KUM BA YA: THE FIRST CHRISTIAN SEX MOVIE?

HOLLYWOOD – Following on from the box office success of such Christian friendly movies as God’s Not Dead, Son of God and Heaven is For Real comes Kum Ba Ya, what makers are claiming to be the first big budget piece of Adult Entertainment specifically aimed at a Christian audience.

Ex-Porn actor and born again Christian Nathanial Felait explained the concept:

Some people believe that Christianity and sex don’t mix but we’re here to say otherwise. In our film, we have a series of saucy situations which will titillate but never deviate.

What’s the film about?

Brian (Greg Kinnear) loves Sarah (Rachel Evans Wood) who he first sees in church, but is occasionally worried by unclean thoughts. He seeks advice from Father Ralph (Ricky Gervais) who tells him that only Holy Matrimony will allow him to indulge in such pleasures of the flesh and only for the purposes of procreation. Not like his Best Gay Friend Stephen (Russell Brand) who has sex with man after man after man after man, but finds no fulfillment in such unnatural congress, as Brian can see when he repeatedly spies on him. Brian even watches Todd (Vince Vaughn) his neighbor having sex with his wife Emily (Mila Kunis), but Brian tries his best not to covet.

Wow.

 Finally, Sarah agrees to marry Brian and once bound by the holy bonds of matrimony according to the rituals of the Holy Church, Brian penetrates her again and again and again, in all sorts of positions and places, all for the purposes of procreation and all thoroughly approved by the many church leaders of all denominations who we consulted with on the making of the film. Some of them watching the film again and again and again just to make sure.  

Do you anticipate the full support of the Christian community for your movie?

The combination of holy morality and full unsimulated sex should bring out the Christian audience. We’ve heard that coach parties are being organised and whole theaters booked by church groups. The only complaints we’ve had have come from the Catholic priesthood who protested that the actors were all a bit too old.

Kum Ba Ya is coming soon!

RUSSELL BRAND DOCUMENTARY ABOUT RUSSELL BRAND

AUSTIN – It was revealed today that Ondi Timoner’s new documentary Brand: A Second Coming is about Russell Brand.

The film – which premiered at SXSW – follows the TV Presenter/ film actor / comedian / Katy Perry’s husband Russell Brand as Russell Brand abandons Russell Brand’s film career in order to concentrate on himself: Russell Brand. Although Russell Brand himself was initially supposed to present the film and give a keynote speech at the festival, Russell Brand decided not to turn up and the director revealed Russell Brand was difficult and controlling to work with and even attempted to block the release of the film. The film itself has had a long and tortured gestation period with a number of different directors attached and a shift in focus from the more general theme of Happiness to the more specific theme of Russell Brand.

Russell Brand has lately courted controversy with Russell Brand’s views that the social system is unjust and poor people are hard done by. Although this has led to many criticizing Russell Brand, including linguist and intellectual Sean Hannity, hardly a word has been said about Russell Brand’s true crimes. Not the drug addiction and revolutionary politics which Russell Brand talks about openly but the fact Russell Brand appeared in the Arthur remake, a fact that Russell Brand seems keen on everybody forgetting.

Russell Brand russells brand branding russell, russell brand. Brand brands branding russell: russell russell brand and brand brand russell. Russelling brand russells brand brand russells.

Russell Brand features in Brand: A Second Coming will be released in Russell Brand vision.

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT KATY PERRY

HOLLYWOOD –  Katy Perry is famous for singing songs, but what else is there to know about the song singer?

The Studio Exec FACT squad talked to Russell Brand to find out more about the Dark Horse singer.

1. Katy Perry is a proudly outspoken and politically active lesbian, with her signature hit ‘I Kissed a Girl’ a frank anthem about the pleasures of Saphic love.

2. Katy Perry’s celebrated half time show at the Superbowl was based on the Ken Kesey short story ‘The Time I Took Acid and There Were All These Sharks and Tigers and Shit’.

3. Always a precocious talent, Katy Perry recorded the theme song to the 1982 film Rocky 3, two years before she was born.

4. As well as a talented singer, Katy Perry also issues her own fragrances which she secretes at night and which are collected in a trough that is then poured into buckets which are then taken to factories where they are then poured into small bottles which are then sold to consumers for monies. Killer Queen, her most popular fragrance, issues from behind her knees.

5. Her marriage to comedian Russell Brand broke up due to the fact that he kept making her giggle while she was eating soup and it kept spilling off her fork. Ironically, this is the only recorded instance of Russell Brand making anyone laugh.

For more FACTS click HERE.

RUSSELL BRAND ACCUSED OF NEVER GOING TO UNIVERSITY

LONDON – The British Empire was shaken today when it came to light that Russell Brand, actor, comedian and political commentator, does not have a university education.

