TARANTINO TO DIRECT THE ‘CARE BEARS’ MOVIE

After last week’s shock interview on Channel 4, Quentin Tarantino has this morning declared his next film with will be a live action re-imagining of the mid-Eighties animated classic The Care Bears Movie.

We caught up with Quentin in his private S&M dungeon to discuss his latest project.

Quentin. Why the Care bears?

Growing up I was a big fan and as the years have passed I’ve become more and more interested in the aesthetic. I’ve been tinkering with a script for about a decade but I couldn’t find the right angle to reintroduce these characters to a modern audience. It wasn’t until I saw Ted last year that everything came together.


So what we can expect from your take on the much beloved tale?

Well the original bears were all sappy do-gooders with hearts of gold. You had Share bear, Birthday bear, Friend bear. That kind of sweet, good natured stuff is fine for the kids but it lacks what every cinema-going adult craves.

And what’s that?

Violence. Lots and lots of violence.

Can you expand?

Well my thoughts on violence are well documented so I don’t feel it’s necessary to go over old ground.

So you’re an advocate of violence in movies?

As I just said though perhaps you didn’t hear me. My fans know me and know what I believe. If you want a reminder then feel free to google me.

But surely with the spate of shootings in the US, surely even you must see that there is a link between violent movies and violent crime.

Look. I’m not a monkey who’s going to dance to your tune. You want a stupid answer to a stupid question then go ask Seth Rogan. On the other hand if you want a serious discussion about my next film then ask me a more interesting question and I will do my best to enlighten you.

Fine. Tell me more about the Care bears.

Well it’s kind of a mash-up between the original Care bears and Walter Hill’s The Warriors. Basically the Care bears chief gets assassinated and the Care bear cousins think it was this particular group of bears that did it and they have to fight their way back home.

Who will be supplying the voices of the characters?

Sam Jackson’s on board as Bad Mother F*cker bear, Jamie Foxx is Pipe Hitting Nigger bear and Uma Thurman is Big Ole Bitch bear. I’m still casting for Crystal Meth bear , Assault and Battery bear and a bunch of others.

So what you’re saying Mr Tarantino is that you’ve taken a bunch of innocent and inoffensive characters and turned them into violent hoodlums.

Yes, but the violence is necessary and the message I’m trying to convey is that sometimes in order to get back home. You have to kill a few bears.

If you don’t mind me saying, that’s a pretty weak message.

Ok that’s it I’m shutting your butt down. I’m shutting it right down to China Town!


Care Bears is due for release in 2014 



REMAKE WATCH: RED DAWN: ANGRY EMAIL

HOLLYWOOD – Red Dawn writer Carl Ellsworth has written a scathing email to the film’s director Dan Bradley, accusing the director of ruining the original concept, turning it from a sensitive story about an adolescent girl’s coming of age to a violent war film.

Ellsworth’s email leaked when Dan Bradley CCed it to all his friends and most major news outlets:

Hey Dan, 

 I’ve just got back from a preview and I have to say I’m furious. When I first broached the idea of making Red Dawn: Jenny’s Morning to the studio, I made it abundantly clear that the script had nothing to do with the 1981 John Milius film that happened to a similar title. I was assured this would not be an issue and the studio was extremely pleased to make a ground-breaking sensitive film documenting a young girl on the cusp of womanhood. When they hired you, I brought up my concerns once more. After all, you are (ahem) a stunt man, with a load of action movie credits. I didn’t really see you as a good fit for telling Jenny’s story. You said you were hundred percent behind the material, but again my suspicions were aroused when you hired Chris Hemsworth in the role of Jenny. At first I thought you were thinking out of the box. Then I noticed that the character’s name had been changed to Jed. As the we prepared for production I noticed that discussions moved with alarming speed away from menstrual cycles and towards motorcycles, away from Jenny’s mother having to juggle her family commitment with her career and to North Korea invading America. Now I see the film I realize that you had no intention of actually making my film and you simply used my script as an excuse to remake the 1981 action film. Under these circumstances I think we should cut our losses and take off the subtitle Jenny’s Morning which simply doesn’t make sense any more.