MEL GIBSON ANNOUNCES PASSION OF THE CHRIST FOLLOW UP: EASTER

HOLLYWOOD – Today Mel Gibson broke a long silence to reveal that his next directing project will be a follow up to his 2004 Biblical blockbuster The Passion of the Christ, provisionally entitled Easter.

In an interview with exclusive French culture magazine Chapeau, Gibson revealed that he had been working on the project for three years but kept getting distracted by the Jews.

Gibson stated:

I’ve been really attached to this story because I am a devout Catholic and I love all that Jesus stuff. If you’ll notice the original film was called The Passion of the Christ, and that second definite article gave me the idea of doing a Passion of another Christ but then I thought no; that’s stupid. And I decided on Easter.

What happens in the film?

We start right off from where we left off with Jesus (SPOILER ALERT) stomping out of the grave, ready for some payback. It’s funny because this combines two things I love. 1. Being a Catholic and the Jesus stuff and 2. Revenge films like Mad Max and Payback. So Jesus kind of get his own back on all the people who hurt him during the first film. He whips the centurions to death, he kills Pilate and his wife by sabotaging their chariot and then he seriously fucks up the Pharisees.

But isn’t revenge inconsistent with the Christian values?

What? NO, of course not. What the…? I mean Jesus Christ, no. Goddamn it! Are you lecturing me on my own religion? You know nothing (hyperventilating) NOTHING!!

Sacre bleu!

I’ve been so good to you giving you this exclusive interview and you question me? I mean that’s such bullshit!

At which point Mr. Gibson broke something of his own which he really liked and then stormed out of the room.

Easter is out in 2020.

DAMON LINDELOF’S BLADE RUNNER 2049 EMAIL

HOLLYWOOD – We publish Damon Lindelof’s email to Ridley Scott. 

Written while Blade Runner 2049 was in development this email sees Damon Lindelof and Ridley Scott discussing possible story ideas for Blade Runner 2049.

The Studio Exec has obtained a copy of the Blade Runner 2049 email. It says things you people wouldn’t believe:

hEY rIDDERS OH WAIT CAPS LOCK


Hey Ridders, Jesus where’s delete? Never mind. I mean. What the hell! Right Scottish? We can fix it in post. It’s the Damon-ster here. I know you said you weren’t sure you wanted me to help you with Blade Runner 2049 but I’ve been thinking really hard about it and I’ve got some ideas things for the plot like concept of the story notes perhaps. So here goes. 


The years is 2072, right? OK and Deckard’s like this old Blade Runner. And he’s got this fresh, brash partner (I’m thinking Shia LaBeouf or perhaps Channing Tatum). OK. And they get a mission to go after the Nexus 17 replicants right. And Deckard has a lot of bullshit from his boss cause he ran off with a replicant and what not and it ended badly, but he only has a week left until his retirement (some comedy here with possible confusion about Deckard being a replicant who’s about to be retired LOL). Anyway they go after the replicants but this time they follow them to the off world colonies and there are like shit loads of chases and what not, and Deckard says (more than once) “I’m getting too old for this shit”. He says it like three or four times, like it’s a RUNNING GAG and ironically it’s because he’s a RUNNER who is too old to RUN. Right?
 
Anyway they meet this really old woman who looks like exactly like Vanessa Redgrave (we can get Guy Pearce for this and put him in an old woman suit) and she’s like Tyrell the 4th or something. And she explains that actually all human beings are replicants because we’ve all been created by a higher power, which is like god but really actually just like super intelligent sperm people. You dig? Anyway, deep shit, deep shit, running, some more deep shit. Then they corner the Nexus 17 and Tyrell in this super dangerous and they could just call for back up, but for some reason (I haven’t worked this bit out but who cares) they just run in guns blazing. Something heavy falls on Tyrell can kills her for no real reason and polar bears start attacking. I know, fantastic, isn’t it?
 
They kill the polar bears or something. then confront Nexus 17 Ray Batty who reveals himself to actually be the son of Deckard and Rachel and Deckard is crying but just completely like blows him away. Fade to Black. A Celine Dion, music Vangelis and with lyrics by moi ‘Tears in Rain’ over credits:
 
I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe — eeeeeeve
Polar bears attacking me and my son, 
About Rachel Replicant I grieve — eeeeeeeeve
What have I done, done done
 
SAX SOLO


Blade Runner 2049 will be released in 2017.

       

MEL GIBSON ANNOUNCES PASSION OF THE CHRIST FOLLOW UP: EASTER

HOLLYWOOD – Today Mel Gibson broke a long silence to reveal that his next directing project will be a follow up to his 2004 Biblical blockbuster The Passion of the Christ, provisionally entitled Easter.

