JAMES CAMERON TO MAKE PROMETHEUSES

MIAMI – Ridley Scott revealed today that he would not be directing the sequel to Prometheus as he had ‘muffed it up the last time’ and would be passing the reins to James Cameron.

“Prometheuses” will be released sometime in 2017 and will be the second time that James Cameron has taken over a franchise started by Ridley Scott. Speaking from a hot tub in Florida, Ridley Scott said:

I was really looking forward to getting back to the Alien universe, but something went wrong. I could blame Damon Lindelof and his Pigs in Space script and so I will.  

Cameron said he was first approached about the idea soon after Prometheus had been released.

They came and asked what I thought about doing a sequel and did I have any ideas. I said sure, I did. I said, what if there were more Prometheuses? Like a whole army of them. And there was this bunch of rough neck marines sent in, led by (obviously) Michael Biehn. 

Prometheuses? You mean … but the space ship was…

I mean the horrible creatures that burst out and the blood ….  hisssssss… argggghhh! Kapow, kapow. Ka-BOOOOM (in 3D).

You haven’t actually seen the film have you?

No, not actually seen it. No. But they said that would be an advantage. 

Prometheuses will be due out sometime in 2017.

NASA ANNOUNCE THEY HAVE FOUND LIQUID MATT DAMON ON MARS

HOUSTON – NASA today announced that they have found conclusive proof of liquid Matt Damon on Mars.

The existence of liquid Matt Damon on Mars has been a posited as a theoretical possibility ever since the Nineteenth Century. The Italian astronomer Giovanni Schiaparelli observed the Red Planet in 1877 and started a new craze following a mistranslation of his word channels as ‘canals’ which gave many the idea that there were also Gondoliers and bridges. Frozen Matt Damon has already been observed, but the chances of finding liquid Matt Damon were thought to be slim because of the weak atmospheric pressure which would allow Damon to evaporate, or freeze due to the extremely low temperature.

Scientist Howard Wells told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

The nest we’ve been able to do is look for trace elements of Matt Damon. Evidence that he was at some point here. So far this has been a case of looking for where Ben Affleck is and then by a form of trigonometry working out a notional positioning of the Damon, liquid or otherwise. Stephen Soderbergh can be brought in to adjust the calculations.

The first image of Damon on Mars has become a classic and iconic image, reportedly much better than Ocean’s 13 but not as good as the first Bourne film. Ridley Scott who coincidentally filmed The Martian starring Matt Damon on Mars remarked that he was delighted:

Those NASA boys are fantastic. While we were on Mars filming, Matt Damon had a tinkle behind a rock and I said to him ‘Hey, they’ll be claiming they’ve found liquid Matt Damon on Mars next!’ and you know what, as soon as I heard they were making this announcement, I thought, ‘oh no!’

The Martian is on general release.

 

RIDLEY SCOTT PROMISES TO RUIN ALIEN COMPLETELY

LONDON – Today Ridley Scott vowed that he would ruin his breakthrough science fiction/horror hit  Alien completely, promising a further two Prometheus prequels.

Many had hoped that Prometheus had been greeted with such critical lukewarmth if not hatred that cinema-goers would nary be met with a follow up, but it appears today that Ridley Scott is determined to ruin his original Alien film in a fit of nihilistic loathing of the world. He popped into the Pinewood Studio Exec Bungalow yesterday to talk about it:

People always say to me, “oh Ridley Alien was great” or “Gee Ridley I really enjoyed Blade Runner”. Nobody mentions White Squall, Somebody to Watch Over Me, Black Rain or GI Jane. I made 1492 with not a single shot of CGI and Gerard Depardieu for Christ’s sake. What is the matter with these people? Why can’t they appreciate my whole Oeuvre?

Your what?

My Oeuvre Goddamn it! It’s what French directors have. For breakfast I think.

Oh.

