ROBERT ZEMECKIS TAXIDERMIA REMAKE GREENLIT

HOLLYWOOD – A Robert Zemeckis Taxidermia remake has been greenlit by Dreamworks and Universal. The 2006 Hungarian surreal, multi-generational horror / comedy will receive a dramatic makeover. It will be shot in the style of The Polar Express, using motion capture and CGI animation. The Robert Zemeckis Taxidermia remake begins shooting this January.

Robert Zemeckis Taxidermia Remake To Star Guess Who? 

Tom Hanks will star as Brick Bateman, a shy and socially outcast Taxidermist, who looks after his severely obese and embittered father. The film will tell the story of three different generations of men from the Bateman bloodline.

Motion Captcha Coming Right Atcha

Zemeckis will return to using motion capture suits and fully realized CGI environments such as the ones used in his 2004 Christmas hit, The Polar Express. Andy Serkis will don the mo-cap suit to play Mick ‘Guzzler’ Bateman, Hanks’s father in the film. Javier Bardem completes the triumvirate of leading men. He plays Cleetus Bateman, Brick’s amorously challenged grandfather. The Exec caught up with Zemeckis to discuss this unusual choice of project.

Robert, What Made You Choose Taxidermia For Your Next Project?

I remember seeing it and thinking that it was a real sweet tale about love, sporting triumph and family values.

Are You Sure We’re Thinking Of The Same Film?

You betcha. What could be cuter than innocent love in a barn, overcoming adversity to reach the top of your sport and looking after your dear old Pappy?

Don’t You Think It’s A Film About The Darker Sides Of Lust, Greed And Our Own Self-Destructive Natures?

Nope. I think it’s a neat film about caring for animals even after they’ve died. That what Tom likes about it also. We’re going for the family market, so we toned the nudity down a little. But only a little. And by going full CGI, we can really draw the kids into the story. We’re hoping for another Christmas classic. Something the whole family can sit down in front of after a nice, big Thanksgiving or Christmas Dinner. Lovely stuff.

The Robert Zemickis Taxidermia Remake Begins Shooting This January

TOM HANKS EATS BABIES

HOLLYWOOD – Tom Hanks (allegedly) eats babies.

What was a rumor has been confirmed in a shocking interview. Tom Hanks eats babies. Hollywood antichrist, Tom Hanks eats babies according to a new interview given by the actor.

Tom Hanks v Jimmy Stewart Deathmatch

The recent revelations came hot on the trail of the latest Twitter-based shit storm. It was widely suggested Hanks is not as good as Jimmy Stewart (whatever the fuck that means). Twitter suddenly exploded with tweets suggesting they weren’t talking enough about Stewart being better than Hanks or that their ‘hot take’ was Tom Hanks has made some movies they didn’t like.

Hanks Admits He Eats Babies

In an interview he gave to radical left wing fake news libtard media website Mumsnet, Hanks admitted the atrocities. ‘Well Denise, that’s a tricky question. I guess I love lots of things in life, puppy dogs, kittens and snow at Christmas time, they are some of my very favorites. But the thing I love very most are babies. I just wanna eat them all up, ya know? Nom, nom, nom. Don’t you just love the way they smell? That new baby smell. I’m a gonna eat them all up.’ At this point it is not confirmed if Hanks was actually eating a baby during the interview.

Forrest Gump Baby Killer

The actor and suspected mass murderer has so far been sickeningly unrepentant since the story broke. ‘Why yes, I said that I love babies. Why? Stop screaming. I can’t understand you.’ boasted the extremely wicked, shockingly evil and vile Hanks.

Toy Story… OF DEATH

Religious extremist Hanks, who’s probably Jewish, Muslim or one of them crazy Indian ones, has been worming his way into our children’s consciousness for years by playing ‘loveable’ cowboy Woody in the Toy Story series of films. It is no coincidence that cowboys were responsible for the deaths of millions of Native Americans, which has led to the tired plot line for thousands of Stephen King books.

Hanks To Play Sex Fiend Gepetto

Hanks is due to next appear in Robert Zemeckis’s new version of Pinocchio, where he will play Gepetto, a man who makes sex toys for distribution on the dark web.

EMPIRE TO REASSESS ITS SWITCH LOCATION POLICY

WASHINGTON – Empire issues order to review all switch locations.

The Galactic Empire has announced that it is to review how it locates its switches at all major facilities, following a recent attack on the planet of Scarif. The Grand Moff Tarkin spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec via hologram:

It’s obvious that following the last incursion by the rebel scum that we are making it far too easy for them. The attack on Scarif was facilitated by what can only be described as a random distribution of important switches and control panels around the main base. Some of them were even outside armored bunkers. When surely inside would have been a better option. We’ve tried putting some vital controls on the end of gantries high above the ground, hoping that any rebel might get dizzy but to be honest they seem to enjoy the challenge. Still, I’m confident we’ll overcome them.

