STAR TREK SUE SETH MACFARLANE

HOLLYWOOD – Star Trek is suing Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane.

Stardate: RIP OFF! Seth MacFarlane has boldly gone where Star Trek went before and is now being sued for plagiarism. We spoke to the captain of the Enterprise Orville about the accusations:

This is ludicrous and frankly a little disappointing. I’ve made no mystery of my love of Star Trek and how I wanted to bring the same optimism to The Orville that I felt when I watched the original series. I wanted to make it an affectionate parody. I set my phasers for stun.

But it isn’t funny.

No. Of course not. Parody would be too easy. Yeah, I made it not funny on purpose.

I heard that Galaxy Quest would have sued.

Beam me up Scotty.

Why didn’t you just get involved in one of the many, many Star Trek properties?

I wanted to make something original.

But it isn’t… ow! What’s that?

Vulcan death grip.

The Orville is on Fox.

 

 

5 MOVIE SEQUELS WE REALLY DON’T GIVE A SH*T ABOUT

HOLLYWOOD – Summer is here and the time is right for Movie Sequels We Really Don’t Give a Sh*t About, not even a little bit.

The Studio Exec FACT squad have been hanging around the SE Bungalow looking a bit grim of late so we sent them out on a recon mission to find the 5 most m’eh sequels that we can’t be bothered to even look up on IMDb.

1. Ted 2. It’s Seth (A Million Ways to Die in the West) MacFarlane and Mark (The Happening, Transformers 4, Pain and Gain, The Gambler…) Wahlberg. What could possibly go funny?

2. Hotel Transylvania 2. Hotel Transylvania might have been a harmless kids movie, but anything that puts money in Adam Sandler’s pocket is evil and needs to be discouraged.

3. Mission Impossible 5. We all saw the pictures of Tom Cruise clinging to the side of a military plane as it ACTUALLY took off, and now in the trailer we see the sequence as he ACTUALLY clings to the side of the plane during the ACTUAL take off. But the only thing that could get us excited about this tired franchise is if Tom Cruise ACTUALLY fell off the plane.

4. Magic Mike XXL. Steven Soderbergh’s Magic Mike was surprisingly good. This might be good as well. And I’ll be surprised.

5. London Has Fallen. Sequels are usually for people who saw the original and liked it and want to see more. Few people saw Olympus Has Fallen. Those who did didn’t like it. So the biggest excitement that London Has Fallen can hope for, is to see who will unwittingly wander into the movie theater by chance. The film itself will be silly tripe.

 For more FACTS click HERE.

POMPEII RECEIVES RECORD NUMBER OF OSCAR NOMINATIONS

HOLLYWOOD – As predicted Paul Thomas Anderson’s gladiator/disaster movie, Pompeii, is dominating the Oscars nominations with over thirty nods.

Read the Oscar nominations in full below.

Best picture

Pompeii

A Million Ways to Die in the West

Pompeii

Dumb and Dumber To

Pompeii

Left Behind

Pompeii

The Grand Budapest Hotel

Pompeii

Best director

 Paul Thomas Anderson – Pompeii

Seth MacFarlane – A Million Ways to Die in the West

Paul Thomas Anderson – Pompeii

Wes Anderson – The Grand Budapest Hotel

Vic Armstrong – Left Behind

Best actor

Kit Harrington – Pompeii

Matthew McConaughey – That advert with Scarlett Johansson

Nicolas Cage – Anything he was in this year

Bradley Cooper – American Hangover Part Four

Kit Harrington – Pompeii

Best actress

Emily Browning – Pompeii

Charlize Theron – A Million Ways to Die in the West

Emily Blunt  – Edge of Tomorrow

Scarlett Johansson – That advert with Matthew McConaughey

Best supporting actor

Kiefer Sutherland – Pompeii

Jared Harris – Pompeii

Liam Neeson – A Million Ways to Die in the West

Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje – Pompeii

Best supporting actress

Carrie-Anne Moss  – Pompeii

Jessica Lucas – Pompeii

Keira Knightley – Pompeii

Rebacca Eady – Pompeii

Meryl Streep – Pompeii

Best original screenplay

Alejandro G. Iñárritu, Nicolás Giacobone, Alexander Dinelaris, Jr. & Armando Bo – Pompeii

