DAVID SCHWIMMER ADMITS TO BEING THE ROBERT KARDASHIAN HOLOGRAM

HOLLYWOOD – David Schwimmer pleads for freedom after admitting to Robert Kardashian hologram role.

David Schwimmer announced today that he was the Robert Kardashian hologram. He told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

Kanye West phoned me and asked me would I like to do a thing for Kim’s birthday. I said I’d love to expecting that we might be doing a Friends skit or something. I know Kim loves the show. But he wanted me to reprise my role as Robert Kardashian, which I had played to universal praise in the OJ Simpson movie. As soon as he said that I said no.

Why?

I don’t want to get typecast. Something I learned coming off of Friends. People will always see you as Ross if you don’t diversify and that’s what led me to do a whole slew of different roles.  Now people see my name and if someone mentions Friends, they’re like: oh yeah David was in Friends, I forgot.

david schwimmer robert kardashian hologram

So what happened next?

I was walking in the park and I fell over. A tranquiliser dart had hit me. They bundled me in a van and drove to a helipad. In an unknown location they shaved my body hair and scanned me from nut sack to toupe.  It was humiliating. Then they shoved me and a poor fitting suit and forced me to learn this script all about farting. It felt bizarre, but Kanye kept saying that when he’s President he’s gonna do this to me and that to me. He’s very intimidating in real life. Not the cuddly guy you see on TV.

And how did it end?

I did the most convincing performance of my career. Better even than Ross in Friends.

You were in Friends?

You see!?

David Schwimmer will be directing a musical version of The Serbian Film for Broadway in 2021.

DAVID SCHWIMMER TO STAR IN AMERICAN CRIME STORY SPIN OFF

HOLLYWOOD – Following the ongoing success of American Crime Story: The People v OJ Simpson, former Friends star David Schwimmer looks set to star in a spin off series that he will write and produce.

It’s no secret that David Schwimmer has struggled to find his feet following his initial success as Ross from popular sit-com Friends. However, it looks like his career has taken an upspike with the popularity of his role in American Crime Story: The People v OJ Simpson and he is keen to capitalize on the success with a spin off series that would feature the further adventures of his character Robert Kardashian. David popped into the Studio Exec villa to lay down his plans:

It’s no secret that I’ve become very close to this character. I see Robert as essentially a very decent man in a terrible situation. All his decency is turned in the wrong direction. He is an amazing friend, incredibly loyal, but that loyalty blinds him to what is going on right in front of his face.

What will the new show be about?

I found that after I read the last script and we filmed the last episode that I wasn’t really sure we had told the whole of Robert’s story. I wanted to know more about him and about his family. This is a man who goes back to the law in the highest profile legal case this country has ever seen and then he really has this fame that he had no wish for. I want to explore how he continues to live in Los Angeles and his relationship to his family especially. There was a scene in a restaurant where he turns to his daughter, I think she’s called Kim but I’ll have to look it up, and he tells them that fame is a hollow thing. I wanted to see how Robert and the Kardashians deal with that and recover from it. How they learn to sink back into their former obscurity, chastened and wiser surely. Every week he will take on a different case but we’ll also see his home life. I see it as a mix of something like Perry Mason and The Waltons.

And you are writing and directing?

Yes I am. No, wait writing and producing. Direction will be someone else. I don’t want to direct myself. It’s too distracting.

I see. And the title?

There are a few floating about but my favorite is The Kardashians.

American Crime Story: The Kardashians will be broadcast in the Fall.