SHIA LABEOUF WINS SHIA LABEOUF MARATHON

NEW YORK – Today Shia LaBeouf came first in the inaugural Shia LaBeouf movie marathon, winning the gold medal in a varied field.

Shia LaBeouf watched all his films back to back at the Angelika Film Center in New York, with a live stream of his reactions being broadcast on the internet. The event entitled #ALLMYMOVIES featured all twenty nine of his films being shown back-to-back in reverse chronological order. A camera on the back of his seat has captured all of his reactions and him sleeping through some of them.

Robert De Niro was one of many celebrities who turned up to cheer the young actor along the road of his entire ouvre. He spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec at the awards ceremony:

I think it’s entirely appropriate that Shia won the gold medal. This is a race he’s been training for his whole life and he had to be the favorite even though I know Paul Giamatti and Aaron Paul were also in the field.

Paul Giamatti was actually a surprise inclusion in the field though rumor has it he was training in Estonia for five months. He came in second with Martin Freeman beating Aaron Paul to the bronze medal. The Hobbit star said that he was delighted with the result but would be hoping to beat Shia LaBeouf next year.

I was way ahead of him but Nymphomaniac Volume 2 really screwed me.

Image courtesy of @thePixelFactor

Shia LaBeouf will be appearing at a shopping mall near you throughout the Holiday Season.

ROBERT DE NIRO JOINS SHIA LABEOUF FOR #ALLMYMOVIES

NEW YORK – At the Angelika theatre in New York, Shia LaBeouf has been joined by Robert de Niro to watch the rest of Shia LaBeouf’s movies back to back in a marathon.

Robert de Niro showed up at the Angelika theater today in New York today to join Shia LaBeouf in his marathon of Shia LaBeouf movies the #AllMyMovies event.

Mr. De Niro spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec about his participation in what is being billed as either the most interesting art project of the century or alternatively the moment the new millennium disappeared up its own asshole:

 Shia LaBeouf is the most interesting actor of his generation and I am not going to just be a part of the project, I also want to actually see his Transformers trilogy again.

What fascinates you about Shia?

In a word his range. He has such an incredible range. Look at Bobby and then look at what he does in Fury. Or look at Disturbia and compare it to his role Nymphomaniac. And it isn’t only me, I don’t know a serious actor who doesn’t greatly esteem Shia. The new film that Daniel Day Lewis is making about Shia…

That’s still happening?

Oh absolutely, but you know Daniel. He wants to be absolutely perfect. Especially because it’s Shia. He is more committed to this than he ever was to Lincoln. And he loved Lincoln.

Is there anything you’d help Shia with in terms of his acting?

Are you kidding? I’m the one asking him advice. I wished he’d been there when I was making Taxi Driver, or Raging Bull. I’m sure he would have given me some good notes. I asked him the other day if he could help me with my recent performances. He said he’d seen The Intern. And he emailed me his reaction.

What did he write?

Three words: ‘Do it again’.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

MICHAEL FASSBENDER TO REMAKE ALL OF ASHTON KUTCHER’S MOVIES

HOLLYWOOD – Michael Fassbender revealed today that he is going to devote his career to remaking all of Ashton Kutcher’s movies.

The move comes after Michael Fassbender starred in Danny Boyle’s Steve Jobs, the remake of Ashton Kutcher’s 2013 movie Jobs. Speaking EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec via Skype, Fassbender had this to say:

Every actor has an inspirational figure – for De Niro it was Brando, or DiCaprio it’s De Niro and for Johnny Depp it’s Cesar Romero. Well, for me it’s Ashton Kutcher. Ever since I was a young boy growing up in Ireland, I would watch That 70s Show and marvel. Ever since then I’ve always been a little behind him and he has guided me like a Pole Star of acting. Dude Where’s My Car, The Butterfly Effect, My Boss’s Daughter, every film he did, I would be sitting at the front of the cinema with a notepad and a biro jotting everything down furiously. So when I got the opportunity to play Jobs, I obviously wondered if I could handle it. But I remembered that Hunter S. Thompson had typed The Great Gatsby out in its entirety so as to channel his hero. I figured I’d do the same with Ashton.

Amazing!

I know. And the next thing is though, I’m addicted. I’m not sure I got it all right and I want to do it again.

Another Steve Jobs film?

No. Obviously no. I want to remake another Kutcher movie. I’m thinking Personal Effects or Just Married. It’s only a pity that Two and a Half Men has finished or I could have appeared in that as a recurring character. Maybe Ashton’s long lost twin brother or something.

What Happens in Vegas will be released in 2016.