Richard Linklater – A Million Ways to Die in the West

Max Frye and Dan Futterman –Dumb and Dumber To

Wes Anderson & Hugo Guinness – The Grand Budapest Hotel

Best adapted screenplay

Jason Hall – Pompeii

Graham Moore – The Imitation Game

Paul Thomas Anderson – Inherent Vice

Anthony McCarten – The Theory of Everything

Damien Chazelle – Whiplash

Best foreign film

Pompeii (Italian Version)

Pompeii (German Version)

Pompeii (Canadian Version)

Pompeii (Japanese Version)

Pompeii (UK Version)

Best documentary

The Making of Pompeii

Pompeii: The Science Behind the Film

Pompeii: an Intimate Look

Where’s Pompeii?

I’m in Pompeii! Get me Out of Here!

Best animation

Pompeii: the Ainmated Movie

Pompeii: the Cartoon

Pompeii 2: Simba’s Pride

Anything else EXCEPT the Lego Movie

Best original song

Everything is NOT F*CKING Awesome – The Lego Movie

Disco Inferno – Pompeii

Burn Hollywod Burn – Pompeii

Thunderball – Pompeii

Light My Fire – Pompeii

SETH MACFARLANE ADDRESSES UN ON BOOBS

NEW YORK – Following a rousing feminist speech last month by Emma Watson on the role of women in society, Seth MacFarlane also received an opportunity to address the UN and chose to use his role as Good Will Ambassador to launch an impassioned plea to joke about and ogle women’s breasts.

The writer and director of Ted and Family Guy told a packed session of the General Assembly:

Yeah, I’m into feminism and all that. Sure! Equal rights? That’s cool. I’m a liberal guy. Especially, if by liberal, you mean someone who likes to get stoned often and look at women’s breasts. Ha ha! No but really. I’d like to test those Bechdels. Ha! I mean are you with me, fellas? I know my man Ban-ki Moon is! You see comedy has come a long way since the good old days where you can joke about your mother-in-law. Everyone’s a feminist! Take Beyonce. I mean please, take Beyonce, ah ha, yeah.

[SILENCE]

Erm. It’s like when I did that song at the Oscars about wanting to see the tits of all of those actresses, even Jodie Foster’s in The Accused and that was during a – ahem – rape scene.

[Loud protests from the Scandinavian countries]

But I got away with it, because I’m being IRONIC! Like when I’m mildly racist in Ted. Irony. That’s the only way to beat ISIS. That’s what beat Hitler. And that’s what brings the world peace and feeds the hungry. Well, you’ve been a great General Assembly. Try the veal.

[DROWNED OUT BY BOOS]

In response to the angry protests by many member states, Ban-ki Moon apologized for inviting Mr. MacFarlane to address the assembly, saying that ‘We all got stoned last night and thought it would be a totally crazy idea. I now see that was wrong.’

Ted 2: the Rwanda Years will be released in 2015.

DAVID LETTERMAN TO RETIRE IN ‘YEARS’

NEW YORK – The world of television was reeling after David Letterman announced that he’d be retiring from CBS in a few years.

President Obama expressed shock and sadness while Jimmy Kimmel wept on his television show, tearing his clothes and screaming ‘Why God? WHY?’

Reports of rioting in downtown New York were confirmed as the news spread via social media sites such as ‘Twitter’ and ‘MySpace’. John Travolta was so shocked he actual pronounced Chiwetel Eijofor’s name correctly when he telephoned him to confirm the news. Seth MacFarlane has announced that an episode of Cosmos will now be devoted to giving a scientific explanation of aging and religious leaders, including Pope Francis was quick to assert that this was not proof of the absence of a benevolent creator, though the Pope admitted it did ‘dent God’s image.’