So my plan is Blade Runner 2. There you go, you can stop going on about Blade Runner and Prometheus 2 and 3 and boom, Alien will start looking like something that isn’t that special. P. T. Anderson, God Bless him, tried to ruin two franchises in one go with his Alien V Predator films, but you need real skill to properly ruin films. And I’m your man.

Why do you hate the world so much? 

Because people are weird flesh bags and they open their mouths and massive word trains come out. No one appreciates me for the genius I am except me. Yesterday I got a Kinder Surprise. I opened it and the little plastic toy inside, well… it wasn’t a surprise anymore. I was totally expecting it.

Prometheus 2 and Prometheus 3 will be released in 2017 and 2019.

CORMAC MCCARTHY WRITES ANGRY BIRDS MOVIE

HOLLYWOOD – Following their collaboration on The Counsellor, Ridley Scott and Cormac McCarthy are looking to follow up the Angry Birds Movie based on the popular game.

According to a source close to the No Country for Old Men author, “Cormac has been fiddling with an Angry Birds movie ever since the game came out.”

Produced by Finnish computer company Rovio, the game consists of destroying pigs using the titular Angry Birds which are launched at increasingly complicated structures via catapult. Scott spoke to French cultural magazine Chapeau about the development of a filmable script:

At first when Cormac brought up the idea, I was frankly sceptical, but when I got to read the draft I realised that it was in fact a perfect match. Whether it’s The Road or Blood Meridian, Cormac has always been interested in the striving for freedom and survival and the violence that accompanies such striving.

In answering criticism that the material was too light for a novelist of McCarthy’s dark talents, Scott had this to say:

I totally understand that apprehension, but what you have to understand with the film we’re going to do is that when Cormac McCarthy writes Angry Birds, they’re really f*cking angry, these birds. Really.

Angry Birds will be released in early 2016.

FIRST LOOK AT MATT DAMON IN CASTAWAY 2

HOLLYWOOD – Matt Damon takes over from Tom Hanks in his new film Castaway 2: Trip to Mars.

It has been a tough year for Matt Damon. First of all his parents announce they are getting divorced and then he is cruelly snubbed from the new Batman v. Superman movie. However, things are turning for the better in casa Damon as his new film, a sequel to the 90s classic Castaway, looks dead cert to be a massive commercial and critical success.

The synopsis for Castaway 2: Trip to Mars reads:

During a manned mission to Mars, Astronaut Mark Watney is presumed dead after a fierce storm and left behind by his crew. But Watney has survived and finds himself stranded and alone on the hostile planet. With only meager supplies and his loyal friend Wilson, he must draw upon his ingenuity, wit and spirit to subsist and find a way to signal to Earth that he is alive. This is a beautiful sequel and companion piece to the heartwarming Tom Hanks film Castaway: a postmodern Robinson Crusoe – in SPACE.

 Ridley Scott has taken over directing duties from Robert Zemeckis and Andrew Weir has written the novelization.

Castaway 2: Trip to Mars will be released in October 2015.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

BLOOD MERIDIAN GETS A DIRECTOR

HOLLYWOOD – The cult Cormac MacCarthy novel Blood Meridian is going to get a cinema outing after Tommy Lee Jones finally secured a director after years in development.

The rights to Cormac MacCarthy’s novel “Blood Meridian” were secured by Tommy Lee Jones many years ago, but due to the difficulty of the material no studio has been willing to back a version. A number of directors have expressed their wish to tackle it, including Ridley Scott and James Franco even made a twenty minute screen test of the material.

Tommy Lee Jones finally secured his dream director and told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY how it came about:

I’d always wanted Blood Meridian to have a certain look and there was only one director who I thought could truly bring that vision to the screen: Sam Peckinpah.

But Sam Peckinpah’s dead.

Noted. And that was what you might call a deal-breaker. But then I got talking to these cyro-genic engineers at a hotel bar and they told me how they could revive a long dead body and 3D print the dead man’s brain. All they needed was the head. So I dug up the body of Sam Peckinpah.

Jesus Christ.