ROBERT DE NIRO STARS IN ANOTHER COMEDY YOU’RE NOT GOING TO SEE

HOLLYWOOD – Robert De Niro is starring in another comedy this week which chances are you are not going to bother going to see.

The comedy co-stars a young person who will say that they are thrilled to be working with Robert De Niro, but secretly wish it could be in something much better than this middle of the road comic pap. De Niro plays an older person and there is a situation and, if you do watch it, chances are it’s because you are flying somewhere or because a less intelligent family member has got control of the remote. It has got to the point that you don’t even wonder what it is about because the last time De Niro had a leading role in a good film, it would have to be 1995, the year that brought Casino and Heat. Despite the occasional cameo in a David O. Russell film, De Niro has, you believe, been treading water ever since and cashing the pay checks, with the one exception of The Good Shepherd which he directed.

You can’t blame Ben Stiller, but you kind of do and to some extent Leonardo di Caprio who took Martin Scorsese off of De Niro, like some young guy stealing your dad. You don’t want to be overly critical. After all, he did give us Mean Streets, Taxi Driver, Raging Bull, The Godfather Part 2, King of Comedy, New York, New York, The Deer Hunter, Once Upon a Time in America, Goodfellas, Cape Fear, The Untouchables, Midnight Run, Casino, Heat and Angel Heart. Surely we can forgive him Meet the Parents, Rocky and Bullwinkle and Grudge Match. And Meet the Fockers. And The Big Wedding and The Family.

The Intern is in theaters.

JAKE GYLLENHAAL GOT BRAIN DAMAGE FOR SOUTHPAW

HOLLYWOOD – Jake Gyllenhaal revealed today that his preparations for Southpaw also involved gaining sixteen pounds of brain damage.

When you see Jake Gyllenhaal in his new boxing drama Southpaw, you’ll be amazed at his physical transformation which saw the actor gain pounds and build muscle to take on the role of Billy ‘The Great’ Hope, a middle weight boxer in search of redemption in Anthony Fuqua’s drama. However, what you might not know is that the Brokeback Mountain actor also got himself brain damage in order to get closer to the reality of boxing.

Jake spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec to explain his preparation:

Everyone is going to concentrate on the body and how hard I trained, like Robert de Niro for Raging Bull. They’re going to say I’m like Robert de Niro, I know that. But the reality of boxing isn’t just looking ripped. It’s also about being hit in the head so that the brain sloshes about in the skull like a blancmange in cement mixer. And it takes a quite a bit of damage so that the words in the right order come don’t. And so I do that as well. Which de Niro didn’t do.

How did you get the brain damage?

I just let people hit me in the head for hours at a time. And hey presto! the MRI showed the degree of damage that was done.

And how will you return back to normal?

Where’s normal?

Southpaw is on general release.

DAVID O. RUSSELL RECASTS THE FIGHTER

HOLLYWOOD – In his continuing effort to tinker with his back catalog, David O. Russell is this week to release a digitally recast version of The Fighter.

The new version of The Fighter will feature Robert deNiro, Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence. Jennifer Lawrence will play the part of Amy Adams, Robert deNiro that of Mark Wahlberg and Bradley Cooper will take on the role of the brother which won Christian Bale a much deserved Oscar. As previously reported, David O. Russell has already produced a critically acclaimed digitally recast version of Three Kings, which caused the New Yorker’s Anthony Lane to write cogently:

It’s like watching a George Clooney film, but with Bradley Cooper in it.

However, O. Russell is getting some blow back, specifically from his old actors who feel they have been unfairly replaced. Christian Bale screamed hoarsely down the phone to the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

 Oh yeah, well done! Recast me, get Bradley f*cking Cooper to play my part! You piece of sh*t. I’m a f*cking professional you f*cking nonce. I sh*t f*cks like you every f*cking day of the week. You globular arseh*le. And another thing don’t you *ucking dare th*nk about t*uching my fucking p*nts.

The Fighter Redux will be released this week.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

MARTIN SCORSESE PREPARES SEPP BLATTER PIC

HOLLYWOOD – Embattled FIFA President Sepp Blatter is to be the subject of Martin Scorsese’s new movie Badfellas.

The eyebrow rich director spoke EXCLUSIVELY with the Studio Exec about the project:

I’ve always been fascinated by morally corrupt individuals. Gangsters like Henry Hill, megalomaniacs like Howard Hughes or Jordan Belfort, religious figures like Jesus Christ or the Dalai Llama. So it really is no surprise that I should be drawn to the FIFA President who manages to get himself re-elected President, the week that his organisation has become an internationally famous byword for corruption, kickbacks and sleaze! It’s truly phenomenal.

Who will play him?

