MICKEY MOUSE’S COPYRIGHT EXPIRES

BREAKING NEWS – In two years, Mickey Mouse’s copyright expires, leaving him either a free agent or homeless vermin vagabond. Will he sign up with another production company and start a new phase of his career? Or will he wander the streets in a drug and alcohol fueled haze, turning tricks for nickels and dimes. The Studio Exec examines where next for Mickey.

Mickey Mouse’s Copyright Expires

He’s always been there. From Steamboat Mickey, to the children’s cartoon favorite Wizard’s apprentice, he’s thrilled family audiences everywhere. Even today, he makes kids smile as the silent looming figure, wandering around Disneyland that your middle child kicks as hard as they can. Bless them. But as his copyright runs out, the ink on his long term Disney contract finally fades to nothing.

Who Gives A Shit? Ho-Ho!

Other than a pair of ears that act as a global conglomerate’s logo or a silhouette to spot as an Easter Egg in the background of yet another excruciating Pixar movie, who cares about Mickey? Could he turn up in The Mandalorian Season 3 as MM-HO-HO? The wisecracking mouse-like droid, that kids and adult children alike will pay through the ass to own plastic replicas of in their bedrooms and parent’s basements respectively.

Another Netflix Special?

Will Mickey come to the aid of another streaming service that could do with a boost, Netflix? If so, would it be in the form of a comedy special? He could join the ranks of so-say comedians Dave Chappelle and Ricky Gervais by taking cheap shots at trans communities. Or he could team up with Dolph Lundgren in a buddy action flick with lots of fourth wall breaking and meta-commentary. No-one has ever done that before.

What About Minnie, Goofy and Donald?

And what about his leading lady and supporting cast? Are they destined to forever do the convention circuits, first with a sense of irony, which inevitably leads to their only source of income? Signing shirt after shirt, praying for the call from Disney that they’re ‘getting the band back together’? Children no-longer care about these forgotten stars.

So Long Mickey

Kids leave the teat of Cocomelon and move straight on to the bottle of Teen Titans before being dumped into the lap of Marvel or Star Wars. And for many of them, that is where their cultural growth ends. Because, let’s face it, when the fan world of Harry Potter has become too toxic a place to hang out, Mickey may as well get back on that steamboat and throw himself under the paddles. Full steam ahead Walt, Ho-Ho!

Mickey Mouse’s Copyright Expires In Two Years

KUM BA YA: THE FIRST CHRISTIAN SEX MOVIE?

HOLLYWOOD – Following on from the box office success of such Christian friendly movies as God’s Not Dead, Son of God and Heaven is For Real comes Kum Ba Ya, what makers are claiming to be the first big budget piece of Adult Entertainment specifically aimed at a Christian audience.

Ex-Porn actor and born again Christian Nathanial Felait explained the concept:

Some people believe that Christianity and sex don’t mix but we’re here to say otherwise. In our film, we have a series of saucy situations which will titillate but never deviate.

What’s the film about?

Brian (Greg Kinnear) loves Sarah (Rachel Evans Wood) who he first sees in church, but is occasionally worried by unclean thoughts. He seeks advice from Father Ralph (Ricky Gervais) who tells him that only Holy Matrimony will allow him to indulge in such pleasures of the flesh and only for the purposes of procreation. Not like his Best Gay Friend Stephen (Russell Brand) who has sex with man after man after man after man, but finds no fulfillment in such unnatural congress, as Brian can see when he repeatedly spies on him. Brian even watches Todd (Vince Vaughn) his neighbor having sex with his wife Emily (Mila Kunis), but Brian tries his best not to covet.

Wow.

 Finally, Sarah agrees to marry Brian and once bound by the holy bonds of matrimony according to the rituals of the Holy Church, Brian penetrates her again and again and again, in all sorts of positions and places, all for the purposes of procreation and all thoroughly approved by the many church leaders of all denominations who we consulted with on the making of the film. Some of them watching the film again and again and again just to make sure.  

Do you anticipate the full support of the Christian community for your movie?

The combination of holy morality and full unsimulated sex should bring out the Christian audience. We’ve heard that coach parties are being organised and whole theaters booked by church groups. The only complaints we’ve had have come from the Catholic priesthood who protested that the actors were all a bit too old.

Kum Ba Ya is coming soon!

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT THE GOLDEN GLOBES

HOLLYWOOD – It’s The Golden Globes this Sunday and so the Studio Exec FACT squad has kicked into gear to issue you with five FACTS about the mysterious and little known award ceremony and what it means for you.

1. No one gives a shit about The Golden Globes.

2. The name for the Golden Globes was originally taken from the first draft of Russ Meyer’s unmade James Bond film. In the film, 007 does combat with a villain who is endowed with a massive pair of Golden Testicles. This was changed to a penis and from thence to a finger. Mike Myers later claimed that one of his films was inspired by Meyers’ unmade masterpiece. Which one? That’s right, Wayne’s World

3. Kevin James has never won a Golden Globe. Or an Oscar. But he will win both. And when he does the seventh seal will be broken.

4. When Ricky Gervais hosted the Golden Globes there was a distinct danger they could become entertaining. Thankfully, he has since been removed.

 5. The Hollywood Foreign Press Association pretend to host the Golden Globes, but really the Globes are run by a Masonic Cult with connections to a British Actor’s Ex-Pat club popularly known as the Jolly Bastards. The Jolly Bastards have allegedly committed a series of crimes – including murder, abduction, drug smuggling and animal cruelty – though no charges have ever been leveled because of their sophisticated accents and dry self-deprecating sense of humor. Hugh Laurie is the present president and denies everything glibly.  

