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RON HOWARD SALO REMAKE GREENLIT

HOLLYWOOD – The Ron Howard Salo remake is finally greenlit and is set to star Tom Hanks, Jason Bateman, Jeffrey Tambor and Michael Cera. The Ron Howard Salo remake of the film based on the Marquis de Sade’s controversial story will be a family friendly version and set in Malibu. The Exec sat down with Ron Howard to discuss his latest project.

So, a Ron Howard Salo Remake? Where did that come from?

I’ve always been a fan of Pier Poalo Pasolini’s film. But it also frustrates me. I get the need for a bit of unpleasantness. But making those poor young people eat the you-know-what and have their thing-a-me-bobs pulled off was too much. And keep their clothes on for Christ-sakes. By filming those scenes he lost his PG-13 rating. Do you know how much money that demographic brings in? Shit loads, that’s how much. Paolo was a fool to himself.

How Will Your Version Be Different?

For a start, we’re filming in Malibu. It’s much easier to get A-listers to sign on if you’re filming some place nice and warm by a beach. We’re also taking the setting away from all the Nazi stuff. If we want those PG-13 dollars, we got to set it in a well-loved era. So it’ll be set in the 80s. Picture it, kids on their BMX bikes, fluorescent headbands, Cyndi Lauper on a ghetto blaster and lots of laughs. Instead of Nazi fascists, we got the school board. And they put some kids in detention and make them do hard, but funny and PG-13 friendly tasks. It’ll be a hoot. We’ll get the kids from Stranger Things. They seem popular. Let me write that down.

What About The Rest Of Your Cast?

The adult school board members will be led by Tom Hanks, obviously. Then we got Jason Bateman as the one who secretly sympathizes with the kids. Jeffrey Tambor will be the baddie. The kids will probably end up pushing him into a swimming pool, that’ll show him, hahahah! And finally we have Michael Cera as the leader of the kids.

Isn’t Michael Cera About 35 Now?

Yeah, but who cares. He’s a buddy of mine and has that confused, innocent shtick going on. He aint doing much these days and kids remember him from Super Bad, so win-win.

The Ron Howard Salo Remake Starts Shooting In Malibu Next Spring

COCOON REBOOT RON HOWARD DIRECTING

HOLLYWOOD – With the announcement there will be a Cocoon Reboot Ron Howard has confirmed he can no longer be bothered with new ideas for films. The Exec caught up with Hollywood’s go to director to discuss his return to the Cocoon Reboot Ron Howard franchise.

What gave you the idea for a Cocoon reboot?

Is it really an idea or is it just financial capitulation? I mean, who the fuck can bothered with coming up with new ideas that nobody gives a shit about? The way I see it, I could either make a new film and collaborate with new writers. I could discover a new story that excites me. Engage with new and upcoming actors who can brings fresh and young ideas to the art form.

That sounds exciting.

Hang on, I didn’t finish. I could do all that. Or, I could just churn out another rehashed idea from one of my so-called ‘80s classics’. I could throw Tom Hanks in as the lead, because we can do this shit with our eyes closed now. Boom, we make a few mill at the box office. Or easier still, we get those suckers at Netflix or Prime to cough up the dough. We don’t even have to bother doing press tours then.

Forgive me for saying, but isn’t that a rather jaded attitude?

I couldn’t give a shit if it is. I’m a multi-millionaire film maker that still wears baseball caps indoors. Do I look like I care? Anyway, Tom Hanks plays some rich old fucker who one day discovers these Cocoons in his pool. He gets in the pool and then BAM! He’s doing cartwheels or some shit like that. We’ll get him to run up and down a giant keyboard that lights up.

Isn’t that from Big?

Oh yeah, that’s where it comes from. Fuck it, we’ll say it’s a fun homage. He then becomes involved with a secret, mask-wearing sex cult as he goes through a crisis of confidence in his own marriage.

That’s just ripping off Eyes Wide Shut. Surely?

HOMAGE! HOMAGE, HOMAGE, HOMAGE!

The Cocoon reboot starts filming next month.

DISNEY: LORD AND MILLER TO RETURN TO SOLO

HOLLYWOOD – Phil Lord and Christopher Miller are to return to the set of Solo: a Star Wars Story and finish their version of the film.

