SEAN PENN TO STAR IN AUF WIEDERSEHEN PET MOVIE

HOLLYWOOD – Oscar winner Sean Penn to star in Auf Wiedersehen Pet movie.

Cult British 80s TV show Auf Wiedersehen Pet is getting a Hollywood makeover via actor director Sean Penn. Penn has been working on the project for fifteen years. He talked EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec about his work on the dream project:

I was working with Clint Eastwood on Mystic River and between takes I’d go into my trailer and watch stuff on tape and he came in and saw I was watching old episodes of Auf Wiedersehen Pet and was like ‘Wow! You like Auf Wiedersehen Pet too?’ And we really bonded. I mean, we’re quite different people but here was a language we could both respond to.

 

auf wiedersehen pet

 

The show follows a group of building workers who travel to then West Germany to work on a construction site. We asked Sean how he would change the setup.

I’m keeping it exactly as it is. Clint actually already had a script written and he wanted to play Bomber with Benicio del Toro as Barry. He thought I should play Oz. Now, that to me was like a dream come true. Jimmy Nail played Oz in the original series. He was the guy who really changed me. I went from being a guy who does movies into a serious movie actor. But in the end we all had other commitments so it was put off and now Clint thinks he’s too old to play Bomber. So we’ve got Dwayne the Rock Johnson. Michael Cera is playing Kevin, Ryan Gosling is on for Wayne. Quentin Tarantino is coming in to play Dennis, the leader of the group.

Tarantino likes the show too?

He’s actually written a book about it. It’s amazing. We all loved having him around when we were rehearsing because he knew the lore. I’m just lucky he didn’t take it away from me. But he is keen on doing his Geordie accent.

Is it as good as his Australian one?

Man, that’s a high bar. I’m not sure. Maybe. He disappears into the character. It’s so much fun watching him work and directing him of course.

Auf Wiedersehen Pet is coming soon.

KEVIN SPACEY TO RETURN IN MILK 2

HOLLYWOOD – Kevin Spacey is to return to the world of movies in the role of Harvey Milk.

Following his fall from grace, not much has been heard from Kevin Spacey. But now the Studio Exec can reveal he is to return as Harvey Milk in Gus Van Sant’s Milk 2. The sequel to the Oscar winning Milk lost its main actor Sean Penn who decided to become a writer of bad novels. We spoke with Spacey about his rehabilitation:

Harvey Milk is of course a fascinating character. He’s also gay and I’m gay. Did you already know that? I’m not sure if I ever properly came out but I am gay. That’s what I identify as. So I identify with Harvey as well. Not Weinstein. Milk. Harvey Milk!

Do you hope that the part will restore your reputation?

I don’t know. I hope so yes. But the main thing is I want to act again. I’m an actor so without that I have no meaning.

Didn’t Milk die at the end of Milk?

Yes of course. This is very much a speculative piece of work. Milk goes to heaven and is told he has to return to Earth to continue his work. It’s like Warren Beatty in Heaven Can Wait.

Milk 2 is in theaters Tuesday.

SEAN PENN RUSHED TO HOSPITAL FOLLOWING ALLITERATION OVERDOSE

HOLLYWOOD – Sean Penn taken to hospital following suspected alliteration overdose.

Casualties of War and Milk star Sean Penn collapsed and was taken to hospital in the early hours of yesterday morning with a suspected overdose of alliteration. The actor took ill following the completion of his ‘novel’ Bob Honey Who Just Do Stuff.

Doctor Hamill Cadence told reporters:

We believe that Mr Penn has been trying his hand at novel writing recently. And like many enthusiastic amateurs he got somewhat carried away. This often happens and I would advise anyone who feels like writing a novel not to. Please. We don’t need any more and the danger to your own health can be catastrophic. And not only your own health, other people around you as well.

How so doctor?

Alliteration is incredibly addictive. People playing with witty words, composing clashing consonants capable or creating catastrophic … oh my God! I’ve been infected!

Are you saying Sean’s sickness… oh no!

Nurse! Nurse!

Sean Penn’s new novel needs argggghhh!

SEAN PENN ENDORSES DONALD TRUMP

WASHINGTON – An apparently confused Sean Penn endorsed Donald Trump for President last night and will be speaking at the Republican National Convention.

Actor and part time journalist Sean Penn shocked the political and show business world by endorsing Donald Trump last night. In a statement issued via YouTube, the Mystic River and I am Sam star stated that he was officially supporting Donald Trump for President because of the tycoon’s promise to create employment in Mexico.