Harvey Keitel has been looking at the role for years, but Harvey is a bit long in the tooth. Leonardo diCaprio would be perfect but after spending so much time researching the Wolf of Wall Street I don’t think he could do another film about this amount of excess again. In the end I think we’re going to have to go with Sepp Blatter.

He’ll play himself?

Absolutely. I mean this man has balls of brass. He just doesn’t give a shit.

Badfellas will be released shortly after Blatter is arrested.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

SCORSESE AGREES HBO TV SERIES: TAXI DRIVER

NEW YORK – Martin Scorsese is to follow up Boardwalk Empire with a new HBO mini-series based on perhaps his most critically acclaimed film: Taxi Driver.

Original script writer Paul Schrader has already been working on scripts, but Robert de Niro has said that he won’t return in the part of Travis Bickle.

‘I think it makes a lot more sense with a new young actor playing the part,’ said De Niro.

Scorsese says the show will be set in the seventies:

We’ve worked on various scenarios and we are combining them into a three season narrative arc. We’ll begin with Travis in Vietnam for the first season and we’ll find out what made him into who we see in the original film. Then the second season will be more or less the events of the film but stretched out and with some stand alone episode where Travis goes and fights crime and what not. I’m thinking something between First Blood and Death Wish. The final season will be a series of stand alone episodes telling us what happened to Travis. Spoiler alert: he becomes a private detective. 

Taxi Driver will be broadcast in the Fall.

FIRST LOOK AT MICHAEL FASSBENDER AS STEVE JOBS

HOLLYWOOD – Many were bemused by the casting of Michael Fassbender as Steve Jobs in the new Danny Boyle directed biopic of the Apple ‘genius’, but doubters are eating their words.

The Studio Exec can reveal the first look at Michael Fassbender as Jobs in the classic pose that also graced the cover of the Walter Isaacson biography that was published shortly following Steve Jobs’ death.

Resident Jobs expert Xavier Poulis had this to say:

It’s uncanny. I mean Michael Fassbender doesn’t normally look anything like Steve Jobs, but here in this first picture he is almost like a creepy doppelganger, perfectly mimicking not only the IT genius’ pose but his eyes, his ears, his nose, his hair line and his turtle neck sweater. Move over Daniel Day Lewis, sit down Christian Bale, shut up Robert De Niro: there’s a new actor capable of extreme physical transformation on the block and his name is Michael Fassbender.

Author Isaacson was flabbergasted at the transformation of the Irish/German actor into the whiz kid of tech valley. A close friend of the writer said:

It almost looks as if you’ve just taken a picture of Steve Jobs and you’re just saying it’s Michael Fassbender, when actually it’s still a picture of Steve Jobs. Utterly amazing! What an actor!

Scripted by Aaron Sorkin and produced by Scott Rudin, the production went through a lengthy development process with many actors vying for the lead role, even as criticism was heaped on the film for even daring to challenge Ashton Kutcher’s magisterial performance in the made for TV movie Jobs.

Steve Jobs will be released in 2016.

 

MICKEY ROURKE IN RAGING BULL SEQUEL

HOLLYWOOD – The first pictures from the long awaited Raging Bull 2: The Moscow Tour have hit the internet, showing Mickey Rourke in action in the ring.

A sequel to the Robert de Niro/Martin Scorsese classic Raging Bull, the picture sees Jake La Motta (Mickey Rourke) travelling to Russia to fight a series of exhibition bouts and in the process foil a plot by the Russian Mafia to start World War 3.

Director Darren Aronofsky reuniting with Rourke following their success with The Wrestler spoke to The Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

We thought this version was going to be a much lighter piece than we did before. But at the same time I have a lot of respect for Scorsese’s original, especially Paul Schrader’s screenplay. Truly magnificent. He really made it real. So in a way will I. We’ve got Mickey actually touring Russia now and fighting real bouts. We’re stealing a lot of footage from this and we’re going to incorporate it into the film. As much as I like the original I think you’ll find RB2: The Moscow Tour will improve on it.

How so?

Well, for starters it’s in color. I haven’t got a clue what Scorsese was thinking about, but black and white? What a stupid idea!

But Pi, your debut film was in black and white.

Shut up. And Mickey Rourke as an actor is much better than Robert de Niro. In the way that Hugh Jackman is vastly superior to Brad Pitt.

Okay.

And as a writer I’m better than Mr. Schrader. Though I do respect him. But everything can be improved upon. And yes, that includes the Bible.

Raging Bull 2: The Moscow Years will be released in 2016.

ZAC EFRON TO STAR IN TAXI DRIVER REMAKE

HOLLYWOOD – High School Musical star Zac Efron is set to star as Travis Bickle in a remake of Martin Scorsese’s classic film Taxi Driver.

