come for me to concentrate on my writing. I would like to branch out and write in other languages as well. Italian perhaps or Russian. Or better still Japanese.

Spectre will be released on November 6, 2015.

 

EVERYONE PREPARES TO LOOK SURPRISED WHEN CHRISTOPH WALTZ TURNS OUT TO BE BLOFELD

HOLLYWOOD – James Bond fans have been preparing their surprised faces when the inevitable revelation comes that Christoph Waltz is actually playing Blofeld in the new James Bond film Spectre.

Although the makers are being coy about the casting of Christoph Waltz, the chances are everybody already knows that Christoph Waltz is playing the famous recurring Bond villian Ernst Stavro Blofeld, the head of the criminal organisation Spectre, from which the new film derives its title. James Bond fan supreme C. told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

We’re all very excited about Spectre following the success of Sam Mendes’ Skyfall and because it is introducing a key element to the Bond mythology. The name being Spectre there has to be Blofeld. Blofeld has been played in the past by Donald Pleasance and Telly Savalas, among others, and we think that Christoph… I mean whoever plays him in this version will add an illustrious name to the gallery of Bond villains. It is going to be a real shock.

Fans of James Bond and Star Trek will be able to use the face they wore to watch Benedict Cumberbatch reveal himself to be Khan in Star Trek Into Darkness.

Spectre will be released in October, 2015.

MILEY CYRUS SINGS BOND SONG FOR SPECTRE

HOLLYWOOD – Pop star, VMA host and general hard twerker Miley Cyrus is to perform the theme song for the 24th Bond film Spectre, starring Daniel Craig.

Entitled You Didn’t Ex-SPECTRE, the music is by Thomas Newman who is also scoring the picture and the lyrics are by Miley Cyrus herself. It is the first Bond song she has done though she has been covering Octopussy in her live shows, even though there was never actually a song called Octopussy.

James Bond expert Michael Stevens told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

This is a great choice. Miley is young and fresh and controversial. She will bring a whole new demographic to the James Bond universe and her iconoclastic gutsy attitude chimes perfectly with 007.

The video, which is currently being shot, is to be directed by Joseph Kahn and will feature the main members of the Spectre cast – Daniel Craig, Christoph Waltz, Léa Seydoux, Monica Belucci and Ralph Fiennes – twerking with the former Hannah Montana.

Spectre will be released in October and Don’t Ex-SPECTRE should be released in the coming weeks.

 

FIRST LOOK AT CHRISTOPH WALTZ AS JAMES BOND IN SPECTRE TRAILER

HOLLYWOOD – The first look at new 007 James Bond Christoph Waltz arrived today in the new Spectre trailer.

The 24th Bond outing features Christoph Waltz as James Bond, Léa Seydoux as beautiful but deadly Bond girl Goldie Hawn, Naomie Harris as Miss Moneyeuro and Ben Whishaw as Q.  Monica Bellucci plays Italian lady and Ralph Fiennes plays Judi Dench.

Although there was some controversy about casting an Austrian James Bond Christoph Waltz himself was relaxed about the challenge:

James Bond has been Scottish, Welsh and Irish. Even Australian! Why not Austrian? After all it’s just a shorter version of Australian, ha ha ha ha!

Studio Exec remains the only film site to EXCLUSIVELY reveal the news of Christoph Waltz’s casting (CLICK HERE), while others continue to speculate that the Inglourious Basterds star is actually playing Bond’s arch-enemy Blofeld. This makes absolutely no sense as Daniel Craig is obviously playing the villain with his cold eyes and weird ears.

Spectre will be released in October, 2015.

TONY BLAIR’S SECRET SPECTRE CAMEO.

LONDON – Lying, cheating, religious zealot and morally bankrupt former British Prime Minister, Tony Blair, will make an appearance in Sam Mendes’ upcoming Bond film, Spectre.

“We wanted to create a truly despicable character,” said Mendes:

Someone so evil you’d seriously question if he’d been born of womankind and not made in an underground laboratory by a team of Nazi scientists hell-bent on creating the perfect asshole. We tossed around some ideas: a mad dictator who wants to destroy the moon with his army of robotic winged monkeys; a crazed terrorist who seeks revenge against Bond for accidentally stepping on his foot in a packed tube train on the Northern Line. Sure, these were bad men but we wanted the ultimate bad man and I thought, who is the most duplicitous, underhand scumbag in recent history? Who, if I was passing him in the street and he was burning in flames would I not stop to piss on? Who, when all is said and done, is the worst person in the entire world? As soon as I asked myself that question, well, it was obvious who we needed.

The Studio Exec attempted to contact Tony Blair but he was unavailable for comment. However his agent, Abraham Goldberg, issued this statement:

Mr. Blair is currently on his secret Island base in the vicinity of Dubai were he is putting the finishes touches to his Ion cannon. Although he has held talks with Mr. Mendes no money has changed hands and Tony doesn’t confirm anything unless you show him the money. Preferably unmarked bills or failing that, a bank transfer to one of his several accounts in the Cayman Islands.

