BLURRED LINES TO BECOME NATIONAL ANTHEM UNDER DONALD TRUMP

WASHINGTON – It has been announced that the Robin Thicke song ‘Blurred Lines’ will replace the Star-Spangled Banner as the national anthem should Donald Trump win the election.

The Star Spangled Banner has served as the National Anthem since 1931, though the song itself was popular from the early 19th Century. Donald Trump speaking in North Carolina confirmed that the song wouldbe replaced by Robin Thicke’s Blurred Lines, as ‘more fitting to the tone of my presidency’:

Have you heard Robin Thicke’s song? Very beautiful. It’s a beautiful song. “I know you want it (uh huh) But you’re a good girl! The way you grab me, Must wanna get nasty, Go ahead, get at me!” I have no time for political correctness. This is not politically correct. You know what I say? So what? Who wants to sing about a flag? Who cares? Am I right?

Donald Trump will win the election on November 8.

NEW HANNAH MONTANA MOVIE, MILEY CYRUS CONFIRMS

HOLLYWOOD – Rumors of her death have been much exaggerated, as Miley Cyrus revealed that she is to resurrect the character who made her famous – pop alter ego Hannah Montana – in a new film for Disney: Wrecking Ball.

Miley Cyrus dropped in to the Studio Exec bungalow to talk exclusively about her relationship to Hannah Montana and the new movie, the poster for which was revealed today:

I guess I was really mad at Hannah Montana for a long time. She was the pop princess and Miley was just me, the ordinary girl trying to live an ordinary life away from the fame and the super stardom. So when it came time to express my own voice and sexuality I wanted to bury Hannah as deep as I could. Have done with her and all the shenanigans once and for all.

So what changed?

Well, a few months ago, I just began to feel like I missed Hannah. There are only so many middle aged men you can twerk with and only so many huge inflatable phallic hotdogs you can bronco ride on before you begin to find it hard to look at yourself in the mirror. I kind of missed that innocence I had with Hannah and I wanted it back.

So what’s the story of the new film?

Of course as the novelist Thomas Wolfe once said, you can never go home again. So it wasn’t as if we were just going to make another Hannah Montana: the Movie. I’ve changed, my audience has changed and so it’s only right that Hannah has changed as well. Wrecking Ball will see Hannah flipped around. Now Miley Cyrus/Stewart is the famous one. The girl who has given herself over to self-exploitation, over-exposure and a weird coquetry and sex inspired madness which almost destroys the very concept of sexiness itself.

My thoughts precisely.

She decides to take a break and escape some Yakuza as well, who have been hard on her trail. Lilly (Emily Osment) and Jackson (Jason Earles) and my pop help her by creating a Hannah Montana tribute act, and that’s my new alter ego. I basically going around pretending to be a look-alike Hannah Montana and at the same time ween myself away from the world of excess to whence I have been precipitated by my massive success. As part of my disguise I also get an ordinary gal job on a construction site – a bit like Jennifer Beales being a welder in Flashdance – and here I have to face day-to-day problems of sexism and I grow as a person.

Ah so you literally operate…

A wrecking ball yes. And we do the number in a very literal way.

Hannah Montana: Wrecking Ball will be released in 2016.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

ROBIN THICKE PRODUCES EMILY DICKINSON TRIBUTE ALBUM

 

AMHERST, MASS. – Robin Thicke has been in the thick of it with his Blurry Lines hit song and controversial nudity rich video, but now he’s turning his attention to the woman who has inspired him most in life: Emily Dickinson.

“I’ve liked her poems since I first read them at school, mainly I suppose because they’re short,” said the singer-songwriter. 

His new album – which adapts Dickinson’s lyrics to R’n’B rhythms – is described by the publicity material as an attempt to show Thicke’s more sensitive female friendly side. Emily Needs Dicks, Son features eleven tracks including ‘Because I Could Not Stop for Dick’, ‘There is Another Sky (Up the Ass)’, ‘Dick, We Will Forget Her’ and ‘Nobody Knows This Little Rose (Until the Gangbang Mix)’.

Feminist groups and Dickinson experts have reacted with predictable horror at the news, but Thicke is confident he can win them over: 

That Blurry Lines stuff, I’ll admit was a bit raw. But this stuff is gonna be sophisticated. You see in the videos we’re gonna have Megan Fox playing Emily Dickinson. And she’ll be my muse, like, who I’ll worship and go to for inspiration. And I’ll be fully clothed and she’ll be totally nude, except for when we’re pelting her with dung and such (ironically).

Robin Thicke’s new album Emily Needs Dicks, Son will be released in 2016. 

PHARRELL WILLIAMS SUED BY MOUNTIES

HOLLYWOOD – In an escalation of his legal woes, Pharrell Williams is being sued by the Royal Canadian Mounted Police – or Mounties as they are popularly known – who claim that the singer’s famous head wear  constitutes a brand violation.

