BEN AFFLECK OWNS SLAVES, SONY HACK REVEALS

HOLLYWOOD  -Batman star and Argo director Ben Affleck is a slave owner, hacked Sony emails leaked by Wikileaks revealed today.

Ben Affleck (42) revealed his concern about owning slaves when a PBS television show Finding Your Roots, hosted by Professor Henry Louis Gates, uncovered evidence that he was a slave owner, even though slavery had been abolished in 1865 by the thirteenth amendment of the constitution. The emails between the show’s producer and the presenter reveal that Affleck was uncomfortable with the information tarnishing his image. The email reads:

While reviewing the evidence of his ancestors, Affleck said that he didn’t see anything wrong with slave owning and he owned a few himself. As soon as he said it he clapped his hand over his mouth and went quite red. I probed as to whether this was a joke or something. He laughed uncomfortably and said that his slaves were well treated but people wouldn’t understand that the director of Argo would keep slaves and might think badly of him. ‘I’m already getting enough sh*t as it is playing Batman,’ he said.

Hollywood slave owning is nothing new. Steven Spielberg had a large slave plantation in the 1970s and a few months ago Happy Days actor and director Ron Howard was discovered to own an illegal mime farm. Although it is unlikely that Ben Affleck will face criminal charges for the slave owning, there is a chance that his chances of a Best Actor nomination for Batman will be adversely affected.

Batman V. Superman will be released in 2016.

RON HOWARD ADMITS MIME FARM GUILT

HOLLYWOOD – Ron Howard today admitted that he felt terrible about the revelations of his secret mime farm.

In a tweet to the Studio Exec the Cocoon director confessed that it was ‘unsustainable.’ To read the original story, CLICK HERE.

Henry Winkler, who played the Fonz alongside Howard in Happy Days, was supportive of his former colleague. ‘We all make mistakes,’ said Winkler. ‘But as the Fonz might say, “Sit on it!”‘

 

RON HOWARD’S ILLEGAL MIME FARM DISCOVERED

HOLLYWOOD – Rush and Apollo 13 director Ron Howard has been arrested following the discovery at his California ranch of an illegal mime farm.

Over 150 mimes were rescued from what police officers described as ‘inhuman conditions’.

Officer Shelly McReth of the Special Mime Unit told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

You see some pretty disgraceful things in this job, the kind of things you think will harden you, but in all my years of law enforcement and work amongst mimes, this is perhaps the most flagrant and revolting exploitation of mimes I have ever seen. We found fifty mimes crammed into one invisible glass box which at most was only ever supposed to hold twelve.

How did Howard come to capture so many?

We believe that the Happy Days star trapped the mimes by asking them to carry heavy luggage on a windy day, sometimes while being dragged into a net by a gust filled umbrella.

Many neighbors in the area where Howard has his mansion expressed astonishment at the revelations.

This is a really quiet neighborhood. We never noticed anything. But then again, actually it being quiet… well… that probably is understandable now that I think about it.

Why Howard was keeping the mimes, whether it was to sell them to illegal Mexican mime clubs or for his own personal gratification is as yet unclear, but if found guilty of the accusations, Howard could be looking at a fine as high as $240.

As to whether the Howard’s arrest will unduly effect his next project – a biopic based on the life of Marcel Marceau – there is as yet no word.

 

RON HOWARD TO DIRECT HAPPY DAYS MOVIE

HOLLYWOOD – Sunday, Monday, Happy Days, sang Ron Howard, announcing the final green lighting of his dream project: The Happy Days Movie.

Once he’d stopped singing, the Cocoon director told Studio Exec exclusively:

For years I’ve been running away from Richie Cunningham. Was a time someone even mentioned Richie and I’d punch them out cold. I mean seriously. But it was while we were filming Rush that Henry Winkler called me up. I hadn’t seen him for years. Anyway he called me up and he said he had my family… [hyperventilating] he has my family. I have to … So I’m really looking forward to working with him again. He’s an artistic genius.  

The new film will feature a reunion of surviving cast members and will be set in the same time period as the original despite the different ages of the cast. 

I did suggest we change the ages or bring in new young members and we’d play like their parents or something, but then Henry sent me a package and when I opened it there was a smaller passage and so on and so forth like a Russian doll until…. Jesus… until there was this small finger sized box.

Why don’t you contact the police?

 These days are ours, happy and free [sobbing] These Happy Days!

Happy Days: The Motion Picture will be released just before Ron Howard’s family.

SCOTT BAIO TO STAR IN SEQUEL TO THE QUEEN

HOLLYWOOD – Legendary American actor Scott Baio is to star in a sequel to Helen Mirren’s Oscar winner The Queen. Charles in Charge is set in the near future and sees the onset of a succession crisis, as Prince Charles struggles with his own children, a vicious daughter-in-law and his own unpopularity following the abdication of his mother Queen Elizabeth II. 

