COMIC-CON 2015 RULE CHANGES

SAN DIEGO – The 2015 Comic-Con has begun in San Diego and a number of rule changes have been announced.

Due to a large amount of illegal foolishness at last year’s comic-con in San Diego, the authorities have decided on a number of new rules to keep things under control.

1. No costumes for anyone over thirteen years of age. This is partly a safety issue after the Jabba the Hutt character who accidentally killed a Minion last year. But it’s mainly because YOU SHOULD ALL GROW UP.

2. While queuing for panels fights will be encouraged.

3. If you want to ask a question during the Batman v. Superman panel you should throw a shoe. No other method will be rewarded.

4. Anyone who has sex will be ejected from Comic-Con and not allowed to return.

5. All zombies are to be murdered.

For more FACTS click HERE.

SCHWARZENEGGER OFFERS TO DO ANYBODY WHO NEEDS BEING DONE

SAN DIEGO – Arnold Schwarzenegger has offered ‘to do anybody who needs being done’ in an attempt to repair his image.

In a statement issued earlier today the former Governator of California stated:

I feel I have made some mistakes and hurt a lot of people’s feelings,’ said . ‘I thought my book where I brag about doing people left, right and centre would put things to right. You have to remember I come from a culture of vanity, sexual prowess and physical athleticism. In a word, Austria. So it is hard for me to readjust to California having only been here for forty odd years.

For some it has been his extra-marital affairs but for others, it was his claim to have done San Diego ‘pretty much in its entirety’ (Click here to read more). However, to make amends Arnold Schwarzengger has offered to ‘do anyone who wishes to be done’ (over 18 and consenting).

Some people have said that I am a vulgar muscle head and I have a wurstel which is out of control. Others have snidely remarked that Viagra takes me to stay up and at it, but these aspersions are like the water off the asshole of a duck if you get my meaning. I am a sophisticated and generous man and I am willing to do anyone, man, or woman, who feels like their very own Oktober Fest. I might add that I am a sensitive lover, but no kissing because of the horrible cooties. 

Keep a careful watch on @studioexec1 for more on this story as it oozes.