DRIVE 2 GETS NEW POSTER

HOLLYWOOD – Following on from the cult success of Drive in 2011, Nicolas Winding Refn and Ryan Gosling are teaming up for the long awaited sequel: Drive 2: Uber Driver.

The EXCLUSIVE first look poster arrived in the offices of the Studio Exec this morning along with the Drive 2 synopsis.

Driver is a man who has lost everything: his career as a stunt driver, his best friend, his girl. Chased by the mob, wanted by the cops and pressed by the … you know … economy, Driver is forced to take on one more job, one last job before he can split forever. He becomes an Uber Driver.

Danish director Nicolas Winding Refn called into the offices to chat about the new film.

Basically I did not want to make this sequel. I went to the Far East to make Only God Forgives as a way of doing something totally different. I knew James Sallis [author of the original Drive novel] had written a sequel called Driven, but I wasn’t interested in doing that, but I was back in LA last month and I was going to some industry function. I called a car. And who was driving it? Ryan Reynolds! It turned out that after Only God Forgives and Gangster Squad he’s been finding it difficult to get work. So we talked. I give him five stars. And I came up with this idea.

How will Drive 2 differ from Drive?

It will be less violent. I’ve done the violence thing now and when we talked to the Uber people about helping us out with some corporate sponsorship they did bring up in a note the issue that having an Uber driver working as a hit-man was kind of  a no-no for them. So we took out the violence and we just had Driver be a regular Uber guy.

Does he get a good rating form his clients?

No, because he doesn’t talk much. He just chews matchsticks and everyone keeps saying ‘Hey, are you Ryan Reynolds?’ And that makes Driver really mad, but he holds it in, quietly.

Driver 2 will be released in 2016.

BEN MENDELSOHN IS UNTRUSTWORTHY

HOLLYWOOD – Australian actor Ben Mendelsohn admitted today that he is fundamentally untrustworthy and likely to cause harm and/or discomfort to anyone around him if it would promote his own self-interest.

Ben Mendelsohn first came to prominence in the brilliant Australian crime  film Animal Kingdom where he played the elder brother in a family of criminals, an untrustworthy psychopath who is willing to sacrifice anyone to his own survival. Hollywood soon beckoned and Mendelsohn found himself mixing with some of the biggest stars in the industry. Starring alongside Brad Pitt in Killing Them Softly, Mendelsohn was the shady armed robber who was most likely to blab and spill the beans. In The Dark Knight Rises, Mendelsohn played the first of many shady businessmen. In Exodus: Gods and Kings, he plays a corrupt Egyptian bureaucrat, exploiting slaves and robbing from the pharaoh and in Black Sea, he is the least  trustworthy crew member of a submarine salvage crew whose dangerous mission to find millions of dollars worth of Nazi gold will be rendered even more dangerous, perhaps ridiculously so, by the untrustworthiness of one of the crew.

Xavier Poulis, Swiss cinema expert and Mendelsohn expert, spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec about the actor:

Most the time you would see an actor like this getting typecast and it’s simply because of the lack of imagination of casting directors who see one element of his performance and want that. But in Ben’s case his untrustworthiness in life is legendary. He’ll steal the sandwich in your hand that you’re eating. I once interviewed him at the Locarno Film Festival and he stole my shoes and persuaded me that Ryan Gosling would grant me an exclusive interview if I met him at a popular cafe in the square wearing only cycling shorts.

Ben Mendelsohn will betray you later this year.

LOST RIVER FREE WITH A HAPPY MEAL

HOLLYWOOD – Ryan Gosling’s Lost River is to be distributed via the McDonald’s fast food chain with the purchase of a Happy Meal.

The movie, which stars Christina Hendricks, Iain De Caestecker and Eva Mendes, debuted at Cannes to widespread critical disdain. The Studio Exec saw it there and has to say it wasn’t that bad. Just David Lynch for people who haven’t seen David Lynch and like music videos.

