SKELETOR TO GET HIS OWN MOVIE

HOLLYWOOD – Following the massive success of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe in the 1980s, arch-villain Skeletor is to get his own movie.

Frank Langella has announced that his next film will be Skeletor. He told the Studio Exec:

When you get to be my age, you start to look around you and choose your films very carefully. What would you like to be your legacy? What do you regret? What can you fix? When it comes down to it the movie Masters of the Universe was not the hit Mattel or I thought it would be. I know that Dolph was very hard hit by the performance of the film, which wasn’t a flop you understand, but wasn’t the hit we all hoped it would be. I don’t think his career ever really recovered. A light went out in his eyes.

So Skeletor?

Yes, absolutely. I was proud of my performance and I talked to Mattel and we decided let’s revisit it and this time do it right.

But you’re quite older now.

I am and that will be the point. He-Man is dying in Grey Skull and Skeletor sits in Snake Mountain, brooding over his enemy’s imminent demise. He realizes that in many ways the two of them have been friends. They need each other and so Skeletor decides on one last fight to try and save his erstwhile enemy and now his last remaining friend.

Sounds touching.

It’s like the Bucket List, but with swords and magic.  Dolph is very happy with the script. His little eyes lit up like all those dreadful Expendable films had never happened.

Skeletor will be released in 2018.

SAM MENDES TO DIRECT HE-MAN

After the box office success of Skyfall, director Sam Mendes has been given a 250 million dollar war chest to finance his dream project, an epic black and white remake of the cartoon classic He-Man & The Masters of the Universe performed exclusively in ancient Sumerian.

It’s a great script,“ said an excited Mendes. “Myself and David Mamet have been working on it for well over a decade and we both agree that it’s our best work to date.”

Mendes admitted that the original drafts of the script were much too child friendly and he was struggling to make it work.

It was like Game of Thrones but without the violence and incest. It was only when I saw Mel Gibson’s The Passion of the Christ that I decided it should be done in another language. After all the characters are from Eternia, not Earth, so it makes no sense that they would speak with an American accent. Originally I asked David to create an entire language from scratch but after he eventually stopped laughing and offered his resignation, we decided that Sumerian was the way forward.

That bold decision inspired Mendes to make further drastic changes.

Everything has been stripped down to the bare minimum. Originally it was going to be in 3D with masses of CGI and special effects but it’s going to be in black and white and no effects at all. In fact the only reason it’s costing so much is that we are building a life-size replica of Castle Grayskull in the Scottish Highlands.

Mendes also revealed that he already has his main cast in place.

Chris Hemsworth will play He-Man and Tom Hiddleston is Skeletor. I didn’t known Chris but I’m known Tom for years and his Skeletor is genuinely one of the most frightening characters in cinema history. He sent us an audition tape of himself dressed in a skull mask brutally murdering a swan and I knew immediately that he was the cold-hearted bastard we’d been looking for.

Despite the changes Mendes is sure that fans of the original series will enjoy his twisted version of the He-Man Universe.

If I had to compare it to another film, I’d say it’s like The Seventh Seal but much, much bleaker and the violence is so extreme we’ll be lucky to get a R-rating. Then there’s the incest, the bestiality and the murder and torture but it’s not all grim. Orko the magician makes an appearance and his rape scene mainly takes place off camera.

He-Man & The Masters of the Universe is due for release in 2015.