Disney announced today that Phil Lord and Christopher Miller are to be reinstated as directors of Star Wars a Solo Story. They will complete their version of the film which will be released in July this year. The decision came shortly on the heels of the reinstatement of James Gunn as the director of Guardians of the Galaxy 3. A source close to Disney claimed there was no connection.

Everyone here thought that Solo was okay when it came out and it certainly made some money. But there were some heads being scratched as to how the movie was so dull looking. Partly this was Ron Howard but also the digital grading and the way the script had been changed. We decided it couldn’t hurt to have the boys back and see if they could put things right.

Although the filming had almost been completed when Lord and Miller were fired, Howard apparently re-filmed the bulk of the movie.

This means they won’t actually have much to film. They’ll add some new stuff to finish it. They need to have a couple of cast members back but not the whole cast.

Ron Howard issued a statement.

I’m very proud of the film I made. It was a huge thrill to be part of the Star Wars universe. Having said that, Lord and Miller are so good I can’t wait to see what they do.

Solo: the Lord Miller Cut is out July 8, 2019.

TOM HARDY TO PLAY THE FONZ IN HAPPY DAYS SPIN OFF

HOLLYWOOD – Venom and Mad Max star Tom Hardy to Arthur ‘the Fonz’ Fonzarelli in a new Happy Days spin off movie.

‘Sit on it!’ Tom Hardy says as he comes in the room. He’s preparing for the role of a life time, Arthur the Fonz Fonzarelli. Living upstairs with the Cunninghams, Fonz returns in a new big screen outing and Hardy can’t wait.

I loved Happy Days when I was a kid. Monday – Tuesday – Happy Days! Wednesday – Thursday Happy Days! – the week is through there’s nothing to do rocking all night with youuuuuuuuuu!

Yeah, that’s gr…

These are the days ahhh ahhh ah!

Okay right! Enough! So Ron Howard is directing?

Yeah, having Richie Cunningham is going to be really special. We really want to have the old flavor of the original. That’s why the original Fonz Henry Winkler will be returning as my dad. And other cast members are coming back.

Like Scott Baio.

With Scott, it’s complicated. We have to see if Olive Garden will give him the time off.

The Fonz is Back will be released in 2019.

GUILLERMO DEL TORO PREPS SPLASH 2

HOLLYWOOD – Guillermo del Toro announced his next film will be Splash 2.

Following The Shape of Water, Guillermo del Toro will pursue the life aquatic with a sequel to the 1984 comedy Splash. The original Ron Howard comedy starred Tom Hanks as a young man who falls in love with mermaid Daryl Hannah who is literally a fish out of water.

Guillermo came into the Studio Exec bungalow to discuss the movie:

I love the original Splash and I wanted to do something with it. I talked with both Daryl and Tom. They agreed that revisiting their roles would be an essential part of the new movie. As it happened, I had written a script when I was a film student in Mexico and with some modification we’ll use that.

What’s the story?

If you recall at the end of Splash, Allan – Tom’s character – dived into the water so that he’d live with Madison the mermaid for the rest of his life. We take up with them again. But now with the pollution and the plastic bags, the oceans are no longer a healthy place to be. Allan is actually fading, he’s got cancer.

Oh no.

So they swim up the river and once more take to land. They cross America, stopping at motels and lakes. They’re pursued by mad scientists and an oil company baron who wants to use Madison as a logo for his company. It’s a sad tale about mortality and old age. It’s also about the road not taken as Allan rediscovers a reality that he has never known because of his time in the water.

Wow.

Yeah, I know. It’s like On Golden Pond meets Midnight Run.

It sounds great.

Yeah, Tom and Daryl and I are really excited. Ultimately, it’s an opportunity to look at the America through the eyes of people who have been missing from the 80s. There’s humor and adventure and all that, as well.

Splash 2 is set for 2019.

LAST JEDI WILL BE THE LAST STAR WARS MOVIE

HOLLYWOOD – Disney announced today that Star Wars Episode 8: The Last Jedi will be the last Star Wars movie.

The Last Jedi is to close the Star Wars saga, it was revealed today. All the other proposed Star Wars movies have been canceled.

Kathleen Kennedy, the producer in charge of the franchise, spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec about the decision:

We just decided we were bored of doing them. At first we were all very excited but then after a while it was like Star Wars, Star Wars, Star Wars! Jeez enough already. I mean we’re a bunch of grown ups in a room talking about if Ziphius Fey is going to have to go to Booglyon 8 to get the weeBa Krystals.

