Poached eggs, spinach, cappuccino.

I meet Spike Lee in a small patisserie in Brooklyn, New York. He’s wearing his trade mark baseball cap and trade mark glasses. Spike hasn’t even sat down before he starts complaining about his fellow film makers. 

Christopher Nolan? You know he wanted to call The Dark Knight, The Darkie Knight. Goddam limey racist. 

Spike, lets talk about your films. You have several films due out this year. Can you tell me something about Red Hook Summer?

 Sure. Clint Eastwood’s Firefox didn’t have a single black character. Not one. 

But Eastwood made Bird?

A black director should have made that movie. That was supposed to have been a black director’s film. I should have made it, but then this goddam cowboy comes along – a man who makes a film called The Pale Rider goddam it – Jesus.

Why didn’t you make it?

 That’s beside the point. The point is that Hollywood is racist through and through. James Cameron? Racist. Steven Spielberg? Slave owning racist. Stanley Kubrick? Racist. White people in space scared of a goddam black monolith? Goddam honky.

 So your documentary about Michael Jackson’s album Bad shows…

Robert Redford? Racist.George Lucas? Racist.

But he produced Red Tails about black airmen in the…?

A black director should have made that film.

But a black director did make that film. Anthony Hemingway.

 No, I mean a black director who wears glasses and a baseball cap. Whose name sound slike the kind of name you’d give a cartoon dog.

Okay. I suppose we better talk about Quentin…

Racist motherfucker. 

Tarantino. So you haven’t seen Django Unchained?

I don’t need to see Scary Movie 5 to know it ain’t funny.

The Scary Movie franchise was created by a black director.

Fucking hilarious. Bad example. Anyway Tarantino is using our history as entertainment. He wouldn’t do that with the Holocaust, would he?

Inglourious Basterds?

Bad Example. The point is slavery… What I mean is that the history of black people… I want to say that… racist, racist, racist.

Spike Lee takes his baseball cap off and throws it on the ground and then jumps up and down on it, which is his traditional way of signalling that the interview is over.

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HOLLYWOOD – In 2006, when Scary Movie 4 was released everyone naturally assumed that the next entry in the money spinning, gross out and laugh free franchise would be along within the year.

After all, up until that point each script had taken less time to write than it actually took to sit down and watch the finished movie. However, six years passed and no Scary Movie. Some hoped – even prayed – that the bone headed franchise which only seemed to exist to give Charlie Sheen and his wife money had finally fallen into its own dark hole of pointlessness. Yet now a new entry is on the horizon and Studio Exec asked Malcolm D. Lee (cousin of Spike) what took so long?

‘There was the feeling that the quality of the franchise had gone downhill,’ said Lee. ‘We wanted this to not just be another Scary Movie movie, we wanted it to be a Scary Movie movie that was also a good movie movie, a moving Scary Movie movie movie.’

Beginning in 2000 with  the Keenen Ivory Wayans directed Scary Movie, the formula was quickly implemented with a series of broad stroke parodies played out by tired hams and vacuously inept actors. Scary Movie 2 followed in 2001 and Scary Movie 3 followed in 2002 and Scary Movie 4 in 2006 under the direction of the once great David Zucker.  

We watched a lot Andrei Tarkovsky. I’m particularly fond of Stalker. I thought Tarkovsky because I know that Keenen had been very influenced by Ingmar Bergman, especially his later films, so I didn’t want to repeat him. And Zucker of course is Godardian to a fault. If you watch A Bout de Souffle and then you watch Scary Movie 3 you’ll see that structurally the films are identical. 

 What can we expect to see that’ll be different from the other Scary Movies?

Obviously I don’t want to ruin a very successful franchise. But we sat down and we went through the script again and again and again. We put in layers. We put in a whole Kabbalistic thing and then we took it out. We got all the actors to get into their roles in a way that was crazy. Charlie Sheen went totally method and I think you can see that in the headlines as well as the film.

Scary Movie 5 will be released in 2018.