However, the studio Warner Bros have decided not to risk a critical and commercial shellacking and instead have collaborated with McDonald’s to create an alternative method of distribution. Anyone buying a Happy Meal will receive a DVD and free digital download of the film. A spokesperson for the company said:

We are delighted to offer Ryan Gosling a platform to realize his vision and bring it to a broader public. Everyone loves Ryan Gosling. He’s so adorable. I could just watch him all day. I don’t even care if the film is crap, like Gangster Squad.

But he isn’t in the film?

Isn’t he?

No, he’s the director. And to be honest it isn’t exactly suitable for kids.

It’s not? Are you sure?

No, it’s quite gruesome.

Oh. But then again so are our Happy Meals! Ha ha ha! No actually don’t print that. I’ll do it again. Perhaps we should have watched it. Jeez Louise, what have I gone and done now? Well, hey ho, as we say at McDonald’s.

Lost River is freely available from all participating outlets.

RYAN GOSLING LAUNCHES OWN BRAND VEGETABLES

 HOLLYWOOD – Following the decision to not release his directorial debut Lost River theatrically, Only God Forgives star Ryan Gosling today launched his own line of celebrity vegetables.

Stars have frequently sought to cash in on their brand name launching their own perfumes, fashion lines and even Hollywood themed restaurants, but few have gone for a product so humble as root vegetables.

The Ides of March star explained:

Growing up I was really influenced by Paul Newman, both as an actor and as a man. I was really impressed with him in Cool hand Luke and I studied him. But then in the supermarket my mom would buy Paul Newman’s salad dressing and that made an even deeper impression. I never used any other kind growing up. And then later I began to think, as I got more interested in macrobiotic diet and what not, ‘that’s all very well for the salad dressing Paul, but what about the actual vegetables’. Of course, he was dead by then so I couldn’t tell him personally, so I figured I’d do it myself.

Gosling’s own brand vegetables will be stocked by supermarkets across the country with the guarantee that each vegetable has been touched by Ryan Gosling’s skin.

Check out the gallery below for some tasty nutritional treats.

 

DRIVE REMIXED WITH CHITTY CHITTY BANG BANG

HOLLYWOOD – Following the success of a BBC remix by Zane Lowe, Nicolas Winding Refn is to re-release Drive Remixed, featuring a new score based on the musical Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

The Pusher director spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec:

I watched the re-scored version of the film and I felt inspired. I phoned Ryan Gosling up and Carey Mulligan and we went into the studio Monday morning and recorded Truly Scrumptious, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Lovely Lonely Man, Toot Sweets and Come to the Fun Fair. Then Tuesday I put them into the film and we got the CGI guys to get their lips to move in synch. It was absolutely f*cking awesome. It brings out a whole new level to the film that I didn’t even suspect was there before.

What was the most surprising discovery?

The elevator scene. When Ryan is stamping on that guy’s head, he’s singing Hushabye Mountain and we re-edited it as well so it looks like he’s tap dancing. I mean we watched it on Friday and we all had tears in our eyes when the lights came back up. ‘This is like a joke right?’ Ryan said. Probably just because he was so happy with seeing his keynote performance rediscovered in such a truly awesome way.

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang was the creation of James Bond author Ian Fleming. The tale of a flying car which travels to a distant land was made into a film scripted by Roald Dahl and directed by Ken Hughes. It starred Dick Van Dyke and Sally Ann Howes. Another James Bond connection was evident in the casting of Goldfinger, Gert Frobes and the producer was the same as the 007 series, Harry Saltzman. The songs were written by the Sherman Brothers. Drive Remixed will not follow the plot of the original film.

Drive Remixed: Drivey Drivey Stamp Stamp will be released on Blu-Ray and DVD in time for Christmas. 

NICHOLAS SPARKS ADAPTATIONS LINKED TO ‘INSTANT DEATH’

HOLLYWOOD – The American Medical Association published a report today which revealed that viewers of Nicholas Sparks’ adaptation – such as the recent The Best of Me – are 60% more likely to die of instant death than Sparks free individuals.

The report – entitled ‘Nicholas Sparks Adaptations Unequivocally Make It More Likely That A Person Will Die of Instant Death’ – concluded that exposure to cinematic versions of Sparks’ particular brand of sentimental offal has been responsible for over 964 deaths in the past six months.

