‘CHRIS HEMSWORTH SMELLS OF BASKETS’, SAYS RON HOWARD

HOLLYWOOD – Shocking news just in today that Thor the God of Thunder and James Hunt the star of Rush, Chris Hemsworth smells of baskets. And not good ones.

Chris Hemsworth is the elder member of a family of beefcake, that also includes Lawrence bait, Liam Hemsworth, who are currently plying their trade in the motion picture industry. Young Hemsworth has made something of a name for himself with performances as Thor in Thor and racing car driver James Rush in Rush as well as the eponymous Hat in the Michael Mann film no one went to see Black Hat. But today it was revealed to the world via an anonymous source that the hunky star with the ability to play it for laughs has a very distinct odor.

Ron Howard dropped by the Studio Exec bungalow to lay the lowdown on us wearing a heavy disguise as an old Richie Cunningham.

He smells of baskets. And not good fresh baskets either. Flower baskets, or baskets full of toys. No. The kind of baskets that have been used to catch crabs for generations and then have been left in the corner of the dockyard warehouse for like three years, until they’re covered in a strange black algae.

Urgh!

Exactly. And on the set everyone is going ‘Phew! Who cut the cheese?’ But then someone else, I think it was Cillian Murphy, said, ‘It doesn’t smell like cheese, or farts. It smells like baskets.’

How was it directing him In The Heart of the Sea?

I don’t know what you are talking about. I’m not Ron Howard. Ron Howard is the director of In the Heart of The Sea. I’m not he.

By the way you’re making a film about events that inspired Moby Dick.

Yes. That’s to say, Ron Howard is.

Why not just make a version of Moby Dick?

Chris Hemsworth smells of baskets, baskets, baskets.

In the Heart of the Sea will be in cinemas next month.

RON HOWARD’S ILLEGAL MIME FARM DISCOVERED

HOLLYWOOD – Rush and Apollo 13 director Ron Howard has been arrested following the discovery at his California ranch of an illegal mime farm.

Over 150 mimes were rescued from what police officers described as ‘inhuman conditions’.

Officer Shelly McReth of the Special Mime Unit told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

You see some pretty disgraceful things in this job, the kind of things you think will harden you, but in all my years of law enforcement and work amongst mimes, this is perhaps the most flagrant and revolting exploitation of mimes I have ever seen. We found fifty mimes crammed into one invisible glass box which at most was only ever supposed to hold twelve.

How did Howard come to capture so many?

We believe that the Happy Days star trapped the mimes by asking them to carry heavy luggage on a windy day, sometimes while being dragged into a net by a gust filled umbrella.

Many neighbors in the area where Howard has his mansion expressed astonishment at the revelations.

This is a really quiet neighborhood. We never noticed anything. But then again, actually it being quiet… well… that probably is understandable now that I think about it.

Why Howard was keeping the mimes, whether it was to sell them to illegal Mexican mime clubs or for his own personal gratification is as yet unclear, but if found guilty of the accusations, Howard could be looking at a fine as high as $240.

As to whether the Howard’s arrest will unduly effect his next project – a biopic based on the life of Marcel Marceau – there is as yet no word.

 

RUSH: REVIEW

RUSH: REVIEW – Thor comes back to Earth but this time to drive really fast cars and have as much sex as he can with women who are not Natalie Portman.

Here, however, he meets his arch enemy, Niki Lauder, who single-handedly deconstructs the German/Austrian stereotype by insisting on the importance of precision and life-denying hard work and humorlessness as the route to… oh wait.  

Anyway, the racing is exciting, the period well done, the true story bizarre enough to give you the odd splutter of disbelief and at the end the heavy metal band Rush turn up and play a series of hits including Tom Sawyer, in a ham-fisted  attempt to justify the title which really should have been Lauder/Hunt.  

CHRIS HEMSWORTH IS EDDIE THE EAGLE

LONDON – Having just completed filming a portrait of one of the sexiest British sporting legends of the 1970s in Rush, Chris Hemsworth is taking on one of the sexiest British sporting legends of the 1980s in Eddie the Eagle.

Eddie ‘the Eagle’ Edwards was the first British sportsman to contend in the Olympic event of ski-jumping. Eddie ‘the Eagle’ Edwards dominated the 1988 Winter Olympics in Calgary, coming last in both the 70 and 90 metre jumps.  Chris was delighted to talk to the Studio Exec exclusively about the project:

I very much see this as a sequel to Rush and in fact I did talk to Ron [Howard] about calling it Rush 2, but he just laughed and clapped his hands. Both James Hunt and Eddie ‘the Eagle’ Edwards were dare devils in their own way. They both lived for the adrenalin. The only difference is that one was at the very top of his sport and the other was at the very bottom. 

Eddie the Eagle begins filming this Winter.