PAUL RUDD: ‘I WORSHIP SATAN’

LOS ANGELES – Ant Man Paul Rudd has become the latest in a long line of stars to declare their deep and abiding religious belief in the Prince of Darkness, Satan.

‘Hollywood can be a crazy place and being an actor can be a stressful occupation,’ the Ant Man and the Wasp star said smiling affably. ‘I find worshipping Satan brings me inner peace and centres me.’

Rudd’s conversion marks only the latest Hollywood star – Selena Gomez and Christian Slater have also recently declared themselves Satanists – in what is quickly becoming what many are calling the ‘New Scientology’. A new high tech and air conditioned Center for the Promotion of Beelzebub  has opened off Sunset Boulevard, where new celebrity devotees can gather and practice their various Black Masses and rituals.

Paul Rudd speaking from his Hollywood home said:

People think that it’s all worshiping upside down crucifixes, sacrificing babies and desecrating churches. Well I’ve never seen an upside down crucifix, but two out of three ain’t bad, ha ha ha!

Tom Cruise angrily responded to the claims that Satanism had now overtaken Scientology as the new nut-bag spiritual fad.

These people are weak minded and they’re being taken in by charlatans who are basically inventing a lot of gobbledegook that people like Ruddy are just swallowing whole. The main problem is it’s cheaper than Scientology.

Bishop Humbert Humbert of the Roman Catholic church however welcomed the surge in commitment:

What we should focus on here is the fact that these people believe in the same beings we believe in. We’ve been fighting against the wave of Godless atheism, so I frankly welcome Satanists as on our team. I’d rather have a Rudd than a Dawkins any day of the week.

What do you think? Are you a Satanist? Has anyone got video evidence of Paul Rudd eating a baby? Please post comments letting us know your thoughts.

PAUL RUDD: ‘I WORSHIP SATAN’

LOS ANGELES – Paul Rudd has become the latest in a long line of stars to declare their deep and abiding religious belief in the Prince of Darkness, Satan.

‘Hollywood can be a crazy place and being an actor can be a stressful occupation,’ the This is Forty star said smiling affably. ‘I find worshipping Satan brings me inner peace and centres me.’

Rudd’s conversion marks only the latest Hollywood star – Selena Gomez and Christian Slater have also recently declared themselves Satanists – in what is quickly becoming what many are calling the ‘New Scientology’. A new high tech and air conditioned Center for the Promotion of Beelzebub  has opened off Sunset Boulevard, where new celebrity devotees can gather and practice their various Black Masses and rituals.

Paul Rudd speaking from his Hollywood home said:

People think that it’s all worshiping upside down crucifixes, sacrificing babies and desecrating churches, well I’ve never seen an upside down crucifix, but two out of three ain’t bad, ha ha ha!

Tom Cruise angrily responded to the claims that Satanism had now overtaken Scientology as the new nut-bag spiritual fad.

These people are weak minded and they’re being taken in by charlatans who are basically inventing a lot of gobbledegook that people like Ruddy are just swallowing whole. The main problem is it’s cheaper than Scientology.

Bishop Humbert Humbert of the Roman Catholic church however welcomed the surge in commitment:

What we should focus on here is the fact that these people believe in the same beings we believe in. We’ve been fighting against the wave of Godless atheism, so I frankly welcome Satanists as on our team. I’d rather have a Rudd than a Dawkins any day of the week.

What do you think? Are you a Satanist? Has anyone got video evidence of Paul Rudd eating a baby? Please post comments letting us know your thoughts.

‘THE BIBLE’ PRODUCERS DEFEND CASTING: THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME TO US

HOLLYWOOD – Producers of the hit TV mini-series The Bible Roma Downey and Mark Burnett responded angrily to criticism that they had cast a Moroccan actor in the role of Satan because of a striking resemblance to President Barack Obama.

‘He is a fine actor who has appeared many times in Biblical style epics and was cast long before we even knew who Obama was,’ said an unknown source. ‘The casting is historically accurate in every way. Satan was tall, thin, of a dark complexion, and believed in socialized medicine and gay marriage.’

The casting has come in for praise by such intellectuals such as Glenn Beck, who in a sophisticated piece of satirical foolery refuses even to name Barack Obama in his daily screeds and rants. His observations were joined by many bloggers and tweets noticing the same resemblance although drawing vastly different conclusions.
Jesus – on the other hand – is played by uncontroversial choice Diogo Whitey White Morgado. Like Jesus, Diogo is Portuguese and white, has a beard and is popular at parties. ‘When I first got the role, I thought yeah,’ said Diogo. ‘Then I saw there were quite a few lines to learn, I thought oh. Then I thought well, never mind. And I did it.’
So the moral to take away from this is… wait a minute why are the History Channel showing this mumbo jumbo?