The Happy singer recently lost a legal battle with the Marvin Gaye estate concerning Blurred Lines, a song he co-wrote with Robin Thicke (and Marvin Gaye as it now appears). In this latest case the RCMP issued a cease and desist writ followed by an actual subpoena for the singer to appear in court and answer charges of copyright infringement.

Captain O’Leary told the Studio Exec:

Here at the RCMP we take our image very seriously. We’re not just a working police force, we’re a symbol of the country which is recognizable the world over. We are Canada! The way the tit shaped hat of the English ‘Bobby’ is England. The Mounties have worn that particular style of hat for a hundred years. Now this singer comes prancing around singing about living in some kind of roofless house and it just ain’t right. It brings the uniform and our brand into disrepute.

Although some have criticized the legal case as frivolous it is only one in a growing number of suits which have been targeted at the singer. Serena and Venus Williams are suing him for his use of their surname; wild animals are suing him because feral sounds a bit like Pharrell and the country of Iceland is suing him because despite the song Happy being a hit in that country –  as it was internationally – they are still not happy in what lawyers are calling ‘an obvious breach of contract’.

Pharrell Williams will go to jail for a very long time in 2016.

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT ROBIN THICKE

HOLLYWOOD – Following his hit Blurred Lines, the man Rolling Stone called ‘The New Huey Lewis and the News’ Robin Thicke has had wonderful publicity recently thanks to a VH1 sponsored ‘ask me anything’ event, but what do we really know (and when I say know, know means know) about him?

We sent the Studio Exec FACT SQUAD to find out.

1. Robin Thicke’s wife, Paula Patton, left him.

2. Robin Thicke’s most famous song is ‘Blurred Lines’ which is not about rape, specifically. Rather the song is about the way, when you get to a certain age, newspaper print begins to be difficult to make out, and reading the crickets scores (without your reading glasses) – ‘you know you want it’ – can actually look like ‘blurred lines’ rather than text. 

3. Robin Thicke has written many songs for other artists, including Christine Aguilera, The Muppets and Bros, and says his one ambition is to write a song as good as ‘Sweet Cherry Pie’.

 4. Greatly influenced by Marvin Gaye, Robin Thicke frequently holds vigils at the Forest Lawn Cemetery where Gaye is buried where Thicke and friend Pharrell listen to the mysterious sound of revolving that comes from below.  

5. In many parts of Switzerland, Robin Thicke is worshiped as a minor deity.

For more FACTS click here.

ROBIN THICKE PRODUCES THE ACCUSED MUSICAL

HOLLYWOOD – Musician and Emily Dickinson scholar Robin Thicke is to write and perform a Broadway musical based on the 1988 Jodie Foster and Kelly McGillis drama The Accused

Mr. Thicke commented:

Rape has given me so much over the last year or so, I thought it was time I gave something back.  

The original film earned Jodie Foster an Oscar as lead actress and was widely seen as a sensitive exploration of a sensitive topic rarely dealt with by Hollywood. However, the proposed musical has met with vehement opposition from women’s groups. The militant Women Against Thicke group have threatened picket lines and demonstrations. A WAT spokesperson said:

Robin Thicke is a moron and the last person who should be handling this story, and the idea of a musical also treats with too much levity what is an extremely serious issue. Our sisters in the band Pussy Riot have written a song called ‘F*cking Thicke’ which protests his commercialisation of sexual violence. 

However, Thicke counters that:

Those hairy faced feminists are stuck in the 1970s. I’ve single handedly brought Rape into the mainstream. I mean, the whole point of the story is does Sarah get raped really, or are there Blurred Lines?

But isn’t the point that she is brutally raped and there aren’t any ‘blurred lines’?

But then how am I going to get the song in?

The Accused: The Musical will debut in the Fall of 2014. 

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT MILEY CYRUS

HOLLYWOOD – The Studio Exec FACT machine turns its attention to Miley Cyrus, star of the VMA awards, twerker extraordinaire and the Wrecking Ball herself smashing the musical establishment to ‘sexy’ smithereens!

1. Miley Cyrus and Hannah Montana are in fact the same person! Although she tried to keep the identities separate for years – with the help of her friends Lily and Oliver – the double life finally became insupportable and her secret was revealed to the world with tragic consequences. 

2. Although only relatively young, the pop star and actress has already had a biopic made about her. The 2010 Duplass Brothers movie Cyrus, however, was a flop after the directors took the bizarre decision of casting Jonah Hill as the waif like singer!

3. It was a surprise that Miley Cyrus showed an inclination towards music as her father is Billy Ray Cyrus. However it was less of a surprise that she’s not very good at it. 

4. Angered by Miley Cyrus’ use of the word ‘literally’ to mean ‘figuratively’, Sinead O’Connor once got the Pope to tear up a picture of Miley Cyrus on Saturday Night Live, or something. 

5. Robin Thicke is actually Miley Cyrus’ grandfather. And what many people saw as OTT provocation was actually a very sophisticated j’accuse and a coded cry for help. Teddy Bears? Hmmmm?

For more FACTS on everything from this to that click HERE!