The talented 26 year old Bad Neighbors star told Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY that he had been preparing for the role his whole career:

Robert de Niro in that film is the reason I became an actor. I’ve done my bes tover the years to try and breakout of the squeaky clean image and do something truly challenging. Now that I see de Niro isn’t really that interested in acting anymore, I’ve decided to go back through his career and remake his movies for a new younger audience.

Taxi Driver will mark Seth Rogen’s directorial debut.

‘If the film is a success and I truly believe it will be,’ said Rogen. ‘Then we’re also going to make Raging Bull and The Mission, all starring Zac who is mad keen on getting some respect.’

Robert de Niro, who is set to star opposite Zac Efron in new ‘comedy’ Dirty Grandpa, expressed his delight at the idea.

I look back on what me and Marty did in 1976 and I’m very proud, but it was 1976 and we didn’t have the CGI or the likes of Ben Stiller, so how good can it be, right? When Zac suggested he remake it today I was all for it. I’m sure he’ll knock me off the screen and maybe he can do a couple of songs as well. ‘Are you talking to me?’ would make a great solo number I believe.

Taxi Driver will be released in 2017.

SEAN PENN SIGNS ON FOR EVERY WHICH WAY BUT LOOSE

HOLLYWOOD – In his ongoing campaign to undermine Hollywood via an onslaught of so-so work, Sean Penn has signed on for the remake of the Clint Eastwood orangutan/bare knuckle boxing comedy Every Which Way But Loose.

Penn is set to play Clyde, teaming up with his old We’re No Angels pal Robert De Niro who will be punching below his weight once more as an aging Philo Beddoe. Clint Eastwood will take over duties behind the camera. 

It’s territory I’ve wanted to go back to for sometime, but the script has never quite been there. Then De Niro came to me with a spec script David O. Russell had written during breaks on American Hustle. At first I was cautious. Frankly, I was wary of asking an actor of Mr. De Niro’s stature to prance around with Sean Penn dressed as a monkey for laughs. Then I saw Grudge Match and any such qualms were put to rest. It’s f*cking Shakespeare by comparison.

Penn has been training with Andy Serkis in preparation for the role. ‘He’s been living with us for about six months,’ said a bemused Serkis. ‘I’m not sure why.’ 

Every Which way but Loose will begin shooting in June.  

ROBERT DE NIRO TAKEN INTO PROTECTIVE CUSTODY

NEW YORK – Taxi Driver and Deer Hunter actor Robert de Niro was arrested yesterday afternoon by NYPD police and is being held at an undisclosed location in what is being termed ‘protective custody’.

The arrest was made following a viewing of Luc Besson’s new film The Family in which Mr. De Niro once more tries his hand at ‘comedy’. A police spokesperson said:

We at the NYPD have been keen fans of Mr. De Niro ever since Mean Streets. His work over the years has accrued a diversity of roles but always with a seriousness and artistry that even today makes us collectively gasp. One only need think of Jake La Motta, Travis Bickle, Noodles, the young Don Corleone, or Louis Cypher in Angel Heart. He’s worked with some of the finest directors in the business: Cimino, Bertolucci, Kazan, Gilliam and of course Martin Scorsese.

 The spokesperson drew a breath in pain:

And so it is with great heartache that we have watched Mr. De Niro tread upon his former glory and we have been keeping an eye especially on Mr. Ben Stiller in this regard. After all the rubbish he has done recently, culminating in The Family, we have decided it will be better if Mr. De Niro is confined. Unfortunately, there’s nothing we can do about Grudge Match.

Police sources have hinted that the house arrest need not be permanent ‘should Marty Scorsese find a script they could do together’.

CHRISTOPHER WALKEN OVERDOSES ON IRONY

CHICAGO – Veteran and award winning actor Christopher Walken was rushed to hospital early this morning, having taken a suspected overdose of a deadly cocktail of irony and self-parody.”

He’s been doing SNL sketches for years,” said pal, Jon Voight, “But they have this Funny or Die stuff, ‘Cooking with Christopher Walken’, and that stuff is fucking lethal.”
Family members knew that he had been working with the Muppets, but thought that it was for back pain and were not overly concerned. In the past, Christopher Walken has also appeared in a Todd Soldenz movie.

“Now,” said Robert De Niro, “we can see that for what it really was, a cry for help.”

Having accrued a body of cult films like Dogs of War and The King of New York, and some all-out classics like The Funeral and The Deer Hunter, Christopher Walken has more recently been taking the piss.

Alan Arkin is expected to be playing all his roles until Walken is well enough to return to serious acting.

Jersey Boys will be released in 2014.