Journalists from the right wing Daily Mail and the left wing Guardian formed an unlikely coalition in denouncing the upstart entertainer for criticizing his betters and drawing into the popular debate such complicated, bothersome and technical matters as parliamentary democracy, the disenfranchised and the role of money in politics.

The trouble started when Mr. Brand wrote a book called Revolution, and this despite having not had a first class education at either Oxford or Cambridge, or even one of the dreaded red brick universities (similar to our community colleges).

Esteemed political commentator, Eton old boy and Oxbridge graduate Nicholas Farkward told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

Russell Brand’s a menace and needs to be stamped out. First off he has a wonky Essex accent and doesn’t pronounce stuff proper. Then he has  lots of money and, according to my source in the netherworld, was married briefly to Katy Perry.

So are you saying celebrities shouldn’t speak about politics?

No of course not. A celebrity, especially a very rich one, can talk all they like about politics. Michael Caine for instance wasn’t university educated, slept with beautiful women and has a bit of a working class accent, but when he complains about having to pay too much tax, he speaks sound sense. Why Mr. Brand is talking about social injustice and poverty is beyond me. We already have Bono!

The Brand-Lash now involves trolling on a large scale as well as a chorus of derision. Of course, not everything Russell Brand says is coherent, but the derision being heaped on him is really down to the fact he doesn’t wear the correct school tie. In fact sometimes he doesn’t wear a tie at all.

For a cogent background article, read here.

Russell Brand was unavailable to comment but you will find much of what he has said all over the internet. 

DARREN ARONOFSKY CONFIRMS NOAH PREQUEL

NEW YORK – During an interview at the New York Film Festival, Darren Aronofsky told the journalists that he intended to film a prequel to his hit film Noah, provisionally titled Genesis.

Although Aronofsky said the production was in its early stages he did confirm that Adam Driver and Eva Mendez are going to play Adam and Eve, and that they’ll be tempted in the garden of Eden by Russell Brand.

Darren Aronofsky told assembled members of the world press and the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

The only reason I want to do it is because people have told me its a stupid idea. I did the same thing when they told me a film about ballerinas was a non-starter. They said hiring Mickey Rourke to play a wrestler would be a disaster. They even said that Hugh Jackman trying to cure death via magic mushrooms would not be a popular movie. Okay, they were right with the last one, but this has hit written all over it. Also to keep the consistency of names that I’ve got going in the cast, I’ve also got Genesis to agree to provide the soundtrack.

 

Genesis: The Invisible Touch will be released in early Spring of 2016. 

 

SEAN HANNITY DOES COMEDY SPECIAL ON HBO

HOLLYWOOD – Following clashes with Russell Brand and Stephen Colbert, Fox anchor Sean Hannity today said that he finds nobody funny and so he’s going to do it himself in a new HBO comedy special Hannity Laughs at People who are Different from Us. The 52 year old conservative commentator spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec:

I’ve tried watching comics and comedians but I don’t find any of them funny. They all strike me as a bunch of lame brained liberals who spend half their time warring against Christmas and the other half supporting terrorist organisations such as Hamas and the ACLU.  Stephen Colbert isn’t funny. He’s mildly funnier than Jon Stewart but Jon Stewart is only as funny as a child’s freshly dug grave by which I mean: not funny at all. Russell Brand is so not funny he goes all the way round starts to become funny again but then laps himself and lands in NOT FUNNY.

What about other comedians?

Who like?

Charlie Chaplin?

Immigrant, vagrant, communist, get a job.

Woody Allen?

Pervert, anti-Semite.

Monty Python?

Never heard of him.

Adam Sandler?

Now he is a funny guy. He’s funny. Yeah, Sandler is the man when it comes to comedy. You see some people look at my big Irish head and think I haven’t got a sense of humor, an iota of nuance or good humor because of all my rage and bigotry. But Adam Sandler films do make me laugh. So there you go I do have a sense of humor after all.

What is your own show going to be like?

It is a very basic stand up style that I’m going to adopt. Very pared down. Me and a stool. And then I’m going to give classic observational comedy. Like for instance, ‘have you ever noticed that Asians are bad drivers?’ Then people will laugh because it’s both funny and true. All my comedy is based on picking up on people who either through accident of birth, or sexuality, or life decisions, or hard luck are just not normal like me. If you’re a straight white Irish/American male I think you’ll find a lot to laugh at.

The HBO special Sean Hannity: Laughing at People Who Are Different from Us will be released in 2015.

SEAN HANNITY / RUSSELL BRAND CEASEFIRE COLLAPSES

HOLLYWOOD – The ceasefire between British comedian Russell Brand and Fox News commentator Sean Hannity broke down in the early hours of this morning with Sean Hannity launching a massive ‘you’re a D List actor’ bombardment followed by a ‘more famous for your failed marriage to Katy Perry’ ground assault. Continue reading “SEAN HANNITY / RUSSELL BRAND CEASEFIRE COLLAPSES”