5 MOVIE STARS WHOSE NAMES WE CAN’T SPELL

HOLLYWOOD – The life of a blogger is hard, but it’s made all the more difficult by the fact that some movie stars have names that are difficult to spell.

1. Zach Galifikinikankarsisiikis: Get this on a triple word score  and your Scrabble opponents will weep blood and you will own them and their children for five generations, but try and snap off a witty put down of Hangover 3 without resorting to cut and pasting from IMDb and you are lost. Spelling the name will give you a Goddamn Hangover, or Bore you to Death!

2. Jim Cavieziel: Jesus Christ! you might think as you try to work out how many vowels to use and which way round they go, but at least that way you can remember the role that made him famous. Fortunately, you won’t need to be writing his name that often as the Rick Santorum supporter has not being getting the gigs of late. If anyone needed a resurrection now, it’s Jim Clavicle.

3. Kirsten Stuart: Okay, I admit it isn’t Lupita Nyongo’go’o’go nor is it Saorise Rohan and it isn’t even Mia Wachchacallher, but I always get the name wrong. Mainly because I can’t be bothered. A bit like William Defoe.

4. Quenvanzahane Wallis: She was great in The Beasts of the Southern Wild and hopefully she will follow many child stars, like the easy to spell Jake Lloyd, into obscurity so we don’t have to learn how to spell her name.

5. Jake Gyllenhallaal: He was in Brokeback Mountain and Donnie Darko so we really should learn to spell his name, but he was also in Prince of Persia and Proof so maybe we shouldn’t. Not to be confused with ritually slaughtered animals that Muslims can eat.

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WES ANDERSON RUSHED TO HOSPITAL SUFFERING FROM QUIRK OVERDOSE

NEW YORK – Wes Anderson in possible quirk overdose.

The Royal Tenenbaums and Moonrise Kingdom director, Wes Anderson was rushed to the Cedar Pines intensive care unit on Long Island in the early hours of Sunday morning, suffering from an overdose of quirk.

Anderson had apparently been working on his new film The Grand Budapest Hotel which stars Edward Norton, Adrien Brody, Owen Wilson, Tilda Swinton, Ralph Fiennes, Jude Law, Soairse Ronan, F. Murray Abraham, Bob Balaban, Jason Schwartzman and Bill Murray, as a sadly hilarious figure.

Production Assistant Jennifer Tulls witnessed the director’s collapse:

We were filming a cross section of the hotel and in every room one of the characters is doing something unexpectedly weird and at the same time wryly amusing: someone’s painting Shetland ponies with blue stripes, Willem Dafoe is wearing a monocle and teaching Polish children the flute, someone else is making a pyramid of champagne glasses and Bill Murray is being a sadly hilarious figure. All of a sudden Wes just kind of started to vibrate.  

Bill Murray earlier today

The Syd Barrett song that was playing on the soundtrack was switched off and Mr. Anderson was briefly exposed to a newspaper, detailing growing tensions between Israel and Syria. ‘He seemed to be coming round but then Tilda Swinton leant over to ask how he was and he keeled over again,’ Ms. Tulls said.
The hospital issued a statement saying that:

Mr. Anderson is recovering from levels of quirkiness well above the maximum that the human body can tolerate. It is apparent that he has been taking a very high dosage for a sustained period of time. However, he is young and strong and should be able to make a full recovery provided he relents from people talking directly to camera, stories within stories, a mix tape soundtrack and Bill Murray playing a sadly hilarious character.

The French Dispatch out soon.