CHIEF BRODY JAWS PREQUEL GREENLIT

BREAKING NEWS – In an announcement that has shocked Hollywood, Steven Spielberg’s Amblin Entertainment have announced a Chief Brody Jaws Prequel has been greenlit, with Spielberg himself set to direct the picture. The film will follow his mainland career as a cop on the edge and on the take. The Exec spoke with Amblin development executive, Emelia Shnart to talk about the project.

So, A Chief Brody Jaws Prequel Is In The Works. This Sounds Exciting.

We’re all very excited about the project. We were in a production development meeting and to be honest with you. We were shit out of ideas. Indy IV is in the can. Schindler’s list II is a non-runner, so I’m told over and over again. And the Jurassic World franchise is in the shitter. We had nothing left.

Where Did You Get The Idea For A Chief Brody Jaws Prequel From?

Did you know Spielberg is an ideas fountain? He just shits out ideas all day and all night. The man is a machine. The trouble is, the vast majority of these ideas are garbage. I mean, they are ass gravy, the loosest stool water ever. So we employ someone to write them down, tell the him how great they are and throw them all in a big friggin container.

You Got Desperate And Opened The Container?

Yep. We trawled through shit idea after shit idea and eventually we happened upon this little nugget. We only ran with the concept. His idea was for a cop who was friendly, inclusive and relatable. That shit aint gonna fly these days. We’ve all seen too many videos of cops beating and shooting decent people of color. So we got to work.

So Brody Is Going To Be Corrupt and Racist?

Damned straight he is. There’s a reason he got transferred onto an island full of white people. Why do you think he seems so content in the movie? He fucking loves it there.

Do You Have Anyone In Mind For Role Of Brody?

Casey Affleck. He can do morally dubious assholes better than most, know what I mean?

And What About The Part Of Ellen Brody? Originally Played By Lorraine Gary.

Florence Pugh. Why not? She’s in everything at the moment.

You’ve Given This Some Thought.

Nearly a whole afternoon’s worth.

Chief Brody Begins Filming This Fall.

STEVEN SODERBERGH REMASTERS SCHINDLER’S LIST

HOLLYWOOD – After his recent tinkering with Raiders of the Lost Ark, Stephen Soderbergh is currently working on a new version of Spielberg’s Holocaust epic Schindler’s List.

“I love Spielberg’s movies, he’s a genius and I want to celebrate his genius by experimenting with his entire body of work,” said Soderbergh.

Soderbergh had planned to rework Jaws but he had problems  licensing the music:

The plan was to remove the original soundtrack and play The Village People’s In the Navy on a loop for the entire length of the picture. Unfortunately we were unable to secure the rights because Lars Von Trier acquired them for his upcoming re-imagining of Das Boot.

Disappointed, Soderbergh turned his attention to Schindler’s List and he’s exceptionally pleased with the result:

We’ve changed the entire mood of the picture. Sure, it’s still a concentration camp but when you hear the sound of Bob Marley singing ‘Don’t worry, ’bout a thing,’ it transforms an otherwise harrowing scene into something uplifting.

Other songs featured on the soundtrack are Pete Tosh’s Legalize It, Prince Buster’s Madness and a new version of Lady in Red by Wyclef Jean.

Schindler’s List: The Roots Cut is due for release in 2015.

JJ ABRAMS SIGNS ON FOR SCHINDLER’S LIST 2

HOLLYWOOD – JJ Abrams‘ love for Steven Spielberg is well known – as evidenced by his Goonies like Super 8 nostalgia fest – but now he is going to take it one step further: writing and directing a sequel to the capped one’s masterpiece, Schindler’s List

We caught up with the Lost creator in his Bad Robot offices where he was prepping some films about spaceships and laser swords(?) ‘I’ve always seen Steven as my hero,’ said Abrams. ‘But I’ve always made these films which were like early Spielberg, the Spielberg of Close Encounters and ET, Raiders even. Now I want to look at the more serious side of his work.’

Don’t you think it is in bad taste to make a sequel to a film like Schindler’s List, which after all is about true events occurring in the Holocaust?

 I would think that if this was a sequel, but really it isn’t. You see what happens in Schindler’s List 2 is actually an alternative universe. Some people got on the list other people weren’t so lucky. Well in my film that’s reversed. 

But that’s horrible.

And in Steven’s version, the allies win the war and the camps are liberated, but my film will ask the question what if they didn’t and what if they weren’t.

So the Nazis…

Win, yeah. Oh and we’re going to have a lot more humor. I like to keep it light. There’s a party scene where Oscar is wining and dining the Nazis and we’re going to do it to the Beastie Boys.

Oh Christ, not ‘Sabotage’ again!

Christ. What do you take me for? No, we’re going with ‘You’ve got to Fight for your Right (to Party)’. Have some taste man. It isn’t like I’m just slavishly reproducing what has gone before.

So anything else in the pipeline?

I’m not allowed to talk about Amistad 2, so no.  

Schindler’s List 2 will be released in 2015.