Co-author Dr. Miller Snipes told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

Whenever a new Nicholas Sparks movie comes out we noticed a spike in the instant death figures. One showing of Dear John in Manhattan was responsible for 13 deaths alone. Message in the Bottle and Safe Haven have also registered statistically significant fatalities. Interestingly, reading the books and not watching the film versions actually increase longevity, but that is really something we don’t want to shout about.

Sparks himself responded to the claims through a statement issued through his agent:

I am very proud of the work I do. And I am very proud of the beautiful films that many including Ryan Gosling and Kevin Costner have brought to the screen based on those novels. And if some of the viewers thereby die of instant death, then I can only say that that is a price worth paying.

The Best of Me is available for extreme cinema goers everywhere.

RYAN GOSLING TO PLAY THE MILLENNIUM FALCON

HOLLYWOOD – According to Latino Review housewives’ favourite Ryan Gosling has signed up to play the Millennium Falcon in Star Wars VII.

“He wanted to play Luke Skywalker’s son but he was a little stiff in the audition,” said an anonymous insider:

J.J. Abrams offered him the role of The Death Star but he was worried about bulking up for the role. The last time he put on weight was when he was fired from The Lovely Bones for being too fat and was replaced by Mark Wahlberg. He’s still wounded by the experience and who wouldn’t be?. Imagine being replaced by Mark f*cking Wahlberg! I’m still amazed Ryan didn’t blow his own brains out.

Gosling eventually convinced Abram’s he could play the Falcon by sending the director a short film he’d made himself:

It’s quite a piece of work. Ryan is naked in a black room with plastic stars on the walls and crudely drawn planets and constellations. It looks like he has something on his back and when the camera moves in for a close up you see he’s taped miniature Star Wars figures onto himself. For the next three hours he runs around the room pretending to be an aeroplane. It’s crazy but J.J. saw something in it he liked.

The casting of Gosling is welcome news for the production which has suffered a series of disappointments lately. Bradley Cooper had to decline the part of a Landspeeder due to scheduling differences and Leonardo DiCaprio injured his groin rehearsing for his role as an AT-AT Walker.

Star Wars VII is due for release in 2015

CANNES DIARY: DAY 2

CANNES – Hold onto your hats Ladies. Glamour and sex appeal arrived on the Croisette and his name is Timothy Spall.

When Ryan Gosling was an ugly duckling, Michael Fassbender was a sexual position popular in Austria and Tom Hardy, just another Victorian novelist, Spall already had the female world at his beck and call, and he’s back. In Mike Leigh’s wonderful comedy Mr. Turner.

I know what you’re thinking, who plays Hooch? No. I made that mistake too but no, this film (sadly) has nothing to do with the inspired Tom Hanks dog comedy from 1989. No this is all about a dauber of rather inaccurate landscapes who had a penchant for spitting on his canvases.

I had an opportunity to talk to Spall and I put it to him that many female members of his audience – if not a few male – were coming to ogle rather than admire.

Yes, that is true and it saddens me. I’m a human being with feelings and inner thoughts and I get heartily tired of being treated like beef cake, which I am as well. Obviously. This film is an opportunity for me to branch out into a role I really feel. Mike had me study painting for two years in preparation and the rehearsal period was very long. A full six months.

And what about the spitting?

Three weeks of spitting, one for consistency and a fortnight for direction.

Amazing. And what’s next for Spall?

I’m going to be playing Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Grey.

Mr. Turner is out in October.

2014 CANNES LINE UP ANNOUNCED

PARIS  – The 67th Cannes Film Festival line up was announced today in Paris, France by Gilles Jacob and Thierry Frémaux, and there were some big surprises.

