ARMIE HAMMER CAST AS HANNIBAL LECTER

HOLLYWOOD – Armie Hammer to star as Hannibal Lecter in Silence of the Lambs remake. 

The Studio Exec sat down with Renee Zellweger and Armie Hammer to talk about their casting as Clarice Starling and Hannibal Lecter. 

Good morning guys. Can we get you anything?

RZ – I’ll have a coffee thanks.
AH – I’ll take a Slim Jim, please. No, scrub that. Can I get half a kilo of raw liver, Chianti and some fava beans? Hold the beans. And don’t worry about the Chianti.

Um… ok. So Rob, tell me about the reboot.

RZ – It’s going to be super-duper. In the original version of The Silence Of The Lambs, it was told from the point of view of Clarice Starling.
AH – Claaariiiiiiiiiiicccccccce.
RZ – So, anyway. It’s all from her perspective. But in our version it’s all going to be told from the perspective of Hannibal Lecter.
AH – Yesssssssssssss.

But doesn’t he spend most of the film in his cell in solitary confinement?

RZ – Exactly. We’ll watch walk around the room clockwise. Then we’ll watch him walk around the room counter-clockwise. It’s gonna be insane.
AH – Mm. Have you got anymore liver please? Or maybe a pancreas I could nibble on?

How will you keep the interest of the audience?

RZ – Well, there’s mealtimes-
AH – Mmmm, yeah. Mealtimes, mmmm.
RZ – And there will be times when he needs to take a dump, that’ll be terrifying. It’s going to be told in 3 parts. We’ll tell it real time and the first film will go from the time just after Clarice’s first meeting until just before she comes back.
AH – Have you got any charcuterie? Perhaps some Iberico ham, or prosciutto? Raw bacon?

So it will just be Hannibal and we don’t get to see Clarice in the first film?

RZ – What? Yeah.
AH – Nom, nom, nom.

How will that tell the story?

RZ – Well, he’ll be thinking about her a LOT. And we’ll get to see for the first time ever how Hannibal thinks. Sometimes he thinks stood up. Then leaning against the glass or wall. Sometimes he just stands upright, in the middle of the room. Sometimes he even thinks sat down. Mind-blowing.
AH – And eating. Hannibal’s gonna be eating a LOT of meat. Raw meat. Plenty pork. Lovely lamb, rare. Veeeery rare.
RZ – Armie, get your hands off my ne……

The Silence Of The Lambs Redux starts shooting in March this year.

CHICAGO REBOOT ‘LESS SONGS; MORE FASCISM’

CHICAGO – The remake of the musical Chicago is to star Presidential candidate Donald Trump and will include more fascism and less jazz, it was revealed today.

The musical film Chicago originally starred Richard Gere, Renee Zellwegger and Catherine Zeta Jones, but the new version is set to include Donald Trump a rise in political violence unseen since the days of Mussolini and Renee Zellwegger.

Speaking EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec Renee had this to say:

We’re really excited to go back to this material because it is so exciting and vital and relevant to today’s world. Donald has had a hand in rewriting all of the songs and I think the audiences are going to go crazy when they hear ‘Razzle Fascism’ and ‘Wall that Jazz’ and ‘Mister Climate Change’. My favorite though is the seamless reworking of ‘We Both Reached For The Gun’ which Donald rewrote as ‘We Both Believe that Obama Care Leads to Death Panels and Infringes the Basic Liberty of Poor Americans to Die Unbothered by Medical Attention.’

Rob Marshall returns to duties behind the camera and the best boy will be former brain surgeon Dr. Ben Carson.

Chicago will be released in January 2017.

RENEE ZELLWEGER WILL NOT BE IN INTERSTELLAR

MONTREAL  – Casting news for Christopher Nolan‘s new project Interstellar broke out like a fresh case of web wide hives this week.

Following on from the news that Matthew McConaughey and Anne Hathaway had both finalized their participation, came the shock revelation that Renée Zellweger had been turned down for a role and would not be appearing in the upcoming Science Fiction extravaganza.

Nolan released a statement to the press earlier today stating that:

Usually it would be-hove to me to say something about how I admire the talent of the actress in question and how I look forward to working with her at the earliest opportunity but for this project due to scheduling etc. it just wasn’t possible. However, the truth is I just don’t think she’s very good. 

Many instantly lept to Ms. Zellweger’s defence, including Eva Mendez, who said the director’s comments ‘were graceless, unnecessary and unprofessional.’ Nolan responded that Eva Mendez was ‘rank’ as an actress. When Danny DeVito tried to say something Christopher Nolan turned up at his interview and pushed him over before running away, laughing.

However, he did make Inception.