I have a very deep relationship with Mexico. It is a troubled country with many problems, not least of all unemployment. Mr. Trump is promising to not only build a wall, but is insisting that Mexico build it. This will give a much needed boost to the Mexican building sector and will also provide jobs for many of those who build it. Bricklayers, the guys who mix cement, truck drivers. It’s going to be great. Mr. Trump is also the only politician to really understand how to react to the threat of terrorism. His proposal to start a band for Muslims, for all Muslims is a great and original idea. All those energies will be put into creating music, which everyone knows is a great communicator of love and peace. As John Lennon once asked ‘who is the Walrus?’

Many expressed shock at Mr. Penn’s endorsement. Bernie Sanders said that he was disappointed in Mr. Penn but not surprised.

I had long conversations with Sean and am a great admirer of his work but after we talked for about an hour it became increasingly obvious to me that he understands only about every sixth word you say to him.

The Election will go on and on until we are all dead.

DONALD TRUMP CLAIMS MERYL STREEP IMPERSONATION RACIST

NEW YORK –  Meryl Streep’s impersonation of Donald Trump is racist according to Donald Trump.

Meryl Streep’s appearance at the New York Theater Gala dressed as Donald Trump has prompted the presumptive Presidential nominee to complain of racism. The New York tycoon and politician told reporters:

Meryl Streep has crossed the line. I like a laugh as much as the next man. Hell, I make the funniest jokes. All my staff will tell you that. But this Oscar winning actress and star of Sophie’s Choice has gone too far by going ‘Orange Face’.

Hollywood stars distanced themselves from Streep, fearful of incurring the wrath of the man destined to become Il Duce of the New United States of America. Sean Penn said:

We have to fight racism wherever we find it. I would be appalled if someone wore black face and so I should be, if I see someone wearing what can only be described as Orange Face.

Meryl Streep will be appearing in Cry in the Dark 2: The Dingoes Didn’t Eat my Baby.

SEAN PENN ACCIDENTALLY DELETES THE PANAMA PAPERS

HOLLYWOOD – Sean Penn has accidentally deleted the Panama Papers, it was revealed today.

Sean Penn was researching a new article about the tax havens detailed in the Panama Papers when he accidentally deleted the whole cache of documents. The Papers which have revealed high profile secret accounts facilitating tax avoidance and belonging to the likes of Vladimir Putin, the father of the UK Prime Minister David Cameron and the new President of FIFA and the Icelandic Prime Minister. Sean Penn was given exclusive access to the files because of his celebrity status and as part of his new career as an ‘experiential journalist’:

They gave me them all on a thumb drive and I was going through them and it was getting late and so I pulled out the thumb drive. I didn’t do that thing when you’re supposed to eject the thumb drive first. But who has the time for that? I just yanked it out. Next day I couldn’t open the files. It was the craziest thing, because I assumed they had copies, but as it turned out, there weren’t any copies. So oops. My bad I guess.

The journalistic mishap comes only months after an interview with El Chapo ended with Chapo getting arrested and Sean Penn being largely derided as naive. However, Vladimir Putin applauded the We’re No Angels star as the kind of journalist the world needs.

 

 

THE MAKING OF KNIGHT OF CUPS

HOLLYWOOD – In the latest in our celebrated Making of… series, we look at the behind the scenes drama that went into the making of Terrence Malick’s new film: Knight of Cups.

The Idea

Originally Terrence Malick wrote a three volume novel entitled Knight of Cups and Saucers and showed it around to some close collaborators. Sean Penn read it and immediately advised that Malick should make it his next film.

This was before To the Wonder and I thought Knight of Cups and Saucers would be a perfect film for him to do. For once he had an actual book. He had all the dialogue written and the descriptions were just so cinematic. It was funny and moving. I wept like a baby at various points. It was so touching and I could tell that it was quite close to Terry. I told him, make this film.

The script writing process took a long time and so Malick went ahead first with To the Wonder, but even as he filmed that, whenever he wasn’t giggling at Ben Affleck, he would sit down adn work on the script for his follow up film. Ben Affleck says:

He let me read an early version of the script. It was great. It made me really wish I wasn’t making To the Wonder. I’ve always admired Terry’s early films and that’s why I agreed to work with him. Why I wanted to. It was Days of Heaven and Badlands that I wanted to be in. And this To the Wonder stuff felt like amateurish garbage. He didn’t tell us where to stand and Olga just kept dancing all the time. I thought she was on mushrooms or something. The Knight of Cups and Saucers though was a solid piece of work. It had a great story and was very satirical about Hollywood.