Opening Film: 

Space Nugget (3D), Dan Harmon

In Competition:


My Wife the Leper, Gundi Baba

Tedious China, Xi Ling

My Grandmother’s Dog Has Cancer (Again), Zoltar Vochkin

Soup. Croutons. Soup. Abdellatif Kechiche

Knight of Two Cups, Terrence Malick

Not Just a Pretty Face, Ryan Gosling

Il Mio Debut Numero 3, Asia Argento

Sex and the City 3, Ken Loach

Mr. Potter and the Chamber of Prequels, Mike Leigh

I Haven’t Had a Glass of Clean Water for Five Years, Soso

Sosoko

25 Year Old Asshole, Xavier Dolan

Are You Being Served? Tommy Lee Jones

Fox Kisser, Alba Wonka

Admit it, You Thought I was Dead, Jean Luc Godard

Malaysia’s Last Chocolate Biscuit, Brillante Mendoza

My Father’s Racist Vagina, Lars Von Trier

Closing Film:

Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (Andy Fickman)

GANGSTER SQUAD LARGELY FORGOTTEN

HOLLYWOOD – It came as some relief today that the AMA declared that those unfortunate enough to have watched Gangster Squad when it was released earlier this year have – for the most part- already forgotten it.

‘The symptoms of slack mouthed drooling and bleary eyed alienation have for the most part passed,’ remarked Dr. Shuman in a 400 page report. ‘It’s almost like it never existed.’
No one was more relieved than cast member Ryan Gosling, who candidly admitted to having slept through his own performance. 

I thought the gig was up. I was blander than one of the entrees in my macrobiotic restaurant Gosling’s Guzzler Hole. But fortunately not that many people went to see it and those who did have now filled that brain space with some other inanity.

Co-star Josh Brolin also declared himself ‘happy and exhausted from the trauma’ of Reuben Fleischer’s soporific grind. He apologized to all his fan and promised not to do it again. Sean Penn was a lone voice, declaring he thought ‘it wasn’t that bad’, confirming many people’s opinion of him as an out and out fruit cake who always takes the opposite view in order to be controversial.  
We asked Dr. Shuman if there was any danger that the publication of his report ‘The Blessed Forgetfulness that Followed Gangster Squad‘ might revive memories, to which he replied:

Shit! You know, we never thought of that.  

Gangster Squad 2 will be available on pay per view.

ONLY GOD FORGIVES: REVIEW


The Driver (Ryan Gosling) has been having ‘One Night in Bangkok’ for a few years, running a boxing club and drug dealing, when his big brother gets himself offed. Cue their mother (Kristin Scott Thomaswho turns up looking like Cameron Diaz’s young Ma and trash-talks Driver into seeking revenge from a local policeman (Vithaya Pansringarm), who with his choppy sword and his impassive face is behaving like Charles Bronson on Xanax.

Nicholas Winding Refn has self-consciously made a Midnight Movie, a thin blade of a film with lashings of Ultra Violence, body horror and a hypnotically threatening soundtrack by Cliff Martinez. The story is slight and no more than an excuse for certain key scenes – the boxing match being an obvious centre piece – and the characters likewise are an exercise in style, with Gosling producing a particularly somnambulant parody of himself. 
Channelling his inner David Lynch, Winding Refn has made a good looking film, but it feels like the work of a nice boy playing at bad; a geek grasping for cool, a European dabbling in the icky-ness of the East. 

ONLY GOD FORGIVES ‘BASICALLY A REMAKE OF BEST EXOTIC MARIGOLD HOTEL’
















COPENHAGEN – Nicholas Winding Refn has revealed that his Drive follow up and Cannes contender Only God Forgives has taken as its inspiration The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel. The Pusher director commented:

I already had the script of Only God Forgive written when I saw The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel and immediately I saw the thematic similarities of a violent clash between East and West, man and woman. I immediately rewrote the script to bring it more in line.


John Madden – director of The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel and other comfortably carpeted films such as Shakespeare In Love – said that he was flattered by the attention paid to his films:

I know Nicholas’ work very well and it is difficult for me to believe he could have found anything inspiring in my well worn but pleasant little film. And yet he is adamant that my film is the true inspiration for his so, with that in mind, I can only feel great pride. Mystification naturally, but also pride.  

The Great Dane (as Refn prefers to be known) said:

My film will obviously be a bit more violent, because basically I haven’t got the courage of John just to let the story tell itself and I need to drag the audience into my world via such flummeries. I tried to cast the same actors but Bill Nighy was doing every other film this year and had quite a full schedule and Judi Dench slapped my face, which I took as a personal honour.