Chachi said: 

I’m delighted finally to get a role that will stretch me. I mean, it’s no secret that the phone has stopped ringing and if it wasn’t for the wonderful though sporadic work I pick up on the cruise ships things could really have gone hard for me. 

A former Happy Days alumnus is also in action behind the camera, as Ron Howard has replaced Stephen Frears where he’ll be shouting ‘action’ and ‘cut’ in his own inimitable way. 

I’m fascinated by the British monarchy as I think all Americans are. And yet there is a moment of great uncertainty approaching. Elizabeth the second has been on the throne now for decades and most young people have never known another ruling monarch. So the future is laden with some real possibilities and as we know from Shakespeare, power struggles of this kind can be fascinating.

Scott Baio continues:

When I first met with Ron to talk about the script, he told me there were two reasons he wanted me. Number one, he believed I had never truly got an opportunity to show the world what a great actor I was. And number two, he thought the joke with the name of an old show I was in and the idea of playing with that was irresistible.

Of the two reasons he gave which one do you thing weighed heaviest?

I’d have to say the second one.

Charles in Charge will be released in 2016.

RUSH: REVIEW

RUSH: REVIEW – Thor comes back to Earth but this time to drive really fast cars and have as much sex as he can with women who are not Natalie Portman.

Here, however, he meets his arch enemy, Niki Lauder, who single-handedly deconstructs the German/Austrian stereotype by insisting on the importance of precision and life-denying hard work and humorlessness as the route to… oh wait.  

Anyway, the racing is exciting, the period well done, the true story bizarre enough to give you the odd splutter of disbelief and at the end the heavy metal band Rush turn up and play a series of hits including Tom Sawyer, in a ham-fisted  attempt to justify the title which really should have been Lauder/Hunt.  

BREAKFAST WITH ASSHOLES: 21. RON HOWARD

LONDON – With a new film in cinemas – the Formula 1 racing thriller Rush – I jumped at the chance to sit down with the Angels and Demons director Ron Howard to discuss this project and his career.

Little did I know that he was on a strict color coordinated diet and worse yet today was a blue day.

So Richie, what first attracted you to Formula 1 as a subject for a film?

I suppose it was simply reading Peter Morgan’s wonderful script. You see we’d worked already on Frost/Nixon and… wait a second.

What?

Did you just call me Richie?

No. 

Okay. I think … where was I?  Oh yeah, the script was really good so I latched onto that. 

When you were directing the actors did you have any difficulties?

No, not at all both Daniel Bruhl and Chris Hemsworth are very talented actors. And extremely professional, though I am sorry to hear that Chris and Miley Cyrus have split up.

I heard that Daniel at one point during the driver’s meeting scene refused to sit on a stool and you had to tell him ‘to sit on it’.

I don’t remember that incident specifically. As I say, there are times a director has to put his foot … oh wait I see what you’re doing.

What?

You’re just…

I heard the schedule was very tight. What was the typical week?

Erm… Well, it was tight as a matter of fact. It was a lot of shooting and a lot of hard work. We’d start Monday…

Tuesday Happy Days!

Oh this is bullshit. I came here to do an interview. And you’re just trying to make a bunch of lame Richie Cunningham references. 

Best work you did Richie.

I made Cinderella Man, Goddam it! And Apollo 13 and Far and Away. The Da Vinci Code… You know now that you think about it Happy Days was a lot of fun. Okay fair enough. Ask away.

Well, actually that’s all we have time for and these Gorgonzola cornflakes are beginning to repeat.

No come back, seriously. I can tell you what Henry Winkler’s really like. And I got a hilarious story about the time Potsie potsied Joanie. Hey…


For all the Breakfasts CLICK HERE.

DAVID LYNCH TO DIRECT SHIA

HOLLYWOOD – Until recently it was Ron Howard’s dream project but a falling out with the studio about budgeting and disagreements on set with lead actor Daniel Day Lewis has led to Ron Howard being replaced by David Lynch as the director of Shia, the biopic based on the life of Shia LaBeouf.

With his interests in transcendental meditation and his new career as a recording artist, many inside Hollywood had given Lynch up as having gone into early retirement. His last film Inland Empire came out in 2006 and divided both critics and audiences. Since then the weirdness himself has been concentrating on promoting his meditation centre and making his hair approximate a question mark. So why the change of heart? Studio Exec asked when we caught up with David at the Chick-Fil-A at Venice Beach.

 

In Lars Von Trier’s Nymphomaniac

‘For Shia,’ Lynch says, tucking into his homophobic bucket. ‘Shia LaBeouf isn’t just a man. Nor is he simply an actor. He’s the universe. He’s talking forwards, talking backwards, the Elephant Man, the dancing dwarf, the lady with the log, Dennis Hopper and Isabella Rosselini. He’s those big willy-looking worms from Dune. He is America. He is the Universe.’

But isn’t he quite young…?

