DARREN ARONOFSKY DIRECTING CLIPPY BIOPIC

BREAKING NEWS – The Studio Exec goes on set with Darren Aronofsky directing Clippy The Movie. We managed to catch up with the Requiem For A Dream and Mother! writer / director to get the latest on his new project. With Darren Aronofsky directing Clippy The Movie, we find out what drew him to this surprising project.

Darren Aronofsky Directing Clippy? Thanks For Taking Time Out To Talk With The Exec

To be honest, I’m glad to have something else to do. I’m just sat there on set, twiddling my fucking thumbs.

Why Is That?

We decided to make Clippy a combination of stop-animation and CGI. There’s fuck-all for me to do. It’s just people running around with green body-suits on and plasticine. Actually, it’s kinda sexy, now I think about it.

Can You Tell Us Anything About The Movie?

Yeah, why not? Who Cares? It tells the story of Clippy. Everyone over the age of 35 will remember that little motherfucker popping up on your computer and saying, ‘It looks like you’re trying to write a letter. Would you like some help?’ It’s a story about someone compelled to just be annoying because he’s constantly shunned for mansplaining every time he opens his mouth. It’s a story about toxic masculinity that leads him down a path of alienation and self-destruction. If you think The Wrestler meets Requiem For A Dream, but set in an animated kids world, you can’t go far wrong.

Jesus.

Yeah, he’s also in it. The main part of the film tells the story we all know. But then, things get really fucked up and trippy in the last third of the movie. You know, like they did in Mother! There’s all sorts of creepy, pseudo-religious images because Clippy is wandering the digital wastelands. He’s searching for redemption and meaning in his now redundant life. It’s an age old tale. I guess we all grow old and insignificant and because of that, we assign meaning where there isn’t any. It’s like T.S Eliot said, ‘I will show you meaning in a handful of dust.’

You Kinda Lost Me There?

Look, just plug the fucking movie, because it’s got loads of CGI shenanigans going on. Think Wallace and Gromit meets Angel Heart with a bit of Tron thrown in and you’re basically there.

Clippy The Movie Is Due To Be Released Next Year

JARED LETO SOLVES UKRAINE CRISIS

HOLLYWOOD – The world is breathing a collective sigh of relief after Oscar winning actor and ‘rock star’ Jared Leto solved the recent crisis that had risked bursting into open war between Russia and the beleaguered Eastern European country.

In a surprise visit to Kiev, Mr. Leto honored those who had fallen in the recent protests and also sat down with the parliamentary leaders and spoke on the telephone with Vladimir Putin:

It was tough at first because Mr. Putin was under the mistaken impression after watching Dallas Buyers Club that I was gay and he had a lot of very intimate questions which I did my best to answer. But once we’d cleared that up and got down to brass tacks, we had what I would call a very constructive conversation.

The Ukranian Prime Minister Yatsenyuk was full of praise for Jared Leto:

Initially we were skeptical and very resistant to some of Jared’s suggestions. We had watched the Oscars speech but had written it off as him just Brando-ing. But then he arrived and his group 5 Seconds to Mars played and all of our troubles were put into perspective. The threat of Russian aggression, the infiltration of right wing paramilitary groups, the economic difficulties of our people, all of this seemed as nothing compared to the urgent need to not have 5 Seconds to Mars play again in our country.

It is understood that the deal brokered by Leto will see Russia withdraw its troops and recognize the legitimacy of the new government in return for 5 Seconds to Mars not playing in Moscow. The Requiem for a Dream actor has now been contacted by the UN to help out in other trouble spots in the world and which will see a world tour of 5 Seconds to Mars playing in such places as the Occupied West Bank, the Democratic Republic of the Congo and the DMZ between North and South Korea.