An apt blasphemy considering the resurrection. But it was more like “Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia”. We got the head to the lab and printed off the brain uploaded it into the computer and asked if Sam would consider directing the movie. I can’t say he was particularly happy about being alive again, but we gave him some e-whiskey and he warmed to the idea.

This is the craziest story I’ve ever heard.

I know. But can you imagine? We’re going to get Blood Meridian directed by Sam Peckinpah. Now all we need is someone like William Holden, or Warren Oates to play the Judge. I’m too old for it now, but I know Zac Efron is in the frame. I don’t know the actor but they tell me he is gritty.

I think you’re going to need that shovel again.

Blood Meridian will be released in 2018. 

THE MAKING OF ALIEN

HOLLYWOOD – In the latest in our celebrated Making of… series, we look at the behind the scenes drama that went into the making of Ridley Scott’s Science Fiction Horror film “Alien”.

The Idea

Dan O’Bannon had been writing Science Fiction scripts for some time. He had scripted and had a small part in John Carpenter’s debut movie “Dark Star”, but O’Bannon wanted to branch out and make a realistic drama about truckers driving across America with a cargo of coal. He wrote to his agent John Stutter:

Dear John,

Please find enclosed the treatment for the new screenplay “Alan”. The story is simple. A trucker called Alan is taking a cargo of coal across America. I see this as very much “Convoy”, but with coal and not as escapist as that film. Let me know what you think.

However, Sutter had not properly read the treatment and his note to O’Bannon was apologetic.

Dan,

Sorry to tell you this but I just glanced at the title of your treatment and got straight onto the phone with Fox. I thought the title was “Alien”. I think it was an ink smudge. Bad news, when I read the treatment I thought it deadly dull. Good news, Fox are sold on having a script from Dark Star writer Dan O’Bannon entitled “Alien”!

A disgruntled O’Bannon got to work and he re-used several characters from his coal convoy story along with the grungy feel he had been aspiring to but he resolutely refused to add an Alien which saw the script taken out of his hands and given to Ronald Shusett who added the Alien. Walter Hill’s production company got involved and a British commercials director who had just made an atmospheric Napoleonic drama called “The Duellists” was also interested.

Pre-Production

The key to the film was thought to be the creature of the title and Jim Henson, the puppet master who created the Muppets, was called in. Following Ridley Scott’s instructions to ‘go dark’, Henson produced the face-hugger, the fetus and the final creature in one 48 hour bout of creativity. However, fearing for his child friendly reputation he hired Swiss artist H.R. Giger to present the work as his own, a decision Henson would bitterly regret for the rest of his life.

Production

Tom Skerritt, Sigourney Weaver, Veronica Cartwright,Harry Dean Stanton, John Hurt, Ian Holm and Yaphet Kotto were all cast after Ridley Scott got stuck in a lift with them in a Casino in Las Vegas and was impressed by the way they reacted diversely to the claustrophobic emergency. In keeping with the sense of immediacy Scott attempted to maintain a sense of spontaneity throughout the fourteen week shoot which took place between July 5 and October 21, 1978. Scott gave the actors only selective pages of script and would frequently spring surprises on them. The chest-burster scene was so disturbing that Yaphey Kotto pissed himself with fear. Harry Dean Stanton recalls:

The urine was everywhere and we were skidding around on it and almost falling on our asses, but Ian and John came from the British theater tradition and so they carried right on. And that was the take that Ridley used. Some of the looks of disgust on Veronica’s face for example, are because of the urine on the floor as much as the special effects.

Later filming the final sequence, Sigourney Weaver would shit her pants, though this was later revealed to be a prank she played on the rest of the cast and crew.

Reception

The advertising campaign for Alien was widely seen as one of the most successful of the late 70s although there is some controversy about who came up with the final tag line. Salman Rushdie claimed that he was the author and Gabriel Garcia Marquez said the line was his own. Scott settled the argument when it was revealed that Julian Lennon, son of Beatle John Lennon used to say to his father every night before he went to bed, ‘Remember dad, in space no one can hear you scream’ which would cause some of John Lennon’s most violent ‘bad trips’. The film was deemed a success and in 1987 the library of congress hired a video cassette of it and forgot to take it back the next day, which is considered by some to be the highest mark of honor.