On another note, how do you feel about your CGI enhancements?

It’s becoming quite a club, isn’t it? Tron’s Jeff Bridges, the young Arnold Terminator, the dead-eyed children of Polar Express, we’ve all been Zemeckised! I can’t say I’m over the moon. But that isn’t a moon anyway. It’s a space station.

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story out now.

 

ROMANCING THE STONE TO GET A SEQUEL

HOLLYWOOD – Much loved eighties action adventure Romancing the Stone is to get a sequel, it was revealed today.

Kathleen Turner and Michael Douglas are set to return in a long-awaited Romancing the Stone sequel. Turner will return as novelist Joan Wilder who will continue her adventures with hard-boiled tough guy Jack T. Colton (Douglas). The mad cap caper is set in north Africa and will also feature Danny DeVito in the role of Ralph, Jack’s untrustworthy sidekick. Director Robert Zemeckis spoke with the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY about the project:

Ever since we did Romancing the Stone we have wanted to go back and revisit these much loved characters. there was even talk about doing a sequel right after the first one, but I don’t remember what happened to that idea. This one will be really fast though. We have the script and the actors. We’re not getting any younger and so it’s time.

The Jewel of the Nile will be released in 1985.

BACK TO THE FUTURE DAY IS A GLITCH IN THE MATRIX

HOLLYWOOD –  Scientists have revealed that Back to the Future Day represent a serious glitch in the Matrix and might bring the virtual reality universe in which we unwittingly live crashing down around our ears.

Speaking EXCLUSIVELY with the Studio Exec, Neil deGrasse Tyson has warned that October 21st 2015 in matching the date to which Marty McFly and Doc Brown travel at the end of Back to the Future – the so called Back to the Future Day – represents a major paradox in the space time film reality continuum.

‘It’s like Inception, but times like a squillion,’ said the noted astrophysicist.

The only solution that I can think of is to hand over all our most essential computing tasks to SkyNet, a system of coordinated AI servers that I invented with the help of the HAL 2000. Aside from his amazing computing skills and innovative imagination, Hal also has a screen writing credit on Terminator Genisys and plays a great game of squash.

But why does Back to the Future Day represent such a threat?

The thing is when the fictive universe created in film coincides with our own universe, which we like to call ‘real’ but which is in fact only another fiction, then this creates a paradox. Imagine we crossed the beams in Ghostbusters, or like in 12 Monkeys, Madeline Stowe was actually here right now doing things and Bruce Willis was a moderately good actor! Hard to handle, right? Once such a paradox occurs who knows what will happen. My personal guess is that it’ll be like watching Looper on a loop, or dreaming about Inception. People begin designing hover boards and professing a love of Huey Lewis and the News. Once that happens, I’m afraid it is game over.

But won’t SkyNet seek to take over the world and destroy all human resistance?

Well, yes, but you have to ask yourself: is that such a bad thing?

Happy Back to the Future Day from the Studio Exec.

MY FAVORITE FILM: HILLARY CLINTON

WASHINGTON – Hello, my name is Hillary Clinton and the Studio Exec, a very close friend of my husband, has asked my if I will choose my favorite film and write about.

I suppose the first thing I have to say is that it is not Black Hawk Down; and it isn’t You’ve Got Mail. So let’s nip that rumor in the bud right away. No, my favorite film has to be Back to the Future. I just think the film is charming. Marty McFly, played by the wonderful Michael J. Fox, is just an average school kid who loves skateboarding, playing his guitar and listening to top youth music band Huey Lewis and the News. However, when he is sent back in time by Doc Brown, played by Christopher Lloyd who I already loved from Taxi, he inadvertently prevents his mother and father from meeting. Somehow he must arrange their first kiss otherwise he will cease to exist.

Back to the Future is undoubtedly the finest time travel movie ever made. I think what I love about it is that it shows that you can escape the past and you don’t have to be beholden to mistakes you might have made a long time ago. There is something exhilarating in seeing George McFly, Marty’s father, becoming a different person under his son’s tutelage. What if the fifties could learn from the eighties? the film seems to ask. In my own situation, sure there are mistakes I wish I could rectify that would change who I am today, but at the same time I am who I am because of the road that brought me here.

It’s also interesting to see how prescient the film is. Middle Eastern terrorists are a risk, but so is the local bully Biff. Technology is amazing with flying cars predicted as well and here we are and we almost have them. So the lesson seems to be you can go back in time, tinker a little bit and in that way fix the present. And I am the candidate who best represents that idea.

For more Favorite Films, Click HERE.

