BREAKFAST WITH ASSHOLES: 18. JEREMY IRONS

Santa Fe Skillet, coffee and OJ

Comments by leading British thespian and actor Jeremy Irons concerning same sex marriage caused consternation, anger but above all confusion yesterday, so we invited him into the Studio Exec office at Denny’s for a nice breakfast and to try and clarify some of his ideas.

So Jeremy, same sex marriage. Go!

All I said was that I worry about the name marriage and that same sex marriage is really a fight over that name and a father might be able to marry his son and dogs can’t look up.

Okay. But as a thespian surely you should support same sex marriage?

I don’t understand, why? Thespian is just another word for actor.

Is it? I thought it was two ladies who … oh okay.  Onto other issues. North Korea.

Good. Finally, something I have very clear ideas about. First I should say I support the deployment of Chuck Norris to Guam (for more on that story CLICK HERE). However, what are the root causes of this feeling of animosity and indeed bellicosity. I think the real trouble with the situation in North Korea is the shortage of ladders. If there were more ladders then the people of North Korea wouldn’t have to balance precariously on chairs while changing their light bulbs. No wonder they’re agitated when they look at America and see people using ladders willy-nilly. 

The global financial crisis.

Wow, they’re coming thick and fast. Okay. The crisis was initially caused by the fact people don’t wear hats any more. Not wearing hats led to the almost complete decimation of the hat stand making industry. Do you know how many hat stand makers there are in New York today? 23. Just 23. And as little as ten years ago there were 26! So you can see the problem. 

Climate change.

Here we have to distinguish between the words ‘climate’ and ‘weather’ and this is where – especially in America – the debate sometimes gets lost in confusion and cross talk. ‘Weather’ means when it rains and snows, and ‘climate’ we use when it’s sunny or windy. Sort that out and you’ve sorted out climate change.

Thank you Jeremy that was completely…

Hat stand. 

Quite. 

Jeremy Irons will be appearing.

For all the Breakfasts CLICK HERE..