Wow! They go to Booglyon 8!

And then it wouldn’t be so bad, but we’re talking about a film every year. Maybe even more.

But what about the films that are already in production, or have even completed post-production like the Han Solo stand alone?

The Han Solo movie is a mess. Half of it is Lego and the rest of it is Far and Away. Tom Cruise turns up speaking in an Oirish accent – ‘What are all ye leetle fellows doin’, made of bricks an all?’ – It’s an embarrassment.

So that’s it. No more Star Wars.

Yep. It was fun. But this way think of the next original idea that will come along and finally have some space to breathe.

Star Wars Episode 8 The Last Jedi will be released in December.

HENRY WINKLER REPLACES ALDEN EHRENREICH AS HAN SOLO

HOLLYWOOD – Ron Howard’s new Han Solo movie got its first shot today and revealed a new star.

Speculation was rife today about how Ron Howard would change the direction of the stand alone Star Wars movie: Han Solo. Well, following the release of the first image, it looks as if his take is going to be radically different from the rest of the franchise. A digitally de-aged Henry Winkler takes over from Alden Ehrenreich in the starring role. Ron Howard spoke to the Studio Exec about the new film:

Set on the planet of Milwaukee, a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, our film starts with the Cunninghams, a race of sedate play it safe aliens who rent out their attic to Han Solo, a young pilot, smuggler and all round cool guy, but things begin to go wrong. First of all the Cunninghams said no pets, but Solo has brought Chewbacca. Then Potzie and Ralph need advice about meeting girls and Han tells them… but wait, I’m spoiling it for you. The important thing is it is all very exciting and it ends well when Solo enters a waterskiing competition, but there’s a shark swimming nearby. I won’t say anymore.

Fans said unanimously:

It doesn’t matter if it’s a curl of poop with a flag saying Star Wars perched on a cocktail stick, we’d still go and see it.

When asked to comment Henry Winkler, said:

Sit on it!

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

RON HOWARD PROMISES TO DE-LEGO HAN SOLO

HOLLYWOOD – Happy Days actor and Rush director Ron Howard has promised that his Han Solo won’t feature Lego.

Ron Howard has been called in to replace Philip Lord and Chris Miller and has promised that he will reverse the Lego-like direction the new Star Wars film was going in. Kathleen Kennedy spoke to the Studio Exec:

The thing we all love about Ron is that there’s no Lego in any of his movies. Far and Away: no Lego. Rush: No Lego. Cinderella Man: no Lego. Apollo 13: no Lego. I could go on.

Please don’t.

Splash and A Beautiful Mind and The DaVinci Code: No L… wait I think there might have been some Lego in The DaVinci Code. But that was very much the anomaly.

Apart from the no Lego thing what does Ron bring to the table for Star Wars?

Well, he’s available. He has no discernible style to get in the way of the franchise. We’re kind of sick of all this ‘respect my vision’ bullshit. This is a Han Solo movie. The vision is: do you want to see a Han Solo movie? Yes. Okay open your eyes. There it is. What do you mean where’s the Lego? Get out of my house.

Han Solo will be released in 2018.

DANIEL DAY-LEWIS TO PLAY SHIA LABEOUF

HOLLYWOOD – Daniel Day-Lewis’ final film will be a biopic of Shia LaBeouf, currently titled Shia.

Following his decision to retire, Daniel Day-Lewis has assured his fans there is one last film. The actor will complete a biopic of fellow actor Shia LaBeouf.

“Shia LaBeouf is without doubt the actor of our generation,” says Ron Howard, former Happy Days actor and the director of the forthcoming film. “And who better to play him than the second best.”

The Dayster (as he’s known in Thespian circles) has become legendary for the extent of his preparation. When he starred in My Left Foot as paraplegic author Christy Brown, the There Will Be Blood star spent the whole shoot in a wheel chair, writing novels and refusing to answer to the name ‘the Dayster’. Likewise to prepare for his role as Hawkeye in Last of the Mohicans, Day Lewis spent three months underneath a waterfall shouting hoarsely at Madeline Stowe. This role might prove however to be his toughest challenge yet.

Already the physical transformation has begun to take place, and the first shot of him (right) as the Disturbia and Transformers star shows an utterly transformed and strangely younger looking man.

“A shave and a haircut and we’ll be there,” quips an ebullient Howard.