Only God Forgives will première at the 66th Cannes Film Festival.

RYAN GOSLING QUITS HOLLYWOOD FOR CAREER IN PORN












HOLLYWOOD – A-List actor and housewives’ favorite, Ryan Gosling has sensationally quit mainstream cinema for a career in adult entertainment.

TheStudio Exec caught up with Gosling on the set of his first porn film Missionary: Impossible in which he plays the lead character of super spy Ethan Hump.


Ryan. Why porn?

Well I came to the conclusion that the audience isn’t really interested in my movies. Sure they watch them and they pretend they appreciate my performance but at the end of the day they just want to see my cock.


How did you reach that conclusion?

I get about 100 fan letters a day, from both men and women and they never say ‘Hey Ryan, I admired your work in Blue Valentine or ‘ Your performance in Half-Nelson encouraged me to get off crack’. Instead, it’s always ‘Can you send me a picture of your cock?’ Personally I don’t find the male genitalia that aesthetically pleasing but I guess I’m in the minority.


Why do you think people are infatuated with your penis?

I’m just the flavour of the month. Mike Fassbender told me he used to get 1000s of requests and he only did Shame because he was sick of photocopying his cock. After he showed it on camera the requests stop coming. People just want to see it. Christ knows what they think I’ve got down there.


I assume that it must be impressive.

You’ll never get to know. I’ll be using a stunt cock for all of my sex scenes.


What’s a stunt cock?

My buddy Jimmy Riggs. It’s his cock you’ll see on all the close ups. You think I’m going to show my cock on camera? My f*cking mother’s alive for Christ sake. Would you want your mother to see your cock?


Well if you aren’t showing your own cock then surely you’ll still get the requests.

Yeah but as far as I’m concerned that’s better than the alternative. Hell I might have kids one day and do I want to sit across from my son or daughter’s English teacher at parents’ evening thinking ‘Have they seen my cock?’ No I do not.


But what if the English teacher was one of those people who wrote to you to request a picture?

Then they should be f*cking fired! What kind of weird bastard writes to someone to ask them to send you a picture of their cock! Most of the time they don’t even introduce themselves or bother starting the letter with a ‘Dear Ryan’. Last week I got cocktail napkin with ‘SEND COCK’ written in lipstick. I mean whatever happened to common f*cking courtesy?


Indeed. Sorry that’s all we’ve got time for. By the way, would you mind autographing a picture for my wife? Put, to Karen, all my love Ryan.

Sure no problem. I’ve got some head shots here. Do you think she’ll want a side profile or face forward?


Er. I don’t suppose you’ve got any of those cock shots left do you?

CHRISTOPH WALTZ IS RYAN GOSLING’S FATHER

HOLLYWOOD – Today Hollywood was in tatters following the revelation that Ryan Gosling is actually twice-Oscar-winning German actor Christoph Waltz‘s ‘natural’ son.

‘It’s true,’ the Teutonic actor admitted. ‘Ish.’ Rumors have been rife for some time, but when some idiot typed the words ‘Christoph Waltz young’ into Google, they were shocked to find that the truth had been there all along.

Gosling, whose finest work was not in Gangster Squad, has decided to deny reality.

No my dad is Canadian. I’m not related in anyway to Mr. Waltz although I do admire his work.  I think we just look a little similar. Not really that much when it comes down to it. 

Chrisptoph Waltz – who was famous in his native Germany for having invented a dance – was spotted by Quentin Tarantino in the German version of Dancing with the Stars called Tanzen Mit Den Sternen and cast in Reservoir Dogs where he played the manager of the jewelers that got robbed.

I was disappointed not to be in the finished film, but Quentin remembered me and said one of these days I’ll do a film about Nazis and you can be in that. Really I am a very lucky man. 

How do you feel about having a son?

It’s hard to assimilate. I was very drunk in the Seventies so it wouldn’t be impossible and he is an actor, like me. So yes. I’m very happy. We will play the stick and the bat together.