Production

Christian Bale and Cate Blanchett were hired on the strength of the script and production began. Christian Bale tells the story of his first day on set:

We gathered around and we all had to bring our scripts and the novel that we had all been given copies of. I thought we’ll have a table read or something. But Terry takes all our scripts and books and what not and he shreds them in this big industrial shredder. Then he takes handfuls of the shredded script and he gives it back to us in little bags and he says ‘okay here are your lines’. We thought it was a joke at first, but we had to bring these bags every day to the set.

Natalie Portman talks about Terrence Malick’s technique:

It is so liberating as an actor to have a director who says to you: ‘There is no such thing as a fireproof wall’ and then you have to play the scene. We had a love scene and Terry would shout things out like ‘his face is made of bees’ and ‘Christmas is like Easter but with more chocolate’. Often I didn’t know what to do and he would shout dance and I would dance. Or wander about. We would be intently acting our roles and doing what we could with the material and I noticed that Terry and Emmanuel were in the corner and Emmanuel was filming Terry’s belly button. I mean it was literally navel gazing. Genius.

Post-Production

It has often been the case that Terrence Malick films have taken a long time to come to the light following the end of filming.

Jack Fisk long time collaborator speaks:

Terry often finds the film in the heaps of footage that he has taken. He listens to music and he has the actors read out pages and pages of voice-over and somehow he finds the film. Very much like a sculptor might find a statue in a block of stone.

Freida Pinto spoke about her role in the film:

Once filming was done Terry would call up time and time again and we’d go into the studio and he’d have me whisper the voice-over. Some of it was stuff he had written, but most of it was the Little Book of Calm by Paul Wilson.  I read that book about five or six different times and it’s all in the movie. Other actors were reading greeting cards and Christian Bale read the whole of a Sven Hassell novel but that never made it into the finished film.

For more of The Making of… CLICK HERE.

SEAN PENN AND LOUIS CK DENOUNCE LARRY VAUGHN

HOLLYWOOD – Hollywood liberals Sean Penn and Louis CK have decided that the time to speak up is upon us and have set about savaging Larry Vaughn, the former mayor of Amity who is currently the front runner in the race for the Republican nomination.

A ferocious week of attacks on Larry Vaughn appeared to loosen his grip on the Republican presidential race on “Super Saturday”, with his rival for the Republican nomination, conservative champion, Ted Cruz winning convincingly in the Republican caucus in Kansas. Cruz also won by a similar margin in Maine, before Vaughn underlined his national advantage with victories in Louisiana and Kentucky. This comes in the wake of stinging attacks from many quarters of his own party and the liberal media.

Sean Penn in an interview for Chapeau said that a Vaughn presidency would be a disaster:

This is the man who opened the beaches, knowing full well that a predator, a great white shark was hunting in the region. This reckless endangerment of lives would be multiplied if he were to be placed in the position of running the country.

Louis CK wrote a letter to his fans and in his trademark wry manner asked them to vote for anyone but Vaughn:

Do you want the man who oversaw the 1977 shark attacks to be the man carrying the nuclear codes. I mean look at the record. There was no way those injuries were consistent with a boating accident. And he knew that.

The Vaughn juggernaut however continues to plough on and the chances of stopping him are becoming increasingly slim.

For more political news on the progress of Larry Vaughn’s Presidential Bid CLICK HERE.

EL CHAPO’S EMAIL TO SEAN PENN

MEXICO – The Studio Exec has got hold of an exclusive email that was sent last night from El Chapo and addressed to Sean Penn.

Following Sean Penn’s article for Rolling Stone which featured an interview with the Mexican Drug Lord, Joaquin ‘El Chapo’ Guzman was captured by the Mexican authorities. Yesterday he sent an email to Sean Penn which the Studio Exec has managed to get a copy of and now publishes EXCLUSIVELY:

Dear Mr. Sean Penn,

You motherf*cker! You come to me an ask for an interview. I spill my heart to you and a month later the police pick me up. What the f*ck is up with that? This can’t be the same Sean Penn who so touched my heart in I am Sam. It must be the snitchy Sean Penn from Carlito’s Way! It can’t be the courageous Sean Penn from Milk, but the shit guy from Gangster Squad. We Ain’t No Angels? You can say that again. And I gave you a twenty per cent discount. I gave you a Goddamned loyalty card! I can’t believe it. So this is to say me and you we’re through. I don’t want to hear from you, I don’t want to speak to you, I don’t want to have anything else to do with you. I don’t even want to watch Fast Times at Ridgemont High! That’s how bad it’s got. Though there is one film of yours that I still haven’t seen and I’ve heard is very good. I’ve managed to get an old DVD of to watch here in prison. IN PRISON. You know what it’s called? Dead Man Walking. Yeah this I like. The title. Can’t wait to see it.