When asked for a comment, the normally reluctant In the Name of the Father actor was quietly forthcoming. “I’ve studied Shia for years,” says Day-Lewis, his eyes fixed on the ground. “This is the man who rescued the Indiana Jones franchise you must remember. So when Ron called and said he had a challenge for me, I knew he wasn’t kidding.”

Daniel Day-Lewis Preparations in Full:

For My Beautiful Laundrette DDL bought a laundrette. “It was pretty, sure but it wasn’t beautiful,” said a disgruntled Stephen Frears. It was a lesson in perfectionism from the director of Tamara Drewe.

Preparing to play Daniel Plainview, in There Will Be Blood DDL changed his first name to match his character.

For Lincoln, Steven Spielberg described how the actor prepared for the famous assassination scene, by being shot in the back of the head every morning for two weeks. “Something to do with muscle memory,” the 1941 director remarked wonderingly.

To prepare for Nine, the chameleon actor “did nothing at all.”

While shooting Gangs of New York, Scorsese noted how “Daniel would use every opportunity to talk to Cameron. It was touching really. He sat and studied her and learned from her. I think he was a better actor for it.”

Shia will be released in 2018.

DAN BROWN WAS INVENTED BY THE ROSCICRUCIANS

HOLLYWOOD – Reports claim novelist and author of The Da Vinci Code and Inferno Dan Brown does not actually exist.

Dan Brown is an invention of the Rosicrucians. The novelist, whose books have been turned into the increasingly unsuccessful film series with Tom Hanks, was created sometime in the Middle Ages.

Brown scholar, Abel Fisting told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

I first studied Dan Brown at Brown University, which few people realize is actually named after Dan Brown. The Papacy had sunk into a series of scandals in the Middle Ages. There were even rival popes at one point and the general status of the church was at an all time low. The Rosicrucians needed someone to be interested in a church-wide conspiracy that didn’t involve pedophilia and so they invented Dan Brown. He has been around for over seven hundred years, give or take. First he was involved in the Mary Celeste, then the Jack the Ripper murders as well as accidentally sinking the Titanic as ‘a lark’.

And more recently?

He has been publishing these novels which talk about some sort of secret world behind the world. However, the fact is the real conspiracy is the idea that anyone really wants these movies to be made. It only makes sense if you realize that both Tom Hanks and Ron Howard are Rosicrucians.

Really?

I don’t know, they might be.

Inferno is out now.

MOVIE INDUSTRY TRUSTS FUTURE TO MAN WHO DESTROYED MUSIC INDUSTRY

HOLLYWOOD – The movie industry has called on the man who destroyed the music industry to help them ensure the future of the movie industry.

Sean Parker, the man behind Napster, Spotify and the boom in music file sharing and the collapse of the music industry, has now decided to turn his attention to the movies, with his new concept of Screening Room in which people would be able to rent a movie on the day of its cinematic release for $48. Steven Spielberg, Peter Jackson and Ron Howard have already come out in support of the planned widening of distribution methods stating clearly that ‘we don’t like going to the cinema anymore’.

Peter Jackson told the Studio Exec:

Think about it. We go to the cinema and there are queues, it’s smelly and the seats are uncomfortable. This way for the mere price of $48 you can watch the same film on the day of release. $48! The price of a small glass of milk. Actually, I’ll need to fact check that. I haven’t bought milk since the 1970s. I don’t like it.

However, some in the industry are not so enthusiastic, including Christopher Nolan and Quentin Tarantino who believes that films should only be shown via magic lantern shows.

I want to recapture the true beauty of when I used to go to the cinema some time at the turn of the century.

What do you think of Screening Room? Use the comment box below. Actually I don’t really care. But you know… feel free.

MOBY DICK FILM ABOUT MOBY DICK NOT MOBY DICK

HOLLYWOOD – Ron Howard’s new Moby Dick film based on the true events that inspired Moby Dick isn’t called Moby Dick.

In the Heart of the Sea, Ron Howard’s new Moby Dick movie, isn’t based on the Herman Melville novel Moby Dick (or The Whale), but instead is based on Nathaniel Philbrick’s non-fiction book In the Heart of the Sea, which revealed the true story on which Melville based his classic big American novel.

We spoke to Ron Howard on the USS Exec off the Nantucket Sound.

So Ron this is a film about Moby Dick?