 The Golden Globes will be broadcasting live at 5 pm PT and 8pm ET on NBC.

BEN STILLER SIGNS ON FOR CALL OF CTHULHU

HOLLYWOOD – Following the horror of The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, Ben Stiller has announced that his next film will be an intentional horror: an adaptation of H.P. Lovecraft’s Call of Cthulhu.

The Meet the Fockers star has been a long-time Lovecraft aficionado and spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec about his new project:

Not since Tropic Thunder have I been so utterly psyched by a project. H.P. Lovecraft’s stories have freaked me out ever since I read them as a child and I have dreamed of bringing his weird and archaic visions of obsidian horror of the Old Ones to the big screen.

Many have tried and failed.

Indeed. Roger Corman had a crack at it but his versions were more an extension of his Edgar Allen Poe adaptations. And then Brian Yuzna had a crack, but he was again like he was actually using Lovecraft to explore his own weird sex stuff and blackly comic sensibility. And most recently Guillermo Del Toro has been battling to get the Mountains of Madness onto the screen.

So what is going to help you succeed?

With Walter Mitty and Tropic Thunder, although those films are nominally comedies, I really got into terrifying darkness of otherworldly strangeness. There were angles that seem unworldly and an eldritch stench and scratching that arose also from a knowledge of what it is like to be close to Ricky Gervais. In fact Ricky Gervais and Owen Wilson are both in the film, but they reveal depths to their own gnawing fear that has hitherto been suspected but never witnessed by human minds, at least not ones that haven’t been driven stark raving mad and now confined in the mossy depths of the Arkham Asylum.

The Call of Cthulhu will be released in 2016.

MUPPETS JOIN KNIGHT OF CUPS

HOLLYWOOD – The extraordinary cast of Terrence Malick’s new film Knight of Cups already includes stars such as Christian Slater and Natalie Portman, but it can be revealed that they will be joined by the assorted talents of the Muppets.

Kermit the Frog told The Studio Exec:

This is a very exciting development for us. We are essentially an old fashioned Vaudeville act and although we have striven to be taken seriously with our adaptation of great literary works  – The Muppet’s Christmas Carol and The Muppet’s Treasure Island to name but two – our efforts have not always been a resounding effect. Here was have a great director, with an artistic vision, and he wants us in the film alongside the likes of Christian and Natalie.

It is understood the decision to cast the Muppets was taken quite late on in the process after filming had already begun.

Fozzie Bear had this to say:

Malick works in unconventional ways and I think while he had begun shooting Knight of Cups he realised that it really lacked a comic edge. The comedy of To the Wonder had gone over everyone’s heads and so he phoned me up and he said ‘Fozzie, I need you bud, I need that old Wokka Wokka magic!’ I said, ‘Can I bring Gonzo?’ He said ‘Bring everybody!’ Five minutes later he phoned up again and said ‘Don’t bring Gervais though.’ Ha ha!

Knight of Cups will be released in 2015.

NICK NOLTE DONATES FACE TO THE SMITHSONIAN

WASHINGTON – Veteran screen actor Nick Nolte has donated his face to the Smithsonian Institute to be a permanent exhibit.

Smithsonian director Richard Gervais said that the museum appreciated Nolte’s generosity: 

He has a face like Mount Rushmore. It is like one of John Ford’s Monument Valley landscapes and we are very pleased to have it.

His face will be part of a larger exhibition entitled ‘What the F*ck is That?’ which will also include the top of Grace Jones head, Christopher Walken’s eyeballs and Lindsay Lohan’s liver. Gervais says the exhibition would obviously be planned for the distant future ‘when the owners of the exhibits will no longer have use for them’ as Gervais tactfully put it.

A confused Nolte turned up at the Smithsonian this morning ready, as he put it, ‘to get it on.’  Rumors are also rife that Nolte’s head will later be transported to Mount Rushmore well it will ‘beef things up’.

Nick Nolte’s new film A Walk in the Woods will be released in 2015.

RICKY GERVAIS TO REMAKE THE OFFICE

HOLLYWOOD – Following the success of Steve Carrell starring US version of The Office, Ricky Gervais has announced that he is going to go full circle and remake The Office (US) itself a remake of the British The Office as a new series called The Office for the BBC. 

Gervais spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec this morning, sporting a tight black t-shirt!

The last thing I want to do is repeat myself. People were always saying when will you bring David Brent back? When? When? And I always thought never but then I thought, what if I approach The US Office as if it were a totally new series and I could remake it in England with Michael Scott as the character.

Starring Steve Carrell?

No, starring me as Michael Scott. It will be relocated back to England obviously and it will have a British cast.

So you’ll be doing an American accent.

No, I can’t… I’m not very good at American accents. I don’t want to do one.

But won’t people be confused that you’re the same… how is this…

Look it isn’t that complex. I’ll be playing David Scott and we’ll have the other characters from the American show, but as British actors.

But you just said David Scott.

Did I? Oh f*ck it. Right I’ll play David Brent. There. Happy?

No. 

The Office will be broadcast on BBC 3 in the Fall.

GERVAIS TO PLAY COOKIE MONSTER IN’ MUPPETS 2′

HOLLYWOOD – English wit and DVD salesman Ricky Gervais is to play everyone’s favourite puppet the Cookie Monster in ‘The Muppets 2’.


We caught up with Ricky in his plush London office.

Mr Gervais. Can I call you Ricky?

COOKIE

I see you’re already preparing for the role. How did you become involved?

COOKIE

Ok…er. Are you excited about working with Jason Segel?

COOKIE, COOKIE, COOKIE!

Oh it’s like that is it. Well fine. To be honest Mr Gervais I expected a little more professionalism.

COOKIE?