More on this shocking story as we get it. Please feel free to pour out your grief in the comments box below.

SETH MACFARLANE’S NEW SCIENCE DOC TO FEATURE RACIST DOG

HOLLYWOOD – Many believed that the idea of Seth MacFarlane making the science documentary Cosmos: A Space-Time Odyssey  with some trepidation, but he has assured his fans that there will be a talking dog, spouting politically incorrect wisecracks. 

A follow up to the iconic Carl Sagan series from the eighties Cosmos: A Personal Voyage, the new show – airing on Fox and the National Geographic Channel in the Spring – will be an exploration of our universe for ‘as wide an audience as possible’.  

MacFarlane spoke EXCLUSIVELY to Studio Exec:

We have my good friend Neil deGrasse Tyson on board narrating the show and that’s wonderful. Those sonorous tones, that expertise and depth of knowledge will inspire many to a new love of the subject. However, for the skeptical and perhaps unconverted we’ll also have a cartoon dog called Jasper, making tit jokes and talking about how orientals make bad drivers. That kind of thing. Not racist mind. Post-modern.

Meanwhile, Johnny Knoxville has revealed that he is producing his rival program Anatomies for BBC America. ‘I don’t see ourselves as competitors. Me and Seth are really looking at different things,’ said the Jackass star. ‘He’s into black holes, pulsars and the space-time continuum and his dog. Whereas I’m more interested in the human body, biology, evolution and sometimes the lack of it.’

Cosmos: A Space-Time Odyssey will be broadcast March, 2014.

INTERNET GOES INTO MOURNING FOR A CARTOON DOG

HOLLYWOOD – ‘Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone, prevent the dog from barking with a nice juicy bone,’ wrote W.H. Auden in his classic poem of mourning, but when the ‘Life of Brian’ episode of Family Guy aired on Sunday night, there was no need to prevent the dog from barking for t’was he, the dog, who had died!

Brian Griffin (voiced by show creator Seth MacFarlane) was preparing to play in the street with Stewie when he was hit by a car in the street and died from his injuries [Spoiler]. Within seconds the sound of wailing and mourning and the ululations of Arabic fans of the show could be heard up and down the streets of America. Within seconds a petition had been launched on Change.Org and was being supported by record numbers of signatories. One such, Jimmy Pole said:

Look, we’re not stupid. We all know there are terrible things happening in the world. We know that Brian was a series of still pictures flickering to create the illusion, voiced by that smarmy asshole who did the Oscars. We know that. But at the same time I am devastated by his death in a way that was more profound than anything I’ve ever felt. Even the deaths of both my parents and my 3 year old sister in a car accident last week pales into insignificance. After all they rarely had ‘zingers’ like Brian had.

Although Seth MacFarlane was unavailable for comment, a source close to the show that a ‘Bobby Ewing’ wasn’t out of the question.

After all, we don’t give a shit. Important thing is we got loads of publicity for a show that has kinda run out of gas humor-wise.

Family Guy is broadcast on Fox, the comedy network that also produces such hilarious classics as The O’Reilly Factor.  

ROGER EBERT’S THUMBS TO PRESENT 2014 OSCARS

HOLLYWOOD – We learnt today with sadness mixed with reverence and joy, that Roger Ebert renowned film critic for the Chicago Sun-Times who died this year at the age of seventy has bequeathed his thumbs to the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences and that said thumbs will be hosting the 2014 edition of the Oscars.

A spokesperson for AMPAS said:

Roger Ebert represents an inspiration to all who love film and it is a tribute to the man that so many people have been touched by his passing, just as so many ordinary people have been inspired by his love of film and life.   

It is unclear whether Mr. Ebert’s thumbs will be joined by Gene Siskel’s as a co-host although this is certainly the dream ticket.  Mr. Siskel’s thumbs were donated to the Smithsonian institute following his death in 1999. One thing is certain, whatever happens it can’t be anymore tasteless than Seth MacFarlane’s recent outing.