Yes. And no.

How so?

We are looking at the true origin story of the novel if you like. Herman Melville is played by Ben Whishaw and he listen to a story told by Brendan Gleeson about a whale hunt he witnessed as a young man. So we follow the hunt and all the adventures which ensues. Chris Hemsworth is the harpooner and so on.

So the story is an origin story?

Yes. But not of Moby Dick the whale. It’s an origin story of the novel Moby Dick.

Couldn’t you just do a film of Moby Dick?

We thought about that but there have been several. And plus the actual book Moby Dick isn’t actually that good. Everyone knows the story and so there are a lot of problems. I mean the book would be full of spoilers for instance.

I see.

Good. So when we looked at the real story of what happened, what amazed me was how much better I could do a job of telling the story of what happened than Herman Melville. And so that’s what I decided to do. Also these days, calling a film Moby Dick, you’re basically asking them to make a porn parody of it.

In the Heart of the Sea is in cinemas.

‘CHRIS HEMSWORTH SMELLS OF BASKETS’, SAYS RON HOWARD

HOLLYWOOD – Shocking news just in today that Thor the God of Thunder and James Hunt the star of Rush, Chris Hemsworth smells of baskets. And not good ones.

Chris Hemsworth is the elder member of a family of beefcake, that also includes Lawrence bait, Liam Hemsworth, who are currently plying their trade in the motion picture industry. Young Hemsworth has made something of a name for himself with performances as Thor in Thor and racing car driver James Rush in Rush as well as the eponymous Hat in the Michael Mann film no one went to see Black Hat. But today it was revealed to the world via an anonymous source that the hunky star with the ability to play it for laughs has a very distinct odor.

Ron Howard dropped by the Studio Exec bungalow to lay the lowdown on us wearing a heavy disguise as an old Richie Cunningham.

He smells of baskets. And not good fresh baskets either. Flower baskets, or baskets full of toys. No. The kind of baskets that have been used to catch crabs for generations and then have been left in the corner of the dockyard warehouse for like three years, until they’re covered in a strange black algae.

Urgh!

Exactly. And on the set everyone is going ‘Phew! Who cut the cheese?’ But then someone else, I think it was Cillian Murphy, said, ‘It doesn’t smell like cheese, or farts. It smells like baskets.’

How was it directing him In The Heart of the Sea?

I don’t know what you are talking about. I’m not Ron Howard. Ron Howard is the director of In the Heart of The Sea. I’m not he.

By the way you’re making a film about events that inspired Moby Dick.

Yes. That’s to say, Ron Howard is.

Why not just make a version of Moby Dick?

Chris Hemsworth smells of baskets, baskets, baskets.

In the Heart of the Sea will be in cinemas next month.

DANIEL DAY-LEWIS CONFIRMS SHIA: THE MOVIE

HOLLYWOOD – Lincoln star, Daniel Day-Lewis is in the midst of intensive preparation for his next role, playing the actor Shia LaBeouf in David Lynch’s long-awaited epic bio-pic Shia.

The star of Last of the Mohicans, In the Name of the Father and My Left Foot, Daniel Day-Lewis spoke to the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY about the project:

I have been entering the character backwards. Slowly I’ve been forgetting how to act, I’ve denuded myself of charisma, I am becoming a blank canvas.

On which to paint your character?

No just a blank canvas. That’ll probably be it.

The film began initially as a dream project of Martin Scorsese but he got cold feet around the time that Transformers 4: The Age of Extinction came out.

‘How can I compete with that?’ he was heard to shriek as he ran from the theatre.

Ron Howard then came aboard and that was when Day-Lewis also found himself interested in the role (for more on that story CLICK HERE ).

Howard himself was to back out, awed by the enormity of the task and now the project’s current director David Lynch is ready to begin shooting. For Lynch – whose fame today resides mainly on the rumor he once ate a squirrel – Shia will be his final film.

David Lynch said:

At first I was very nervous. I’ve played great Americans before. Abraham Lincoln, Bill the Butcher, Daniel Plainview. But could I bring myself to play the greatest American currently alive, after Adam Sandler? I don’t know. But I’m going to try. What I say quite seriously in my quiet little voice is that after Shia what else will I have to say? What else will anyone have to say?

Shia LaBeouf is currently not acting in a Broadway play because it was ‘difficult’.

Shia will be released in 2016.