RENNY HARLIN STILL ALLOWED TO MAKE FILMS

HOLLYWOOD – The Legend of Hercules director Renny Harlin will still be allowed to make films, following a ruling by the US Supreme Court that quashed an attempt to halt the former Mr. Geena Davis’ film making career.

A note from the court by Chief Justice Roberts stated:

Although arguments of prior restraint have been strongly maintained against Mr. Harlin, his first amendment rights must take precedent even at the cost of producing such horrors as Deep Blue Sea and Die Hard 2. It is not the business of this nor any court to pass judgement on the pale watery plop that is Mr. Harlin’s IMDb page.  

The Anti-Harlin Lobby Group – led by John Pesnick – issued a statement professing disappointment at the ruling but promising that the ‘fight continues’. Pesnick told the Studio Exec:

No one respects free speech and artistic freedom as much as I, but there is a limit to every right. Crying fire in a theatre for instance. Or making The Exorcist: The Beginning and Mindhunters. It’s a no-brainer. 

Renny Harlin’s new film Fallen Cross will begin filming soon.

SARAH JESSICA PARKER FIRED FROM STRIKING DISTANCE 2

Muffy (right)

HOLLYWOOD – Producer Ron Bozman revealed today in a candid interview in French cultural magazine Chapeau that Sarah Jessica Parker has been fired from the sequel to the 1993 film Striking Distance – provisionally entitled Striking Distance 2: A New Boat – which is currently filming in Louisiana. Parker, who was reprising her role as Jo Christman, was apparently “very difficult” to work with.
“You wouldn’t believe the attitude… I got called to the set almost everyday,” said Bozman. “Her husband Matthew Broderick’d call all the time while we were filming. You think she’d be a bit more professional but she’d just start screaming and say he needed her.” He recalled the event that broke the horse’s back: “He drove all the way down to the set… wearing a ridiculous pink apron, babbling about a recipe for snickerdoodles… and that was when I said she was out.”

Rowdy Herrington, director of the original film, refused the project as he is currently busy directing puppet shows for seniors at the Soft Twilight Nursing Home for Dignified Incontinence. The studio then turned to Renny Harlin, whose schedule was very open: in between filming the occasional episode of a USA network series, he spends his time standing on the Rocky Mountains where his 1993 film Cliffhanger was shot, simply screaming “Why?” 

A lot of footage had been shot with Parker, but relief came in the form of an acting horse, rising animal star Muffy McGee, one of the few survivors of Peter Jackson’s animal holocaust. Bozman gushed about Parker’s replacement: “We put Muffy on set and continued filming, we were amazed it matched the rest of the footage perfectly.”

Bruce Willis, who is reprising his role as Det. Tom Hardy, was unconcerned about the re-casting of his co-star. “Am I getting paid for these questions?” he asked. For a moment he stood in silence with one eye closed and a crooked smirk on his face, then continued: “It doesn’t really matter to me who my co-star is, I’m getting paid. I stopped caring long ago… I mean, remember my role on Friends, or Armageddon? Who would agree to work with David Schwimmer or Ben Affleck if they weren’t getting a fat check?”

It’s unclear if Parker’s firing will affect her career. The only project the actress currently has in the pipeline is an unspecified role in Antoine Fuqua’s Mutha Flicka, which is said to be a “Dark and gritty” entry in the classic film series.

Striking Distance 2 is set for release this Fall.