Yours

El Chapo

Sean Penn was unavailable for comment.

SEAN PENN INTERVIEWS STEVEN AVERY

HOLLYWOOD – Sean Penn fresh from his scoop in interviewing El Chapo for Rolling Stones, today sat down with Steven Avery, the convict at the center of Netflix’s hit serial Making a Murderer.

Sean Penn here. I know what you’re thinking. When am I gonna make a sequel to Fast Times at Ridgemont High? When are you gonna resurrect Jeff Spicoli? Well, let me just tell you, there isn’t a day that goes by, not one minute that I don’t think about Spicoli and what he might be doing today. But today I’m off to interview another ‘criminal’. Yeah. I did El Chapo in Mexico and that was pretty Rad. I mean it was like Narcos, but you know in a different country. Now I’m after Steven Avery who I first knew about when I binged on Netflix’s Making a Murderer this Christmas. If you’re reading this I’m gonna assume you must have done the same. You must also have read the various controversies about the show, the rebuttals from the prosecutors and all that jazz so I’m not going to repeat all that. And obviously there are gonna be SPOILERS like I give a shit!

Steven Avery comes in and sits down. He looks exactly like he does on TV, well the later episodes, not like when he was a child or anything. He sits opposite me in the regulation prison garb that institutionalizes and dehumanizes too many Americans in our country and he smiles broadly.

‘So when are we gonna get a sequel to Fast Times at Ridgemont High?’ he says.

‘Ha!’ I say, relaxing visibly (I imagine). He’s put me at my ease but at the same time I have a lot of questions for Steven Avery. ‘So do you really believe the cops framed you?’

‘Aloha Mr Hand!’

‘Yeah right. That’s a good line.’

‘Jeff Spicoli, man! I can’t believe I’m talking to Jeff Spicoli.’

‘That’s just a role in a movie. I’m more than that. I’m a journalist and a social activist. And I’m interested in your case because it seems to me that an injustice has been done and I would like to shed some light on it. So if you don’t mind can we get back to talking about your case and away from talking about Fast Times at Ridgemont High!’

‘Of course, Mr. Penn. I’m sorry. Sure. My case. For me the most important decision was not to allow what’s called third person liability to be used as part of my defense. This meant that…’

‘I mean Fast Times at Ridgemont High was years ago. It was my first film practically. And everyone goes on about it. What about Gangster Squad? What about Milk? What about Dead Man Walking which you should have some sympathy for?’

‘All good films I’m sure, but I’ve been in prison you see and…’

‘Mystic River, I am Sam, We’re No Angels with De Niro! De Niro! The Gunman and I’ve directed movies too.’

‘I’m sure they were…’

‘Into the Wild, for instance. Jeff Spicoli was years ago. And if it isn’t that, it’s you’re the guy who married Madonna! What’s Madonna like?’

‘You were married to Madonna?’

‘Of course I f*cking was! Where the f*ck have you been?’

And just as things got really interesting the guard came and told us our time was up. I’m still not sure whether Steven Avery is truly an innocent man, nor have I understood the complexity of his case in a way that is in any way deeper, but when we parted I could see in his relief that we had both gained something from this meeting. And I drove home feeling vindicated.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

XMAS CHARITY APPEAL: CURE STEPHEN BALDWINITIS

HAITI – One child in sixteen born in Haiti today will be infected with Stephen Baldwinitis.

There is no cure, there is very little understanding and victims will often find themselves ostracized from their families and social groups.

What can YOU do?

The first thing is obvious: spread the news. On social media platforms, by word of mouth, talk to your friends and work colleagues about this debilitating condition. Imagine for a moment how you would feel having to go through life looking like the guy from The Usual Suspects. Yes. Terrible isn’t it.

Pioneering researcher Dr. Stephen Farrell has worked with children in his specially equipped Baldwinitis Clinic in Port Au Prince. 

We see children as young as five with full blown Stephen Baldwinitis. First they become pale, then the second head emerges: the Baldwin head. After that it’s all over: they start spouting off about Jesus Christ and being obnoxious. The prospect they can look after themselves shrinks to practically zero.

Alec Baldwin was unavailable for comment as he was in boot camp preparing for his Year of Gayness

Having missed the plane for Haiti, Sean Penn has set off swimming for the island nation.
To find out more about Stephen Baldwinitis please visit the Foundation Facebook page 

https://www.facebook.com/stephenbaldwinitis 

and follow @sosofantastico on twitter.

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT MADONNA

HOLLYWOOD – Following her recent fall at the Brits, the Studio Exec FACT Squad was given the mission to find out more about this woman called Madonna.