TED 2: SETH MACFARLANE PROMISES RACISM

BOSTON – Seth MacFarlane announced today that Ted 2: Ted’s Kampf would be even more racist than his Fox show Dads

“Racism is the new rock and roll,” MacFarlane told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY this morning: 

I broke down barriers with Family Guy, single-handedly destroying political correctness with my cartoon toilet humor outrageousness. Then when I did the Oscars, cultural elitism was kept at bay when I sang a song about seeing women’s tits that even included the rape scene in The Accused. Ha ha ha ha! In Dads, we’ve been laughing at the orientals, or whatever name you’re supposed to call them now. Ha ha ha ha ha ha! So in Ted 2 we’re going balls out. Balls out!? Get it? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

What can we expect to see?

Everyone is going to get it: Jews, black people, orientals again, of all types. Errrrrr. Mexicans. Arabs. Ted puts them all in special camps when he becomes President by accidentally assassinating the black guy by basketball. Mark Wahlberg read the script and said “Really Seth? Are concentration camps funny?” I told him, I can make you funny, Marky, I can make anything funny.

Is there a limit to what you would joke about?

White guys from Boston have a hard enough time without people picking on them, but no, other than that, probably not.  

 Ted 2: Ted’s Kampf is out Passover, 2015.  

MASSIVE OSCARS UPSET

HOLLYWOOD – Tonight the Academy for Motion Sickness and Something Something caused massive controversy and consternation in the Hollywood world by not doing anything in the least bit surprising.

The brilliant TV movie Argo won best picture; Daniel Day-Lewis won for best ACTOR; Amour won for best no honestly film is an art form and not just a commercial venture; Christoph Waltz for not being a Nazi and instead being a white Martin Luther King and Jennifer Lawrence won because last time she won something her dress fell off.

Life of Pi won for best visual effects, which was especially nice since the people who were responsible for those effects have all since been fired: ‘We couldn’t have done this without the people now outside protesting’. Adele won for Best Song; Anne Hathaway for discouraging girls to go on crash diets; Ang Lee for best director (which he is, but not for this film); Tarantino for best screenplay, which really should have been best two thirds of a screenplay. How we wish wish there was a category for best script editor. Searching for Sugarman, deservedly won Best Documentary although like many, maybe I’m not qualified to judge as it was the only one I’d seen in the category.

In the end one of the triumphs of the night was Seth MacFarlane who proved an astute choice and injected some much needed edge into the proceedings. Sorry we doubted you Seth. Still, Pope Benedict XVI has some really blue material I’ve heard.

To read all of our Oscars coverage CLICK HERE.

OSCAR SHOCKER: MACFARLANE REPLACED

Astonishing news reached us in the early hours of the morning that Seth MacFarlane has been fired as host of the Oscars taking place tonight and has been replaced by ex-Pope Benedict the XVI, the 265th Pope, but the first to ever present the Academy Awards. The lateness of the appointment was easily explained by his Holiness: ‘I thought I’d be busy, but when they accepted my resignation, I thought yippee and phoned my agent immediately.’

MacFarlane was bitterly disappointed because he’d prepared three jokes and all of them were ‘really good’. Well, one was really good and the other two were okay if you’re stoned.
The news has been welcomed by Mel Gibson and… well, just Mel Gibson actually.
Rumors are circulating that MacFarlane was always going to be replaced (for more on that story CLICK HERE), but the choice of his replacement surprised Billy Crystal who was last seen at his tailors late last night making adjustments. When asked if he had any tips for the pontiff, Crystal snarled and drips of foam dropped from his quivering bruise-colored lips.  

OSCARS CANCELLED DUE TO LACK OF INTEREST

 The 2013 Academy Awards was cancelled this morning after a poll by the New York Times suggested that 99.92798 % of the population of the world will not be watching the ceremony.

