ANYA TAYLOR JOY FARTED AT VENICE

‘BREAKING’ NEWS – The Exec can exclusively reveal how Anya Taylor Joy farted while attending the Venice Film Festival red carpet events. It happened at the build up to the premiere of her new film, directed by Edgar Wright, Last Night In Soho. Anya Taylor Joy farted as co-star Matt Smith walked the red carpet with her.


Anya Taylor Joy Farted – Not Living Deliciously

The star could be heard pumping out the farts through her bright pink Dior designed dress as she strode up the red carpet. Paparazzi were kept well back from the star, which was a good thing. Matt Smith who co-starred with Anya in Last Night In Soho, could be seen mouthing the words ‘Jesus fucking Christ! Who dropped their guts? Anya?’ as he greeted her at the glitzy event. The ex-Dr Who actor was seen gagging repeatedly, as he walked beside the flatulent star.

Where’s The Shitter?

The two met up with the Shaun Of The Dead director, Edgar Wright who could be seen holding his nose. Initially, he pointed at Matt Smith, who shook his head in disgust and pointed at his glamorous co-star. She looked at Edgar and said with no shame, ‘Yeah, that was me, Eddie my boy. I can’t help it. I was drinking Guinness last night and then went for a curry. My guts are playing havoc with me today and I’ve had the squirts four times already. Where’s the shitter? Because I gotta to go again.’

Funyuns And Chess

Throughout the entire film Anya sat at the back of the theatre. She ate Funyuns, only stopping occasionally to raise a leg and force a trump. Then she shouted out chess moves at the end of each loud and noxious fart. ‘Knight takes Pawn. Hooray! And ‘I’m Castling my Kasparov!’ The film ended and the polite audience rose to its feet to applaud. She swaggered menacingly down the aisle, throwing Funyuns like confetti as she went.

French Flatulist Film

Anya announced at the Q&A afterwards her next role will be in an all-female biopic. The story of the French Flatulist, Joseph Pujol, better known as Le Petomane, who rose to fame as a professional farter. She is being coached by Daniel Day-Lewis, who is also a keen flatulist. It will be called Gaslighting.

Last Night In Soho Is Released In Cinemas In October

SIMON PEGG AND EDGAR WRIGHT REVEAL NEW COLLABORATION

LONDON – Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright revealed today that they would be collaborating on a new project together, a remake of Gaspar Noé’s nihilistic masterpiece Enter the Void.

Star Trek’s Scotty told Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

We were kicking around ideas for a while. We had done horror/comedy with Shaun of the Dead. Then we did action film/buddy-cop/comedy with Hot Fuzz. And finally we did a sort of Science Fiction/comedy with The End of the World. So there was a long thought process about what to do. And then we went away and wrote down a list of our three favorite films and came back to compare them and guess what Enter the Void was top of both our lists.

The original 2009 French film tells the strange hallucinatory story of a brother and sister who orphaned as children live in Tokyo, he making money selling drug s and her stripping at a neon nightclub. A lot of the film takes place in a hallucinogenic haze with a roving camera representing (perhaps) the soul of a dead character. There are scenes of explicit hardcore sex and some gory body horror, not to mention an overwhelming sense of dread and doom which pervades the whole affair.

Pegg is pegged to play the brother – ‘it’s the funny role’ – but  admitted there will be some quite radical changes: ‘We want the tone to be lighter and I don’t think we really need the incest angle to be quite so strong.’ The Scott Pilgrim Vs the World director chipped in:

We want to make the two main characters brother and brother instead of brother and sister, and get Nick Frost in. Already the film is going to be very different territory for the two of us, but having Nick on board as well will make this a little like having a comfort blanket.  This doesn’t mean that the Cornetto trilogy is becoming a quadrology. Although it could be the start of a new trilogy I suppose. Of ultra depressing art films/comedies.

Comedies?

Yeah, well obviously the tone can’t be quite so grim. And we’re going to ditch a lot of the weird stuff, the sex and violence and what not. And the nihilism and the void. We don’t really do void.

When asked what he thought of the duo remaking his film, French director Gaspar Noé said: ‘Ppppffffffffffffff! You know. C’est la vie!’ and shrugged.

Enter the Chuckle Brothers will be released in 2016.

 

EDGAR WRIGHT TO REMAKE KRULL

HOLLYWOOD – Following his exit from Ant-Man, Edgar Wright – the visionary director who brought us Shaun of the Dead and the almost good Scott Pilgrim Vs the World – has tweeted his willingness to remake Krull, the 1983 fantasy film starring Ken Marshall, which many say is better than Kurosawa’s Seven Samurai.

Last year, the Studio Exec wrote the following:

Steven Spielberg – making his first public pronouncement after having become the President of the Jury at Cannes – reviled film programmers everywhere for neglecting a film he rates as ‘Better than Lawrence of Arabia, but not quite as good as Red Sonja.’Dissident Chinese artist Ai Weiweiweiwie tweeted: ‘Without #Krull, Rien!’ And noted Slovakian philosopher Slavoj Zizek argued in his essay ‘The Glaive: a five pronged phallus!’ that Krull ‘shits on Vertigo FROM A HEIGHT!’

The popularity of the film however has also provoked a backlash from Liam Neeson and Robbie Coltrane. ‘I’m in it,’ said Neeson to express his argument against the film’s rediscovery.

The list of powerful advocates now includes Matt Damon (a self-professed Krull-ite), Ben Affleck (who thanked Krull just after Canada) and  the prestigious British Film Institute which has promised to screen it ‘some time in the next five minutes’.

Now Edgar Wright is on board, he will have a stellar cast of A-listers willing to work for free. Ring the bells, spread the news, Krull is coming to a cinema near you.

But there’s always the chance it will be sh*t.