This is what we discovered:

1. Born in Bay City, Michigan in 1958, Madonna Louise Ciccone started her singing career in The Breakfast Club, a band in which she played guitar and drums as well as singing. Her career really took off with Holiday, Borderline and Like a Virgin in the mid-eighties. At this stage of her career Madonna had not fallen over at the Brits.

2. Once her career in the music business was established, the ambitious young singer started to look abroad, fancying herself as an actress. She appeared in a series of moderately successful films with the odd flop. In Shanghai Surprise she starred alongside her troubled husband Sean Penn. Although there were incidents of domestic abuse, up to this point Madonna has still failed to fall over at the Brits.

3. The True Blue period of her career began with the release of the album True Blue in 1986. Dedicated to her then husband Penn, the marriage was to break down in 1990, with divorce proceedings being filed, citing irreconcilable differences. Despite her personal difficulties her career was soaring and her tours were breaking attendance records everywhere. And yet her ability to not fall over in a humiliating way at an unimportant British awards events was beginning to cause concern, even among hard core Madonna-ers as her fans prefer to be called.

4. Now came perhaps the most controversial part of her career, her role as Breathless Mahoney in the Warren Beatty movie Dick Tracy. Everyone agreed it was kind of rubbish, but fortunately she managed to rescue her reputation with the wonderful Justify My Love, a song which pushed boundaries of taste and explicitness. Already a gay icon, this seemed to be a role she embraced using images of same sex kissing in the video and promoting AIDs charities. She appeared in Evita, married and more importantly divorced Guy Ritchie, wrote children’s books, flirted with archaic Jewish spiritualism, directed two movies and continued to reinvent herself in such a way as to keep her music before the public eye, an inspiration to all. Many now believed that falling down the stairs was beyond her and that her career would basically be viewed as a failure.

5. Finally, on the 25th of February, 2015, Madonna Louise Ciccone finally achieved the apex of her career and fell down the stairs. The hilarity that ensued ranks alongside the lynch mob mentality that goes after John Travolta as proof that we are an ungrateful, unforgiving fickle bunch of animals who wish only to tear into whoever is perceived as lagging regardless of their past achievements.

For more Oscars CLICK HERE.

SEAN PENN: ‘I MAY NEVER ACT AGAIN’

HOLLYWOOD – Sean Penn shocked reporters today when he admitted that he might never act again after what he called ‘a career best performance’ in 2013’s The Secret Life of Walter Mitty.

‘I’ve worked with some of the best in the industry,’ Penn said.

Clint Eastwood, Terrence Malick, hell I was even married to Madonna for a time back there. But even so there comes a time when one thinks, now I’ve reached my zenith. I can’t go any farther and as an actor, for me, that happened under the tutelage of Mr. Ben Stiller. I mean, he made Tim Robbins look like Gus Van Sant.

What does that mean?

I don’t know.

And yet the film was not a particularly big critical hit.

No. The critics were a bit mixed, but that happens with the greatest work. All you need to do is look back and read some of the criticism Shanghai Surprise got. And now that film is number 6 in the AFI’s top 100 list.

Is it?

No. But still… It’s in there somewhere. Don’t worry. I’m still going to direct. I just don’t think I’ll ever come close to touching that kind of human truth again.

Mr. Penn is currently prepping his next directorial effort The Last Space which will star Charlize Theron and Adèle Exarchopoulos, last seen in Blue is the Warmest Color.

SEAN PENN SIGNS ON FOR EVERY WHICH WAY BUT LOOSE

HOLLYWOOD – In his ongoing campaign to undermine Hollywood via an onslaught of so-so work, Sean Penn has signed on for the remake of the Clint Eastwood orangutan/bare knuckle boxing comedy Every Which Way But Loose.

Penn is set to play Clyde, teaming up with his old We’re No Angels pal Robert De Niro who will be punching below his weight once more as an aging Philo Beddoe. Clint Eastwood will take over duties behind the camera. 

It’s territory I’ve wanted to go back to for sometime, but the script has never quite been there. Then De Niro came to me with a spec script David O. Russell had written during breaks on American Hustle. At first I was cautious. Frankly, I was wary of asking an actor of Mr. De Niro’s stature to prance around with Sean Penn dressed as a monkey for laughs. Then I saw Grudge Match and any such qualms were put to rest. It’s f*cking Shakespeare by comparison.

Penn has been training with Andy Serkis in preparation for the role. ‘He’s been living with us for about six months,’ said a bemused Serkis. ‘I’m not sure why.’ 

Every Which way but Loose will begin shooting in June.