JACKIE CHAN IS WAITING FOR GODOT

HOLLYWOOD – Kung fu master and top physical comedian Jackie Chan has signed on for Kenneth Branagh’s Waiting for Godot.

Based on Samuel Beckett’s smash hit stage play, the Rush Hour and Shanghai Noon star Jackie Chan will play Estragon, one of a pair of old geezers who stand around waiting for Godot – a mysterious figure – to arrive. ‘It’s a hilarious knockabout comedy,’ said Thor director Brannagh. ‘And that’s why I thought Jackie would be perfect for the role.’

The Drunken Master himself high kicked his way into the press conference and seemed genuinely pumped to be part of the cast which will also star Brannagh himself as Vladimir and include a cameo from Jet Li as Lucky:

I love Beckett and I can’t wait to see what Kenny is going to do with it.  I’ve wanted to work with him for years. Back when he was doing Hamlet I was going to play Claudius but there was a scheduling issue. Now I’m more determined and this will happen. The only thing I’m slightly disappointed about is that I didn’t get the role of Godot. That’s a peach.

Waiting for Godot will be released in 2017.

SAMUEL BECKETT’S DR NO SCRIPT TO BE PUBLISHED

PARIS – Although he spent ages Waiting for Godot, apparently, Samuel Beckett wasted no time in turning in a script for 007.

When he heard that a film was in the footing, Beckett, a huge fan of the novels, wrote directly to Cubby Broccoli; who he had met at a social engagement hosted by David Niven:

Dear Mr Broccoli, Please find enclosed a speculative screen treatment (a spec if you will). I hope you can use it. Money would be appreciated, not essential. After all, dust will come for us. All. Dust and death. Dusty death. Anyway, Best Regards to the Wife and Kids, Sammy.

The script is based on Dr. No, but does include some fundamental changes. The title for one is Dr. Nothing and there is far less violence than appeared in the final film replaced by staring. A typical scene of dialogue reads so:

Dr Nothing
I have been expecting you Mr Bond.
Bond
(lighting a cigarette)
I’m sorry I kept you waiting.
Dr Nothing
Waiting. Yes. I’ve been waiting.
Bond
(putting out cigarette, then lighting it again)
I won’t talk you know.
Dr Nothing
I don’t expect you to talk Mr Bond. I expect you to die. 
Bond
(lighting the whole packet of cigarettes)
You will also die. I will die. You will die. We are born dying.
Dr Nothing
Yes, Mr Bond. When you put it like that it all seems so pointless.
Cubby Broccoli apparently never read the script and threw it straight in the bin, where it has only just been found. It will be published by Faber and Faber.