“There’s just no point,” said Indonesian Fisherman Bangbam Pomona.

I’ve got to be up early to catch fish and sure, I’d let my family starve for a day if it was going to be a close run contest but is it really worth my nine children’s tears to see Argo sweep the board?

Film fan and Chinese sweatshop worker Xian Xing has also decided to give the show a miss this year.

I haven’t missed an Oscar ceremony in 36 years but Sunday’s show just doesn’t excite me. Back in 1997 my boss wouldn’t give me the day off to watch it unless I gave him my right kidney. I agreed of course and truth be told the procedure was more painful then I had been led to believe but it was worth the subsequent decades of bowel failure and spirit crushing agony just to watch James Cameron win Best  Director for Titanic.

Meanwhile in the Middle East, officials have decided to cancel the traditional Oscar ceasefire between Israel and Palestine.

“We weighed up the pro’s and con’s,” said Israeli Minister Gill Gurion

“In the end it came down to a simple question. Do we spend the evening ethnically cleansing the West Bank or watch four hours of Seth MacFarlane doing stupid voices?”

Ben Affleck is said to be devastated that he won’t get the opportunity to deliver his acceptance speeches but the executive producer of Argo George Clooney was more philosophical.

 “F*ck Affleck. How does he like them Apples?”

BILLY CRYSTAL ARRESTED IN SETH MACFARLANE’S GARDEN

HOLLYWOOD – Noted comedian, screen actor and Woody Allen hater, Billy Crystal was cooling his heels in a Los Angeles prison cell this afternoon after having been arrested in Seth MacFarlane’s garden armed with blow darts and a pipe.

Many have reported that Mr. Crystal was furious at being overlooked as host of the upcoming Oscars and had vowed to ‘get his own back on that cartoon asshole.’

The news comes just days after James Franco – in an interview with top class French cultural magazine Chapeau – accused the City Slicker of having drugged his hash cookies prior to Mr. Franco’s own disastrous   stint as host. ‘I don’t know what he put in them, but Jeez I was barely keeping it together,’ said an obviously shaken Mr. Franco. ‘For half the ceremony I hallucinated Anne Hathaway and I only do that on Peyote usually.’
The LAPD revealed that according to the forensic report the darts contained a slow acting toxin that would produce a diarrhea so violent as to turn the body ‘inside out, like a sock from the laundry’. Mr. Crystal is also being question about the disappearance of Mike Myers, but police were quick to point out that was just idle curiosity on their parts.

HERE COMES THE BOOM: OSCAR SNUBBED!

‘What an asshole!’

Today’s announcements of the 85th Oscar nominations were greeted by shrieks of horror and disgust, soon followed by fist fights in the foyer and communal vomiting up and down the street as word passed from ear to ear. Even Seth MacFarlane looked shaken and he made a film with Mark ‘s’not my fault people think I can act’ Wahlberg. Emma Stone shifted uncomfortably in a ‘dress’ as each category was read out and the truth became nakedly, brutally, violently clear: Kevin James had not been nominated as best actor, Frank Coraci (who Ebert dubbed ‘the American Tarkovsky’) received no nod in the best director category and Here Comes the Boom was not even mentioned as Best Picture.
 Martin Scorsese was seen rushing from the building his face in his hands. An obviously shocked Woody Allen whispered, ‘This cannot be! This cannot be!’ Meanwhile, Richard Gere launched into an attack of the Academy including their decision to nominate Amour. ‘It’s not even in American,’ shrieked Richard ‘the Hamster’ Gere.

Studio Exec had broken the news that Coraci’s genre busting comedy was in with a chance (READ HERE)
but it was as if the academy thought it was some kind of joke. In fact, when we telephoned the offices of the Academy to inquire about why Here Comes the Boom missed out, they used those exact words. The only person who appeared unmoved was Adam Sandler who phoned Kevin James to offer his condolences and sympathy but couldn’t stop laughing long enough to get the words out.

More Oscar news as we get it, or follow us @studioexec1