JARED LETO TO STAR IN MANNEQUIN REMAKE

 

HOLLYWOOD – Instagram model Jared Leto will star in a remake of the 80s rom-com fantasy, Mannequin.

The Dallas Buyers Club and Suicide Squad star, Jared Leto will star in the Mannequin remake. With Ron Howard to direct.

Jared, lead singer in the K-Pop band ’24 Hours From Tulsa’ has been announced as the star in Howard’s remake of the much loved 80s comedy, Mannequin. The press release from Howard’s production company, Imagine Entertainment reads as follows:

“We are delighted to announce that Ron will direct a remake of Mannequin, starring Jared Leto in the title role. Obviously, when the Mannequin comes to life we’ll be getting in another actor to do all the tricky acting stuff. But when he’s just being a mannequin, there’s nobody better. Because he can hang clothes off his shoulders better than anyone. Steve Guttenberg will play the Andrew McCarthy role, so we have the age thing about right, we don’t want it getting creepy or anything.

Ron’s been so lucky with the films he directed over the years for the studios. It’s time to give something back. So, what better way to help out everyone than to keep Jared busy and away from your favourite franchises.

Jared tried destroying Blade Runner and the DC Universe (not that they need any help fucking up that barrel of frogs). So if Ron can keep Jared busy for a few months on pre-production and the shoot, that’s good. But then he’ll make sure there’s reshoots and six months doing a worldwide press tour. By then, Ron figured he’s about square for those Da Vinci movies and that last season of Arrested Development.”

Mannequin starts shooting later this year.

MAX HEADROOM: THE MOTION PICTURE

LONDON – Max Headroom – the cult British TV film from 1985 – is finally going to get a big screen makeover in the capable hands of Sam Mendes and starring House of Cards chameleon Kevin Spacey.

The original film featured Matt Frewer playing a journalist, Edison Carter, in a dystopian future who investigates why couch potatoes are exploding while watching television. After an accident, Carter  is computerized and becomes the titular Max Headroom, a wisecracking TV host who helps boost ratings.

The original film was directed by Rocky Morton and Annabel  Jankell, the creative team guilty for  Super Mario Bros – widely regarded as one of the best films ever made. Max Headroom was entirely remade as a TV show with all the weird gory bits removed, but alas to little success.

The Motion Picture version has long been a dream of Sam Mendes,who hopes to follow up his success at rejuvenating 007 with yet another resurrection:

When I was making American Beauty me and Kevin Spacey would yak about how great it would be to make Max Headroom rather than waste our lives on the arse wipery that was American Beauty, that stinking bucket of sewer soup made film.

Spacey also marks his love of Max Headroom as an inspiration.

As a young boy, with nary an idea in my head as to what to do with myself, Max Headroom represented more than a character. It was the possibility to transform myself into a totally different being. You want to know who Kaiser Soze is? Max Headroom is Kaiser Soze.

Max Headroom is due to be released on April 17th, 2021.

AL PACINO JOINS LAST OF THE SUMMER WINE

HOLLYWOOD – Following the first glimpse of Robert Redford as Foggy, Last of the Summer Wine gets another character poster, featuring Al Pacino in the role of Compo. 


The veteran actor Al Pacino told the Studio Exec:

Hooo Haaaaaa! Yes! The Summer Wine. Last of. Yorkshire. Making this film was one of the most creative experiences of my entire life! Bar none. Redford, a master. Nolte. What can you say about the man who gives everything of himself to a role? An artist! And a part! What a part! Compo. Compo Simmonite to give him his full name. Compo. HA!

How did you prepare for the role? 

I went back to the text. I wanted to get away from Bill Owen’s superfluous performance. It was too strong. Too raw for me. I needed to kill him as my theatrical father. And then allow him to haunt me like Hamlet’s ghost father. But with a piece of string keeping his trousers up. 

Last of the Summer Wine will be released in 2015. 

EVIL DEAD WILL NOT HAVE A SEQUEL

HOLLYWOOD – With the box office success of Evil Dead this weekend, it has been taken for granted that this is the beginning of a new franchise. However, executive producer Sam Raimi made it clear that there would be no follow up to the remake.

‘We’ve made some money and people have enjoyed it, but this is not just a cash grab and to make a sequel would be worse than those assholes over at the Texas Chainsaw Massacre shop,’ said Raimi, who took a break from his remake of The Amazing Spider-Man (for more on that story CLICK HERE) to talk exclusively to The Studio Exec.

There is a tendency in horror films now to just go for series and milk the cow dry. Everyone thought this was the case when we set about the reboot, but we went in a different direction and I’m glad it’s worked out. But now, let’s not make this Scary Movie or worse still Paranormal Activity. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. So I can promise you. No sequels.