‘He is youth, he is wisdom,’ says Lynch. ‘Shia is an actor who has galvanized a generation, mesmerized a nation, unified the universe. Did you see him in Lawless?’

But what about Daniel Day Lewis?

‘He’ll do,’ smirks Lynch.

For more on the early stages of Shia click here.

Shia will be released in 2015.

EWAN MCGREGOR JOINS PRIESTHOOD

ROME – Ewan McGregor revealed today that in a secret ceremony earlier that week he had taken orders as a Catholic priest.

The 41 year old actor will abandon his family and move into a seminary where he will study for a year before undertaking missionary work, possibly in Africa. Ewan McGregor told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

I was never that good an actor. And recently I’ve been unbelievably bad at choosing scripts. When I was doing Angels and Demons – another stinker by the way – Ron Howard said me that I looked great dressed like that. He said the cassock really suited me. And that got me thinking.

But what does Father Ewan think of the Catholic church’s stance on Gay marriage and abortion?

Do they have any stances on those issues? I don’t know about all that. I just love the clothes really. I like the way when I walk down the stone flagged aisles of the church it makes a lovely swishing sound. As for transubstantiation of the Eucharist and the reality of the Holy Ghost, I’ve been acting against green screen for years so I can sell any bullshit.  

 The Impossible will be Fr. Ewan McGregor’s final film.

HOLLYWOOD UNCUT: JESSICA TANDY’S DELETED SCENES












The ‘Driving Miss Daisy’ sex scene.
The Oscar winning feel good film might not be regarded as quite the family favourite if Beresford had not been forced to cut a love scene between Morgan Freeman and Jessica Tandy.

We spent three days filming that scene” said a reflective Beresford.

It was all tastefully shot and although you saw Morgan’s erect penis briefly the studios main objection was Tandy’s lack of pubic hair. They said a 70 year old church going woman would have a thick, matted bush and a shaven crotch suggested she was a bit slutty which wasn’t in keeping with the character. Jessica offered to grow it out so we could re-shoot but we ran out of time.


The ‘Batteries not Included’ crack scene.

The tale of miniature aliens who visit the residents of an apartment block on the verge of demolition was, according to co-writer Brad Bird, originally much darker in tone.

In my first draft Tandy’s character was a crack addict and I wrote this great scene in which her character lights up a rock to the sound of Jefferson Airplane’s White Rabbit. The little aliens got a little high off the fumes and started fighting with each other and when she realised her addiction had caused the violence, she decides to quit.”

Bird said he really fought for the scene but executive producer Steven Spielberg insisted it was cut.

Steven had a no drugs policy back then” said Bird. “ Which is weird considering 1941 was obviously made by someone who heavily abusing all manner of substances.”


The ‘Cocoon’ orgy scene.

Back in 1989 Jack Nicholson said to New York post Journalist Ron Barba that he was on his way home to “ Do a couple of lines and watch the Cocoon Orgy scene.”. Barba assumed it was just another Nicholson joke but years later when he told the story to Cocoon director Ron Howard, he was amazed by his response.

Well actually we did film an orgy scene.” said a confessional Howard.

It took place in the swimming pool after the old people had been bathing. It was Don Ameche’s idea I think he had the hots for Jessica. Anyway everyone agreed it was a good idea and so I rolled the camera and let nature take it’s course. The studio didn’t go for it  but someone leaked the raw footage and I guess Nicholson got a copy. Though I did hear that Warren Beatty has been playing it on a loop in his living room for the last 27 years.


LINDSAY LOHAN TO PLAY SLAVOJ ZIZEK

CHICAGO – Lindsay Lohan is to be Slavoj Zizek in the new film Yes We Lacan to be directed by Ron Howard.

She joins Charlie Sheen who has been preparing for his role as Jacques Lacan by studying psychoanalysis in French. Howard was incredibly impressed by Sheen’s work rate and his dedication to the role.

‘I’d heard he was a complete dufus,’ said the one from Happy Days who isn’t the Fonz. ‘But there he was at the Sorbonne seven o’ clock every morning, and he was just talking in perfect French about the relationship between the real, the symbolic and the imaginary. And how these three orders effect our psychic … Hell, I’m giving away the plot.’

Lindsay Lohan has slipped into the role much easier, having been a good friend of Zizek for some years.

‘We’ve been friends for years and we talk a lot,’ said Lohan. ‘Sometimes when he has a big book due out he’ll send me over the gallies and I’ll read them and they will just thrash out the ideas and there he is writing it all down. In Defence of Lost Causes that was mostly me.’

You helped him write the book? 

‘Well, yeah,’ Lohan shakes her head laughing. ‘But it’s not all one way, he came to watch the dailies of Herbie Fully Loaded. In fact it was Slavoj who suggested the full title. Then he laughed that funny laugh of his.’


Yes We Lacan is due out on Christmas Day, 2013.