Alien was released in 1979.

For more of The Making of… CLICK HERE.

HIDDEN GEMS: 9. BLADE RUNNER

Hidden Gems brings to light little known film gems which have somehow slipped through the collective cinematic consciousness. This week, Blade Runner.

Following his success as Indiana Jones and Han Solo, Harrison Ford decided to try his hand at the old hard-boiled detective genre, but with a twist – setting it in the future! The oddball result was Blade Runner, a critical and commercial disaster which famously provoked Roger Ebert to do his first review where he stuck both thumbs up his ass to signal his contempt.

Ford plays Rick Deckard, a bounty hunter tasked with finding and killing escaped Replicants who have fled the off-world colonies and have come to Los Angeles to meet their dad. However, the Replicants – led by the enigmatic Roy Batty (Rutger Hauer) – are both deadly and disconcertingly human, so much so that Deckard finds himself emotional involved with one, the femme fatale Rachel (Sean Young).

Although it’s difficult to get a copy, do try and hunt out an old VHS if you can. Ridley Scott – famous for White Squall and Someone to Watch Over Me – disowned the cinematic version and then his own director’s cut and then his own final cut, and now refuses to talk about the film, having gone on record saying that it ‘is way worse than Prometheus and Prometheus is a shit sandwich.’  The sci-fi noir is a dark compelling and occasionally violent drama. Ford has never been better, nor has Rutger Hauer, or Sean Young, or Daryl Hannah. Nor Ridley Scott. Scott seems utterly unconcerned with genre as such – this is possibly the least camp Science Fiction film available – giving the world he creates a grubby realism of flickering lights and dirty interiors as well as a grandiose dystopian breadth. With or without unicorns, voice over and happy ending, Blade Runner is a strange new world gone old; the last big budget science fiction film made exclusively for grown ups. At least its obscurity means that no one will be dumb enough to try and make a sequel.

For more Hidden Gems Click Here.

EMMA STONE TO PLAY RACHEL DOLEZAL

HOLLYWOOD – Emma Stone will play Rachel Dolezal in Ridley Scott’s next film White is the New Black, sources confirmed.

The Rachel Dolezal story broke only this week, but the potential for a cinematic treatment was obvious to one and all with the Wayan brothers, C. Thomas Howell and Dustin Hoffman all bidding for the rights. In the end however it was Ridley Scott’s Scott Free Productions which landed the deal and immediately thoughts turned to casting. Ridley Scott called up the Studio Exec bungalow earlier today to speak about it:

Emma is such a versatile actor. In Aloha she effortlessly becomes Asian/Hawaiian. In Woody Allen’s Magic in the Moonlight and Irrational Man, she single-handedly saves the films. So I thought about her the instant we got the go ahead on the Dolezal Story.  My only worry was, will the audience believe her as a white woman?

What attracts you to the project?

To me we’re living in a postmodern world in which self-identification has become almost a free for all. On the one hand, certain identities are arbitrary so why not? But on the other wanting to be something and being something are two different things and shouldn’t be confused. This is going to be a very interesting film about identity and politics, self-deception and family.

So you’re treating it seriously?

Hell no. It’s going to be laugh out loud funny. I haven’t done a comedy practically ever so this is my big chance. We’re going to have her get into a series of hilarious situations.

Such as?

Such as she goes to a ‘house party’ and has to do a rap! She has to overcome an allergy to chicken. And she has no natural sense of rhythm.

But wait aren’t those all outdated stereotypes?

And there’s an amazing scene when the cops come to break up a pool party!

White is the New Black will be released in 2016.

RYAN GOSLING’S BLADE RUNNER 2 ROLE REVEALED

HOLLYWOOD – The news that Ryan Gosling is to star in Denis Villeneuve’s Blade Runner 2 rocked the internet this week, but only the Studio Exec can reveal via a leaked email the details of Gosling’s role.

