STEVE MARTIN IS LAUREL AND HARDY

HOLLYWOOD – Steve Martin has revealed that he is to play Laurel and Hardy in a new version of Way Out West to be directed by Robert Zemeckis.

‘We’ll use some CGI,’ said The Man with Two Brains, ‘But this will be largely live action, with me playing both roles.’

The beloved comedy duo were a sublime comedy double team so how will Cheaper by the Dozen Martin face the challenge of playing not one part but both?

Steve Martin told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

When I was acting in The Jerk I sat down and I wrote a list of comedy heroes, but I wanted to overcome and defeat. To eat up whole if you like. Phil Silvers as Sgt. Bilko, Spencer Tracy in Father of the Bride, Peter Sellers as Inspector Clousseau. I think – without wanting to appear hubristic – that I’ve managed to achieve my ambition. When anyone thinks of those characters, they don’t think of Sellers, or Silvers, or Tracy, they immediately think of Steve Martin. That’s me. Steve Martin. The King of Comedy.

 Robert Zemeckis seems a trifle embarrassed, ‘The thing about rediscovering a classic is that…’

‘We should call it Stevel and Stevey!’ shouts Steve Martin. ‘I mean after the film, no one’s going to think of those bozos any more.’

Who next?

Well, it’s obvious isn’t it? After I finish with Laurel and Hardy, first I’m going to make a film called Abbot and Costello Meet Frankenstein and I’ll play Abbot and Costello and Frankenstein. Then it’s on to the Marx Brothers, where I’ll play all four and the harp.

‘Way Out West is due for a Xmas release 2019.

TOM HANKS RELEASES GUMP APP

HOLLYWOOD – Tom Hanks – star of Castaway, Saving Private Ryan and Philadelphia – is also an entrepreneur in the tech sector, developing and selling a brand new Gump App for both iPhone and Android Systems.

The beloved three time Oscar winner told Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

Jiminey Cricket but I’m excited. This App follows on from the old-fashioned typewriter app which was such a massive success for me. It’s based on the film I did with Robert Zemekis.

Polar Express?

Hell no! The one called Forrest Gump.

Can you tell us about the App?

Sure. What you do is you take any box of chocolates in the world, you pick a chocolate out of the box and then you hold it up to the camera in the phone, and the app identifies the chocolate immediately.

Wow!

Not only does it tell you if the chocolate is a caramel whirl or a strawberry truffle, it also tells you the ingredients, the country from which the chocolate came and how many people have picked it up and then put it back in the box again, for those who get finicky.

So life is…

…no longer like a box of chocolates. You will know what you’re going to get with GumpApp. God Darn it, you just thought up our advertising campaign!

The app – which is called GumpApp – is available from Google Play and the iStore. There is a free version as well as a Pro version which costs $1.49, and which takes away Sally Field’s annoying voice.

DENZEL WASHINGTON DESTROYS HOUSE VIA THE POWER OF PRAYER

MISSOURI – Fans of Oscar contender and film star Denzel Washington were celebrating today at the news that he had destroyed a house through the power of prayer.
The house – in Springfield, Missouri –  belonged to one Vincent Chambers a blogger who recently reviewed Mr. Washington’s new film Flight, and complained that the Robert Zemekis directed drama was ‘sanctimonious twaddle which lost its way in the third act’.
Apparently the Malcolm X star had taken exception to the review (published on the internet site StuffWhatWeThinkAboutStuff) and specifically Mr. Chambers’ comments about the film’s ‘overbearing religiosity’. Washington is a committed Christian, who has often spoken on its influence in guiding him in his career, telling him – for instance – to unnecessarily remake The Taking of Pelham 123. The actor let it be known that he was going to pray all day yesterday for God to smite Mr. Chambers and at 11.21 last night the critic’s residence was destroyed although fortunately he was catching a late viewing of Les Miserables.
Rev. Halibutt said that although his church would never condone the use of prayer for destructive purposes it did at least show that ‘Christianity shits on Scientology from a height when it comes to getting shit done.’

ZEMECKIS: POLAR EXPRESS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SCARY

Dead eyes

HOLLYWOOD – ‘We could have made it realistic, but I wanted the kids to be really terrified,’ said Robert Zemeckis, taking a break from a junket about his new film Flight to talk for a moment about Polar Express recently voted the scariest non-horror movie ever made. ‘I hate Christmas. It’s a poisonous time of commercial greed and my idea was Tom Hanks would be the Freddy Krueger of Christmas.’
The power of the film was shown recently when a cinema in North Carolina accidentally screened Polar Express instead of Paranormal Activity 4. The shocked patrons fled the cinema, pausing only to vomit or void themselves.
I put it to Zemeckis that the technology was not yet there to make convincing CGI movies using motion capture but he vigorously disagreed.
‘People talk about uncanny valley, but that’s bullshit,’ he said, chewing a corn dog. ‘The problem we had was we modelled the body movements on the actors, but for the faces and the eyes we modelled those off suicides who had been fished from the Hudson River. That was our mistake.’