TYLER PERRY’S THE PASSION PROVES ‘THERE IS NO GOOD GOD’

HOLLYWOOD – Tyler Perry conclusively has proven there is no such thing as a benign omnipotent God via his live television event The Passion.

Critics of religion such as Sam Harris and Richard Dawkins congratulated Tyler Perry for doing away with the notion that there was some kind of all powerful good God. Perry’s Palm Sunday live television broadcast The Passion showed on Fox last night and proved beyond doubt that a good God was at best a chimera, at worst a delusion. The semi-live  musical featured a huge glowing crucifix being carried through the streets of New Orleans on Palm Sunday, to a souped up Karaoke soundtrack sung by half famous people.

Fox’s second live musical event of the year so far, the tale of the last hours of Jesus Christ featured Tyler Perry himself as the narrator in pre-taped segments,  Trisha Yearwood played Mary the Virgin Mother, Seal as Pontius Pilate, Prince Royce as the future St. Peter, Chris Daughtry as Judas, and Telenovela’s Jencarlos Canela as Jesus. Singing covers of such classic Spirituals as Tears for Fears’ Mad World and We Don’t Need Another Hero (Beyond the Thunderdome) from Mad Max 3, the telecast had an immediate and significant effect on the belief in God on audiences throughout the country.

“I’ve always been a God-fearing church goer,” said Conor Wickam (43) from Idaho, “but now there just doesn’t seem to be any point.” These sentiments were echoed as religious groups suddenly decided their time would be better spent writing long introspective novels, or having sex with people they actually wanted to have sex with. Even the Vatican issued a statement.

The Holy Father watched with dismay as Tyler Perry made the existence of a all powerful and beneficent deity seem silly. He’s decided to take a few days of retreat and meditation while he knocks his resume into shape.

Tyler Perry however pointed to the fact that some had their faith strengthened:

I spoke with my good friend Paul Rudd and he said that he felt the show was deep and that he would be practicing his own beliefs with far more fervor than hitherto.

For more on Paul Rudd’s satanism, Click Here.

RICHARD DAWKINS TO STAR IN PRETTY LITTLE LIARS

HOLLYWOOD – Richard Dawkins has confirmed rumors that he is to guest star in the popular teen drama Pretty Little Liars.

Dawkins sat down with The Studio Exec to discuss his upcoming role.

Professor Dawkins,what drew you to the role?

Well, I’m a big fan of the show and they asked me if I wanted to go over to America for a few days to film some scenes.

Who will you be playing?

I’m playing myself. The girls come to one of my book signings and we end up going for a coffee to discuss evolutionary biology. Hannah argues that the evolutionary phenomena can be explained in a way consistent with known genetic mechanisms and the observational evidence of naturalists and Aria speaks passionately about the evidence supporting Niles Eldredge’s Punctuated Equilibrium theory. Then we all go shopping and get our nails done.

Will this be your first and final appearance on the show?

I initially thought so but the producers called me up last week and asked if I’d like to become a recurring character. I’m not sure, though, as I have a couple of other projects in the pipeline.

Such as?

I’m playing the part of Pontius Pilate in the National Lampoon’s spoof remake of The Passion of Christ and after that, I’m moving straight into directing The Richard Dawkins story for Miramax.

Wow. Who is playing you?

Jackie Chan.

A new season of Pretty Little Liars is out now.

FIRST FAITH BASED SUPERHERO MOVIE: GOD SQUAD

HOLLYWOOD – Then first Faith Based superhero movie – God Squad – is set for release on Easter Day and we have a full synopsis.

Ever since The Passion of the Christ, the commercial prospects of faith based movies has become a thing. The War Room continued the trend of finding an audience and The Young Messiah – ‘before he was the savior he was a child’ –  is hoping to share in the success. But perhaps the biggest step is going to be taken by the forthcoming Christian superhero film God Squad. The Studio Exec spoke to director, Xan Middlesome about the project:

As a Christian I see all superhero stories as effectively deriving from the Bible. After all, God and Jesus with the help of their trusty sidekick the Holy Spirit, fight crime, right wrongs and bring light to the benighted of the world. God Squad is simply an attempt to tell that same story but using more special effects.

Greg Kinnear stars as Pastor Norris, a missionary/scientist who falls into a vat of toxic Christopher Hitchens books and emerges with Super Strength and the ability to ignore evidence. Alongside Celibate Boy (Angus Jones), Kinnear fights against the Axis of Evidence Based Science led by arch enemy Pritchard Hawkins, a magnificently maned Braniac whose hateful indifference to dying children and sweet little kittens are the least of his crimes.