BACK TO THE FUTURE TRILOGY WILL FEATURE NO NEW FOOTAGE

HOLLYWOOD – The re-release of the Back to the Future trilogy will feature no new footage, sources revealed today.

Robert Zemeckis’ Back to the Future trilogy, which comprises Back to the Future, Back to the Future 2 and Back to the Future 3, will feature no new footage, despite the fact it is being released in cinemas and people who go and see it already of the blu-rays of the exact same films at home. Still starring Michael J. Fox in the iconic role of Marty McFly, the films will also retain the services of Christopher Lloyd who plays Dr. Emmett “Doc” Brown. Initially release thirty years ago, they will be re-released on October  21, 2015, the date which was punched into the time machine/Delorean and sent McFly into the future for the second film.

Zemeckis wheeled into the Studio Exec bungalow at precisely 8.45 pm:

It’s going to be great to see it on the big screen again. The quality is if anything better than the original release and we’re all very excited.

But are we going to have some new footage?

No, we didn’t want to go that route. Look George is a great pal of mine but I just think Back to the Future is a different creature and it’s like clockwork the way it all works. I just wouldn’t want to ruin that.

Yeah but just one scene with Jabba. At least that.

No, absolutely not. It wouldn’t make sense.

What about some sort of extra CGI stuff in the background?

I think the charm of these films is the fact they’re so much of their time. I mean, even our predictions are great. Some of them actually worked out. But we still don’t have flying cars.

So it’s basically the same three films with no additions or scenes. Gredo shoots first in this one?

No, there’s no Gredo. No guns become flashlights. No extra scenes, no added CGI.

But you must have changed Huey Lewis and the News.

No.

But I HATE Huey Lewis and the News. 

Back to the Future will be released in October, 2015.

SIR EDWIN FLUFFER REMEMBERS ROBERT ZEMECKIS

HOLLYWOOD – Sir Edwin Fluffer recalls his encounter with Robert Zemeckis and the birth of an American masterpiece.

Being an old hand at all this Hollywood lark I feel almost duty bound to lend the benefit of my experience to the younger generations as they make way their way up through the ranks. Some are kind enough to listen, others just look at me the way Lassie used to look at Jayne Russell, before slowly shaking their heads and turning away. But without my help, and passion for gardening, one of the most successful franchises in this business we still lovingly call show may have never come to pass.

A few years ago I suddenly got a call from a talented young director called Robert Zemeckis. He’d just had a hit with a picture called Romancing The Stone starring Kirk Douglas’s little boy, Michael. Bobby, as I instantly came to know and love him, wanted to talk to me about his next project. It was to be a comedy about time travel. I invited him over for a chat and one of my ex-wives served us drinks in the garden while the smoke from Paul Newman’s barbecue wafted over the fence. The smell was truly awful so we went for a wander ‘round the grounds and I showed Bobby some of my favourite plants, including a fuchsia that Claude Rains left me in his will. We spent an absolute age walking up and down the long borders trying to think of a suitable name for this film of his. Eventually I looked up and noticed we’d returned to the exact same spot we left all those hours earlier, but we were still no nearer a title.
‘Well,’ I said ‘here we are. Back to the fuchsia.’
And the rest as we so often say in Hollywood, is history…
Bobby was kind enough to show his gratitude by offering me the role of Dr Emmett Brown, but an in-growing toenail and some tax problems that forced me to leave for Switzerland under an assumed name meant I had to politely say no. I could tell he was disappointed and I promised to make it up to him by telling him about the time Marlene Dietrich asked me to put up some shelves in her new bungalow. 
But that’s another story…

FIRST LOOK AT MATT DAMON IN CASTAWAY 2

HOLLYWOOD – Matt Damon takes over from Tom Hanks in his new film Castaway 2: Trip to Mars.

It has been a tough year for Matt Damon. First of all his parents announce they are getting divorced and then he is cruelly snubbed from the new Batman v. Superman movie. However, things are turning for the better in casa Damon as his new film, a sequel to the 90s classic Castaway, looks dead cert to be a massive commercial and critical success.

The synopsis for Castaway 2: Trip to Mars reads:

During a manned mission to Mars, Astronaut Mark Watney is presumed dead after a fierce storm and left behind by his crew. But Watney has survived and finds himself stranded and alone on the hostile planet. With only meager supplies and his loyal friend Wilson, he must draw upon his ingenuity, wit and spirit to subsist and find a way to signal to Earth that he is alive. This is a beautiful sequel and companion piece to the heartwarming Tom Hanks film Castaway: a postmodern Robinson Crusoe – in SPACE.

 Ridley Scott has taken over directing duties from Robert Zemeckis and Andrew Weir has written the novelization.

Castaway 2: Trip to Mars will be released in October 2015.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.