In an interview with exclusive French culture magazine Chapeau, Gibson revealed that he had been working on the project for three years but kept getting distracted by the Jews.

Gibson stated:

I’ve been really attached to this story because I am a devout Catholic and I love all that Jesus stuff. If you’ll notice the original film was called The Passion of the Christ, and that second definite article gave me the idea of doing a Passion of another Christ but then I thought no; that’s stupid. And I decided on Easter.

What happens in the film?

We start right off from where we left off with Jesus (SPOILER ALERT) stomping out of the grave, ready for some payback. It’s funny because this combines two things I love. 1. Being a Catholic and the Jesus stuff and 2. Revenge films like Mad Max and Payback. So Jesus kind of get his own back on all the people who hurt him during the first film. He whips the centurions to death, he kills Pilate and his wife by sabotaging their chariot and then he seriously fucks up the Pharisees.

But isn’t revenge inconsistent with the Christian values?

What? NO, of course not. What the…? I mean Jesus Christ, no. Goddamn it! Are you lecturing me on my own religion? You know nothing (hyperventilating) NOTHING!!

Sacre bleu!

I’ve been so good to you giving you this exclusive interview and you question me? I mean that’s such bullshit!

At which point Mr. Gibson broke something of his own which he really liked and then stormed out of the room.

Easter is due to start filming in the Summer.

EVIL DEAD WILL NOT HAVE A SEQUEL

HOLLYWOOD – With the box office success of Evil Dead this weekend, it has been taken for granted that this is the beginning of a new franchise. However, executive producer Sam Raimi made it clear that there would be no follow up to the remake.

‘We’ve made some money and people have enjoyed it, but this is not just a cash grab and to make a sequel would be worse than those assholes over at the Texas Chainsaw Massacre shop,’ said Raimi, who took a break from his remake of The Amazing Spider-Man (for more on that story CLICK HERE) to talk exclusively to The Studio Exec.

There is a tendency in horror films now to just go for series and milk the cow dry. Everyone thought this was the case when we set about the reboot, but we went in a different direction and I’m glad it’s worked out. But now, let’s not make this Scary Movie or worse still Paranormal Activity. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. So I can promise you. No sequels.

You heard it here first. What do you think? Let us know with comments and shit.

IRON MAN 3 TO GET CANADIAN VERSION

MONTREAL – Iron Man 3 will be released in three separate versions.

There will be the international release, a version that will only be released in China and now – Marvel have announced a Canadian version as well. Collectors will no doubt be examining each different version frame by frame to catch the alternate scenes, shots and dialogue. However, Studio Exec has managed to get a note from the studio detailing the changes that have been made for the Canadian version. Read the full note after the jump.

IRON MAN 3//// MEMO: 2 CANADIAN VERSION
Re: changes for Canada release. 
Circ. 23145633343.

  1. Change stars and stripes to maple leaf. (Digitally). See figure 1.
  2. Title change: from Iron Man 3 to Homme de Fer Trois.

  3. figure 1.
  4. Main villain actor should be Ben Affleck. Check availability. Digital face replacement should do the trick.
  5. Change Pepper Pot: to Poivrière
  6. Add dialogue: Poivère: ‘Who helped rescue the hostages from Iran?’ Homme de Fer: ‘Why it was Canada! Canada of course! Who  else?’  
  7. Have every line of dialogue repeated in French.
  8. Breakfast scene: Maple syrup on pancakes. 
  9. Replace Jon Favreau with everyone’s favourite Canadian: Jim Carrey.

   

ANG LEE TALKS POSSIBLE BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN 2

HOLLYWOOD – Brokeback Mountain was a breakthrough film for its two young leads Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger, an Oscar winner and an immediate seminal film for the gay community and now Ang Lee – talking to French cultural magazine Chapeau – has hinted that he might be interested in filming Brokeback Mountain 2.

When asked about future projects, Mr. Lee first told the interviewer about his project based on the Little Book of Calm starring Joe Pesci (for more on that story CLICK HERE), but pushed to look further ahead, the Hulk director said the following:

I’ve always wanted to go back to the world that Annie Proulx and Larry McMurty created for Brokeback and revisit those characters. It’s especially fitting that we should see how Jake’s character responds to Ennis’ death, seeing how Heath is no longer with us.

 Je ne comprends pas! C’est ridicule! It is the Ennis character who is alive at the end of the film and Jack Twist who dies.

Was it? Jesus. Really? 

Ma oui! 

I suppose I’ve always wanted to revisit the world of Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. I wanted to find out what happened to Chow Yun Fat’s character, having to deal with Michelle Yeoh’s death.   

Brokeback Mountain 2 will be released in 2015.