God Squad will be released on Easter day 2016.

POPE FRANCIS CONDEMNS HORRIBLE BOSSES 2

VATICAN CITY – Pope Francis, the Bishop of Rome, today launched a stunning attack on the comedy sequel Horrible Bosses 2.

The pontiff used his weekly sermon delivered to pilgrims congregated in Saint Peter’s Square in Rome to launch a scathing attack on what he called ‘an utterly unnecessary sequel to an appallingly inept comedy, the very existence of which calls into question the existence of a benevolent creator’:

Hollywood can be a force for good in the world. I for one am stoked to see Interstellar, but why are they making Horrible Bosses 2? How does Jason Sudeikis get work any more? Who is this Sean Anders asshole? He made what? Meet the Millers? That was a terrible film. And now they’re talking about a Paul Bart: Mall Cop 2. I mean, if this comes to pass, I for one will question my faith in the existence of a good God.

Pope Francis’ comments comes following a slew of uninspiring comedy sequels such as Dumb and Dumber To, which the Patriarch of the Greek Orthodox Church Bartholomew the First called ‘truly disappointing, a real let down’. However, Rabbi David Lau seemed more forgiving, saying that he ‘would watch anything with Jennifer Aniston in it. She is a very funny comedienne.’

Arch-atheist and evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins welcomed the Holy Father’s comments:

I think this pope is moving the Catholic church forward to a place of dialogue and common ground. Scientists working at CERN have been bombarding all three Hangover films with neutrons and they just don’t get any funnier. In fact the first one, which we had originally thought was quite amusing, just gets progressively worse even though that seems to suggest some theoretically impossible time travel.

Horrible Bosses 2 will be released no matter what we do or say.

XAVIER POULIS: DOES CINEMA PROVE THE EXISTENCE OF GOD?










GENEVA – Today Swiss cinema and cheese expert, Xavier Poulis tries to resolve one of the most difficult question in philosophy: does God exist?

‘Allo.
God, Jesus, Mohammad, Buddha, L. Ron Hubbard. We all have different names for God and different relationships to him. Richard Dawkins doesn’t believe he exists and George W. Bush talks to him frequently. One of these intellectual giants is telling ‘le whopper grand’ as we say in the cantons of Switzerland. So I’ve decided to settle the matter once and for all, after which no more talking, etc. Just bide by my words. And enough with the talking and silliness.


Arguments for God.

  1. Woody Allen’s early output, especially Love and Death and Manhattan.
  2. Scarlett  Johansson.
  3. Jean Luc Godard.
  4. The Empire Strikes Back.
  5. Robert de Niro in Raging Bull and Taxi Driver.

Arguments against God.

  1. Woody Allen’s later output, especially Scoop and Curse of the Jade Scorpion. 
  2. Scarlett Johansson singing.
  3. Jean Luc Godard.
  4. The Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones, Revenge of the Sith and Ewoks.
  5. Meet the Parents and Meet the Fockers.
  6. Adam Sandler.
So there we have it. God doesn’t exist. Carry on.

END OF WORLD PREDICTED AS BEN AFFLECK DIRECTS ANOTHER GOOD FILM

HOLLYWOOD – Ben Affleck has frequently been seen as emblematic of the oncoming apocalypse as the rough beast of Revelations slopes its way towards Bethlehem to be born once more and the seven trumpets will sound and the seven seals be broken.

But other commentators have regarded the millennialist obsession as little more than a crazy joke. However, even the soberest minds have begun to declare themselves preoccupied by the appearance of certain portends in the Daredevil’s career.

Richard Dawkins – world famous botherer of God botherers everywhere,  recently stated:

That the Jersey Girl and Pearl Harbor star can actually direct a film came as a surprise but then his films have shocked me by being “Not bad.” Gone Baby Gone and The Town were both at least decent if not actually quite good. Look, I have a brain the size of Mercury, but even I can’t understand how the same man who chose to do Gigli could be in the running for an Oscar with Argo.

Fellow brain box and sceptic, Sam Harris, admitted to being baffled by Affleck’s success – “And I understand Quantum Physics.” However, many conservative Christians have seen in Affleck’s career arc the onset of the Rapture, when the Saved will be taken and the sinful left. Billy-Bob Billybob pastor of the High Hairline Church of West Lindsay commented:

Well, shucks if it ain’t the end of the world and the toppling of the mighty and an overturning of the natural order when a best director nomination for Ben Affleck is announced then I don’t know what is. Hallelujah!  

 Dawkins added – “As much as it pains me, the evidence is there – and the evidence is convincing.”