Hollywood – The Studio Exec can reveal an open letter signed by dozens of Hollywood’s top movie stars will be published in various trade publications stating that Ryan Reynolds is exhausting. The letter is seen as an attempt by friends and loved ones of the Canadian movie star to just ‘give it a rest every now and then’. Not only does the letter state Ryan Reynolds is exhausting to be around but his constant meta commentary and breaking of fourth walls that aren’t there in real life is growing very thin.
Ryan Reynolds Is Exhausting
The Studio Exec can reveal extracts of the heart-breaking letter; “Dear Ryan, Please know that what we say in this letter comes from a place of love and support. We don’t mean to undermine you or make you feel bad. We all want you to be happy. But you will not find happiness with constant narration of your life to an audience that simply isn’t there.”
“You are more than tiny dick jokes, large dick jokes and knowing glances to a camera that isn’t there. Please remember that Ryan Reynolds is not a part to play. He is a man, a talented and funny man that can exist and thrive outside of staged Instagram spats with Hugh Jackman.”
You’re Not Deadpool
“The continual meta-commentary was kinda fun for a while in Deadpool and most of Deadpool 2. But it’s not a blueprint for real life. Ordering food in a restaurant takes hours with all of your cheeky asides over your shoulder. Don’t make us rethink the merits of what they did with your character in Wolverine: X-Men Origins.”
You’re Hurting Others
“Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson appears to be going down the same road, having seen your schtick and thought, ‘Kerching!’ It’s only a matter of time before he starts breaking more and more fourth walls and flexing his eyebrows at us. Please Ryan, don’t let this happen.”
Red Notice, The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard and Free Guy are separate films… apparently.
The Studio Exec managed to get a sit down with Deadpool to discuss life and love via the medium of an SEO friendly top five list:
I adore Sandra Bullock. That movie when she fools that coma patient into believing she’s his fiancée, man, I didn’t didn’t know whether to laugh, cry or jerk off. What I like about The Proposal is that you get three MILFS for the price of one and even if you haven’t managed to finish yourself off during a Bullock scene, you can crack your knuckles safe in the knowledge that Mary Steenburgen or Betty White will be along at any moment. Also, the movie is a multi-layered commentary on gender politics in the modern workplace, and who wouldn’t get turned on by that?
The Green Lantern
I reckon I could take the Green Lantern. Sure, he’s got a magic ring but I figure I’d just cut off his hands and make him a bullet sandwich. I thought it was pretty brave of the director to hire Stevie Wonder to do the CGI and even though the special-effects were dubious, I think all the flack Stevie got in the press was unwarranted. I mean, this is the guy who wrote Superstition, cut the man some slack, he was trying something new.
X-Men Origins: Wolverine
I’m saving the full story of what went down for my autobiography but basically, I wanted Anthony Hopkins to play me but he wanted too much money so we ended up with this Canadian guy who nobody has heard of. An interesting fact for you, in the original script his mouth wasn’t supposed to be sewn up I did that myself for shits and giggles.
For me, this is Stanley Kubrick’s best movie and the fact that he managed to direct it fourteen years after his death is all the more impressive.
As Sean Connery said in Moonraker, it’s a lot easier to get a 100% rating on Rotten Tomatoes with a kind word and a sword than it is with just a kind word.
Deadpool is released on February 12th.