The following email was sent from Denis Villeneuve to Ryan Gosling cc-ing Ridley Scott and (accidentally)  me.

SUBJECT: Blade Runner 2?

From: Denis Villeneuve

To: Ryan Gosling

Hey Ryan,

First of all congratulations on Gangster Squad! What a film! It was like LA Confidential but without the tiresome need to think, or follow the story, or be particularly interested. And you made some brave choices. That squeaky high pitched voice you put on. At first I was ‘What the f*ck?’ then I thought ‘no. It’s brilliant.’ I can’t tell you why it was brilliant but it reminded me of Elisha Cook. OK. Enough ass kissing, right? Blade Runner 2. Larry said I should fill you in more before you make your final decision. I think the money business is all clear. Your request to be paid in macrobiotic restaurants is fine but health and safety tell me the Mariachi band you requested in your trailer for the whole of the shoot might be a problem. I’m sure we can resolve it but there are some laws about human slavery that we might be infringing. But to the story that Harrison Ford has called ‘the best screenplay he’s ever read’.

The year is 2056. Los Angeles. Timmy Deckard is a young Blade Runner, a maverick who doesn’t play by the rules but gets results. (We wrote it the other way round at first, but although original it just didn’t make much sense.)  He gets a hard job. There’s an old renegade replicant living in the wastelands (West Hollywood as we now call it).This guy is building an army of escaped replicants and is planning on wiping out the Blade Runners and taking over the running of the city. Timmy has to hunt him down and retire him. But when he finds him, guess what? The old replicant turns out to be Rick Deckard, Timmy’s long lost father! Captured by the replicant army, Timmy’s dad tells him that Timmy was conceived when he and Rachel ran away. They were fugitive for years with their little replicant/human baby. But in a twist it turns out that Rachel wasn’t a replicant after all. She was just very emotional distant because she was played by Sean Young. Rick was the replicant. So she had Timmy and died soon after of plot convenience and contractual hassles. Now the hunted instead of the hunter, Timmy must decide whether to join forces with  his old man, or bury his past and finish the job.

What do you think Ryan? Screenplay is in the attachment.

Best

Denis

SUBJECT: RE: Blade Runner 2

From: Ryan Gosling

To: Denis Villeneuve

Hi Denis,

The Mariachi band is a deal breaker.

Ryan

 Blade Runner 2 will be released in 2016.

RIDLEY SCOTT WILL NOT DIRECT LEVITICUS

HOLLYWOOD – Despite the massive critical and commercial success of Exodus: Gods and Kings, Ridley Scott will be taking a back seat on the sequel, tentatively titled Leviticus.

In the running to direct are Denis Villeneuve or Joe Cornish or possibly Darren Aronofsky. A spokesperson for Scott’s production company shed some light on the development of the project:

Christian Bale is on board and we have a script. The film begins with Moses (Christian Bale) having rescued his people from the Pharoah and taken them towards the promised land. As anyone who knows the Bible will tell you Israel was a lot further from Egypt than it is today so they spent years getting there. In that time the people need guidance and so Moses sits down and writes out a series of very complicated laws governing rituals and diet and what not.

Why did Ridley decide to forego directing?

As you can tell from even the must cursory of readings of Leviticus, it isn’t a very cinematic book. It doesn’t ahve any of the set pieces that Exodus has – the plagues, the parting of the Red Sea – but when we got the rights we also had the sequel rights and no one had read the book. We’ve been working on a script for some time, but there is a hell of a lot about cubits and seafood. So we think perhaps a younger director might be able to bring something to the mix.

Leviticus: Rules and Regulations will be released in 2017.

HUNGRY HUNGRY HIPPOS GREEN LIT

HOLLYWOOD – Liam Neeson is to complete a quadrology of board game based films with the release of Hungry Hungry Hippos to be released next year.

