MARTIN SCORSESE SELLS DICAPRIO WHISTLE

NEW YORK – Martin Scorsese is to sell his special Leonardo diCaprio whistle at auction later this week.

Shutter Island and Wolf of Wall Street director Martin Scorsese is to sell the magical Leonardo diCaprio whistle at auction.ss57_specialty_whistle

Speaking to the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY, earlier this week, the Color of Money director and wearer of the best eyebrows in New York had this to say:

The magic Leonardo diCaprio whistle was forged in the fires of a volcano and when blown can only be heard by Leo. Whatever he is doing he must drop and immediately come at the magical summons. I first used it to get him to come to the casting of Gangs of New York and then after that, whenever I wanted to put him in another film I’d just take the whistle out and blow as hard as I could. Admittedly it took him a while to respond when I wanted him to do the Aviator. But ultimately it doesn’t matter what he wants. The whistle commands.

So why give it up?

I’ve used it a good few times and the magic begins to wear off if you abuse it.

It is understood that the bidders will include Ridley Scott, Steven Soderbergh, Goldie Hawn and David Fincher as well as former New York mayor Michael Bloomberg.

The auction will take place at Christies New York.

SYRIAN REFUGEES CELEBRATE LEONARDO DICAPRIO’S OSCAR WIN

GREECE – Syrian refugees have joined together and celebrated Leonardo diCaprio’s best actor win at last night’s Oscars, saying that it was long over due.

They haven’t had much to celebrate since fleeing the civil war in Syria but today all that was briefly forgotten as refugees organised impromptu parties to celebrate Leonardo diCaprio’s Oscar win at the Academy Awards last night.

A spokesperson for the Syrian refugees talked to the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

We have suffered hardship beyond belief. Many of us have seen our homes destroyed, our families torn apart. We have crossed winter seas and we have risked everything only to arrive in a Europe which is turning against us. However, all of that is put in perspective when we consider that Leo diCaprio had to wait all this time until he was 41 before getting his hands on the Oscar. There were some among the refugees who believe that The Revenant wasn’t even that great a movie and that Leo should have won for The Wolf of Wall Street. I loved Shutter Island personally, but all the same. This makes everything right.

Isis have since issued a statement saying they wanted Eddie Redmayne to win, thus proving that they are once more beyond the pale.

Tomorrow these people will once more face an uncertain future, but tonight they are united in celebrating for a cause that is bigger than all their problems put together.

MARTIN SCORSESE PRESENTS TWELVE PART NEW ROMANTICS DOC

NEW YORK – Martin Scorsese today announced that he would be releasing a 12 part documentary on the 1980s pop phenomenon of the New Romantics.

Following his critically rated History of the Blues musical documentary as well as films on George Harrison and Bob Dylan, Scorsese has decided to turn his attention to the musical inventiveness of such groups as Heaven 17, Spandau Ballet and Duran Duran.

The Aviator and Shutter Island director told Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

Coming right in the midst of the grimmest period in British history, following on from the spit drenched nihilism of punk and played out to the background of labor strikes and the threat of imminent thermo-nuclear destruction, synth-pop was some of the most authentic and gritty music I’ve ever heard. Bands such as Visage and The Human League came out of the slums of Birmingham and London and they were all wearing eyeliner.

Why is this period so important to you?

I’ve always loved music, second only in my love to films and even then. The second British Invasion which saw groups like Culture Club break into the US charts and ask hard questions of the culture. Questions like ‘Do you really want to hurt me?’ and ‘Don’t you Want me Baby?’ and even ‘Who’s the dandy highwayman?’

Featuring interviews with Gary Numan and Annie Lennox, the 12 part series will have a different director for each segment. Scorsese explained:

Clint Eastwood is a huge fan of Tubeway Army and will be directing the episode devoted to them and Gary Numan, while Werner Herzog will be doing a profile on German group Kraftwerk. Spike Lee is to contribute a documentary on Frankie Goes to Hollywood and Howard Kelly.

Martin Scorsese’s History of New Romanticism will be shown on HBO tomorrow night and then every week for a year.  

 

SCORSESE TITLE REVIEW

NEW YORK – Martin Scorsese’s new film The Wolf of Wall Street has caused huge controversy partly for it’s use of the phrase ‘cerebral palsy’, partly for its explicit scenes of sex and drug use, but mostly because the film does not feature ‘an actual wolf’.

‘I went to see a film about a wolf, possibly killing people in the financial capital of our country, perhaps not, but a wolf,’ said theater-goer Blan Haverstock. ‘And what do I get? Some bullshit about Leo DiCarpio.’

The New Yorker review of the movie had as its headline ‘Crying Wolf?’

However, Scorsese defended himself from his critics:

Usually, I am scrupulous with my titles, making sure they advertise exactly what happens in the movie. But sometimes I use a slightly more oblique approach. So no, there isn’t a wolf in Wall Street. Not as in the actual animal. It’s a metaphor or an analogy, or a simile. It’s one of those.

To help the confused here is a brief guide to the veracity of Martin Scorsese’s movie titles.

  • Mean Streets:  The streets are quite mean. 

Veracity score 8/10

  • Alice Doesn’t Live Here Any More: Alice does move but where is here? 

Veracity score 7/10

  • Taxi Driver: It is about a taxi driver.

Veracity score 10/10

  • Raging Bull: There’s no bull, just a boxer 

Veracity score 2/10

  • The King of Comedy: He isn’t funny 

Veracity score 1/10

  • Goodfellas: They’re actually Bad Fellas 

Veracity score 1/10

  • Casino: It is set in a Casino 

Veracity score 10/10

  • Kundun: Haven’t got a clue 

Veracity score ?/10

  • The Aviator: Partially true, he’s also a  nut plank 

Veracity score 4/10

  • The Departed: No one leaves for anywhere 

Veracity score 3/10

  • Shutter Island: Set on Shutter Island 

Veracity score 10/10

  • The Wolf of Wall Street: No wolf confirmed (though there is a monkey) but no wolf

Veracity score 2/10. 

 
The Wolf of Wall Street is in Theaters.