HOLLYWOOD – Seth McFarlane creator of Family Guy and The Cleveland Show has been hired by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts for the traditional role of prospective MC who will within a matter of weeks be fired and replaced by Billy Crystal.

The tradition was inaugurated last year when Eddie Murphy was hired to host a show directed by the creative genius and homophobe Brett Ratner. When Mr Ratner’s homophobia proved too edgy for the Academy he was fired. Stalwart Academy favourite Billy Crystal took over, even though Mr Crystal allegedly bought Mr Ratner 1001 Nancy Boys Jibes and Ellen Degeneres Jokes Book as a congratulations present.

James Franco has also claimed that Billy Crystal forced him to blaze up a doobie that was ‘way more powerful to what I’m used to’, thus sabotaging his own turn as host in 2011. His co-host Anne Hathaway offered no such excuse, apparently having ballsed up without any help from the City Slickers star.

When asked why he was so intent on hosting the Oscars, a ceremony he has hosted 9 times already, Billy Crystal laughed until little flecks of spit flew out of his mouth. ‘That’s easy, asshole,’ he said pointing a finger into Studio Exec’s face. ‘It’s the only place I can go where I’m sure of not bumping into Woody Allen.’

Woody Allen and Billy Crystal have been arch enemies since the 1970s, who frequently brawl in public with the diminutive clarinettist usually emerging as the victor.