The Irish actor and Taken star spoke EXCLUSIVELY about the project with The Studio Exec:

It doesn’t seem like yesterday that we were talking about Operation and Battling Tops. After I decided to make those two films my agent called me up and said ‘Liam you’re not going to believe this but they’re after making a film of Hungry Hungry Hippos’. Well, I said ‘Stop the clock! I want it Barney. I want the gig. I want it more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my whole life!’

Why were you so passionate about it?

You see when I was a lad growing in in Ireland, I used to play Hungry Hungry Hippos with my cousins while the adults were all getting ripped off their arses on the porter and singing songs of the famine. I had many a happy memory of that game so it they’re going to make a film of it I want to be involved so that I know they’ll do it right.

What’s the story?

I play Brian McHare, an explorer in the African Congo at the turn of the century. I’m hoping to discover a passage but in the meanwhile there are these diamond smugglers who are looking to kill the local natives and do away with the treasure. We all fall in together and that’s when we come across the titular Hungry Hungry Hippos. have you seen Jaws?

Yes. 

Of course you have. Well, it’s like that, but with hippopotami. And in the jungle. Ridley Scott’s going to direct it. Denzel Washington is playing the fiendish diamond smuggler and One Direction – in their first dramatic film roles – are playing the innocent African villagers.

But aren’t they…

I know but Ridley wants to make a point.

Hungry Hungry Hippos will be released in 2016. 

BLADE RUNNER 2: DAMON LINDELOF ARRESTED

HOLLYWOOD – Damon Lindelof has been arrested after defying a court order making it illegal for Mr. Lindelof to approach within 200 metres of the Blade Runner sequel, tentatively titled Blade Runner 2.

Judge Jorges Harenton had ruled in his judgement in June of this year, soon after seeing Prometheus, that Mr. Lindelof should obey the restraining order as he has had a history of causing a huge amount of public distress, especially with his ‘bullshit plotting and cloth-eared dialogue’.
Judge Harenton went on to write in his ruling, that the Lost writer ‘had grievously and with knowledge aforethought caused untold damage to what had been like the science fiction horror film of all time.’
Mr. Lindelof had responded  by saying ‘Is this serious? that can’t be right’ and had treated to the restraining order as a joke. He was found in the early hours of this morning emailing Ridley Scott with a story outline (to read the email CLICK HERE). In his possession was a heavily annotated copy of Philip K. Dick’s Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? the book on which the original film was based.
In a surprise twist, STUDIO EXEC can reveal that it was Ridley Scott who telephoned the police on receiving the email.

LIAM NEESON SIGNS ON FOR OPERATION

HOLLYWOOD – Liam Neeson is a busy actor at the moment and he’s just added to his roster signing up for Alan Parker’s new film Operation.

Based on the world famous skill game, Operation will center on the story of an surgeon who must operate on the President of the United States of America after his body has been implanted with a twelve mini-nuclear bombs.

Liam Neeson spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec about the project:

I can’t begin to tell you how excited I am about this one, lads. I mean the way they’ve weaved terrorists and imminent thermonuclear destruction into what once was a table top game for kiddies is utterly fan-bloody-tastic. I can’t believe I wasted all that time with that Oscar Schindler crap when I could’ve been doing this.

Alan Parker – the director of Angel Heart and Midnight Express – who has come out of retirement spoke of his renewed taste for making films.

Liam is a versatile actor who can literally do anything. He is one of our finest character actors, but his commitment to making money has led him to also appear as an action star in the Taken series, single-handedly invent the board game genre and of course, who else would have dared to taken on Hannibal and pull of a performance that George Peppard would have been proud to own. Operation will be high drama and tension. Think of it as The Hurt Locker mixed with House. It’s political and dark, thrilling really and there is a moment of humor when the president’s nose glows red and a buzzer sound is heard. Don’t worry, it’s a false alarm caused by a mobile phone left on vibrate and POTUS’s alcoholism.

Operation: the Motion Picture will be released in 2016.