PADDINGTON BEAR DUBBED

HOLLYWOOD – The bear who stars in the new movie Padington was dubbed by English actor Ben Wishaw, The Studio Exec can EXCLUSIVELY reveal.

The news came as a shock to the British films millions of young fans.

‘It’s complete ruddy bullsh*t,’ said Carl (11).

I paid good money to watch Paddington and although I had lots of fun watching his pleasant buffonry and japes, as well as scoffing some top tucker and swilling it down with lashings of ginger beer, I was devilishly put out to discover that there was some actor johnny doing all his lines. Zooks! Let the bear speak, for the love of God’s green earth.

The film’s director, Paul King rushed to explain:

We did try with Paddington’s own voice but unfortunately being from Peru he had a very strong Peruvian accent and his English left a lot to be desired. First of all Colin Firth agreed to do it, but after half a day he threw a wobbly about there being too many green M&Ms in his M&Ms jar and walked off. We had to get Q (Ben Wishaw) from the James Bond films to come in and dub over the bear’s lines.

Although rare and consider dishonest, this is not the first time an actors lines have been overdubbed by people other than themselves. Humphrey Bogart in Beat the Devil was dubbed by Peter Sellers; Darth Vader’s voice was replaced by George Lucas and Caesar in Dawn of the Planet of the Apes was dubbed by Antonio Banderas.

Paddington is on current release.  

DAWN OF THE PLANET OF THE APES USES ‘FAKE APES’

HOLLYWOOD – Hollywood was rocked yesterday by a series of accusations that the new film Dawn of the Planet of the Apes has – according to an unnamed source – ‘resorted to trickery’ and will not feature real apes.

The source told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY that:

The studio had been worried about using real apes after Andy Serkis, the ape who played Caesar in the first film Rise of the Planet of the Apes, began to make outrageous demands, including wanting to direct his own movies. So they said, we don’t need the fuss and they decided to use something called ‘computers’ to generate what they refer to as ‘imagery’.

Reaction throughout the simian world has been immediate and furious. Our very own primate correspondent Banjo added his voice to the chorus of protest:

Humans bad. Human not pay Union minimum. Use CGI. They not realistic. Weird eyes. No weight. Look like cartoon.

However, the film’s director Matt Reeves has insisted that ape actors have been used and explained the source of the rumors:

In the film we have a lot of action scenes, with some quite extreme stunts. Most of our ape actors can handle this, but sometimes because of the nature of the stunt it is simply too dangerous and in these situations and only in these situations have we resorted to CGI for reasons purely of safety. 99% of what you see is absolutely real.

Is it true you dubbed some of the apes because their accents were too thick?

No, absolutely not.

Ape and human relations have taken a blow and we will wait and see if from this apparently trivial labor dispute a cross-species war breaks out across the whole planet.

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes is on general release.