Spectre will be released in 2015.

TERRENCE MALICK TO DIRECT BOND 25

HOLLYWOOD – Although Spectre hasn’t yet been released talk is already rife about the follow up Bond film, known simply as Bond 25.

Daniel Craig recently confirmed that he would be signing on for another two Bond films, which will make him the third most Bond of the Bond actors to have played Bond, after Roger Moore and Sean Connery.

A massive explosion of news on Bond 24 came with the confirmation that Terry ‘The Machine’ Malick will be taking on directorial duties for the latest installment of the most popular action franchises in cinema history. Malick first made his name with Badlands back in 1973 and then became notorious for the time between projects: there was a gap of some twenty years between Days of Heaven (1978) and The Thin Red Line (1998). 

Daniel Craig greeted the announcement with some confusion: ‘Are you sure?’ he asked. However, the producers have made a habit of taking directors from smaller independent films and giving them the reigns: Sam Mendes being the latest example of this.

Although Malick has not himself commented on this latest project, a spokesperson close to him said that ‘Terry is looking forward to exploring 007’s spiritual dimension. There will be guns, gadgets and girls, but there will also be whispered voice overs imploring an ineffable god for signs of grace as well as magic hour photography and perhaps even a dinosaur or two.’


Estonian composer Arvo Part has also been added to the team to provide a stirring minimalist soundtrack. The film is not due for release until at the earliest 2016 and so time enough for Terry (at his current rate) to make another 6 or 7 films.

SCRIPT LEAK: SPECTRE

INT: SONY HQ

It’s night. We are in an office full of computer monitors. A large man in a suit is playing Candy Crush on a Sony Viao. He grabs another doughnut from a Dunkin’ Donuts pack and slurps on a Starbucks Coffee.

Suddenly an alarm sounds. The man spills his coffee all over his laptop and goes over to the main console. An image of a skull and the words ‘You are being hacked by the Guardians of Peace. This is just the beginning.’ appears on the screen. The man stands there with his mouth open as the image spreads to every screen in the room.

BOND TITLE SEQUENCE

The Theme from Spectre: Sang by Rihanna

Images of swirling Sony Viao laptops, menacing skulls, exploding hashtags and seductive women.

INT: MI6

M (Ralph Fiennes) is sat in his office talking across a desk to someone not in shot.

M

I don’t know which rock they found you under or who kicked it over. You look like hell, you smell like a Parisian whorehouse and judging by your last medical examination you should dropped dead from a heart attack two months ago. If it was my decision I’d have you pensioned out and sent to the retirement home for ex-assassins but unfortunately it’s out of my hands. You’re under contract to Sony and they asked for you personally so I suggest you go make yourself look like a blasted human being and meet me at Sony HQ in two hours.

The  camera slowly pans to James Bond ( Daniel Craig) who is sat with his feet up on the desk wearing flip flops, Bermuda shorts and a Hawian shirt and shades. He’s drinking from a bottle of whisky and has a large unkempt beard.

BOND

Aw Christ. I’m getting too old for this shit.

FIN

5 FACTS WE LEARNED FROM THE SONY HACK

HOLLYWOOD – The Sony Hack has brought about many revelations – Angelina Jolie is talentless and studio execs are not politically correct – but what else have we learned?

The Studio Exec FACT squad has launched itself past the rubble of the firewall to find out.

1. In Sony Pictures, The Amazing Spider-Man franchise is considered a punishment detail – a kind of naughty step – where badly behaved executives are sent. In many of the leaked emails, Sony employees are told that ‘if you are not careful you’ll be co-producing The Amazing Spider-Man 3 and 4’.

2.  The new James Bond film will feature a plot in which Daniel Craig’s James Bond wakes up in Christoph Waltz’s Blofeld’s body. Rumors about Waltz being the first Austrian 007 (rumors first reported here), are therefore proven to be kind of true.

3. Michael Fassbender has a big penis and this plays on the minds of male studio execs constantly. Female studio execs also think about it from time to time. Sometimes they think about it in the same way. Sometimes different. One email exchange reads: ‘ What do you think of Michael Fassbender as a possible nemesis for Spider-Man?’ ‘Re: Spider-man nemesis 1. He is already in X-Men and 2. he has a really large penis.’ ‘Re:re: Spider-Man. 1. I didn’t think about that. 2. Jeez I know. It’s like a baby’s arm!’

4. Nobody wants to see Annie, even without paying money.

5. Ralph Macchio is running Sony from a hovercraft base somewhere off the coast of Japan. According to emails to and from Macchio and Amy Pascal and Michael Lynton, Macchio keeps the entire running of the film company under his thumb, using a combination of his sensei wisdom, his martial artist prowess and his flawless knowledge of computer systems. It is thought that Macchio’s old eighties nemesis, Matthew Broderick engineered the whole hack as a way of getting back at the Karate Kid star for rebuffing his advances to remake Freebie and the Bean.

For more Movie FACTS CLICK HERE!