You heard it here first. What do you think? Let us know with comments and shit.

REMAKE WATCH: VICTORY

LONDON – Francis Ford Coppola‘s long awaited Escape to Victory reboot will replace soccer with golf.

The original John Huston original from 1981 featured a Michael Caine and Sylvester Stallone who team up with a cast of similar non-actors, in the form of professional footballers: Ozzie Ardelese and Pelé and who have to plan an escape (via soccer) to victory, or possibly instant recapture and firing squad. Max Von Sydow, an actual actor, played the sympathetic Nazi commandant.

For Coppola, the gestation of his remake actually began in 1968, before the original was even thought of. ‘I always wanted to remake a film called Escape to Victory,’ the bearded vintner squirmed. ‘But until 1981, no such film existed.’

‘A disgrace to the noble art of adultery’


Defending his tampering with the original story – which was ludicrous enough already – Coppola took out a gun and started firing at the journalists. Once disarmed, he argued more cogently and legally, ‘Golf if a traditional Prussian game and it will give the POWs more scope to escape. I have a hilarious scene where one of the Nazis kills himself in a bunker, a sand bunker (or sand trap). Okay maybe it isn’t that funny.’

Tom Hardy will play the Michael Caine role, Michael Caine will play the Sylvester Stallone role and Tiger Woods will play the Pelé role. All the ‘actors’ will be shaving their body hair in preparation for filming due to begin in 2015.

JONAH HILL IS SPIDER-MAN

HOLLYWOOD – Jonah Hill to join Sam Raimi’s reboot of Mark Webb’s The Amazing Spider-Man, which looks set to be on a collision course with Webb’s own sequel in the wrung dry comic book franchise.

Raimi announced today that his Spider-Man has been chosen and it will be Jonah Hill.

The Superbad and Money Ball actor said:

Of course, it’s always been a dream of mine to play a super hero and when Marc was searching for his Spider-Man I actually tested for the role, but there were technical aspects that we couldn’t get right. Every time I was trying to you know fly through the air using my web shooter, the chains kept snapping. So they went with that limey asshole. But since then I’ve become really svelte and so, you know, when Sam called me and told me we were going to do it right this time and said count me in.

The Amazing Spider-Man Begins Again will be released on the same day as The Amazing Spider-Man, and we’re hoping for fist fights. 

REMAKE WATCH: THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN

HOLLYWOOD – News coming in about The Amazing Spider-Man took a twist this week. As well as the Marc Webb directed sequel The Amazing Spider-man 2, starring Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield, fans of the web slinger can also look forward to a remake of the original The Amazing Spider-Man directed by none other than the wizard of Oz, Sam Raimi.

Raimi said the the remake will not be a sequel or a prequel or a standalone movie:

This will be a remake of Mark Webb’s film. I don’t want to contribute anything particularly new. I have no new ideas. But the fact is I just want to make a Spider-Man film and it isn’t as if anyway came to me and said, “hey do you mind if we just regurgitate the shit you’ve been working on?”

Isn’t it a bit early for a remake?

Yeah (laughs) yeah I suppose it is. And?

Er…

What I love about making films is taking original ideas and doing something with them. That’s what I did with Evil Dead and Crimewave and Dark Man. But then I thought, why bother? So now I’m just doing remakes and sequels and prequels and I don’t give a shit.

The Amazing Spider-Man Begins is set to start filming on Sunday.

BRETT RATNER REBOOTS THREE COLORS TRILOGY

HOLLYWOOD – Brett Ratner announced plans to remake Krzysztof Kieslowski’s prestigious Three Colors Trilogy. The Rush Hour 2 director said he loved the originals and wanted his versions to be thought of as a homage to the genius of the Polish director’s vision.

But whilst admiring the complex themes and often striking cinematography Ratner always thought ‘there was too much reading involved’ so his version is going to be in American. Kieslowski’s triptych of films was based on the colors of the French flag (blue, white and red) and each story was loosely based on Liberty, Equality and Fraternity: the motto of post-revolutionary France. Ratner has already declared that he will reverse the order to red, white and blue, because ‘you know, our flag, red, white and blue thing.’ The original trilogy also features outstanding performances from the actresses Juliet Binoche, Julie Delpy and Irene Jacob.

‘Casting is everything,’ Mr. Ratner said. ‘We have Julia Roberts, Lindsay Lohan and Megan Fox already on  board.’

The first of the trilogy, Three Colors: Red, will be directed by Brett Ratner, whereas Three Colors: White and Three: Colors Blue will be given to guest director while Brett Ratner takes on an executive producing role.

Brett Ratner’s Three Colors: Red will be released in 2015.

REMAKE WATCH: CASABLANCA SEQUEL

Finally, Warner Bros have announced that cameras are almost ready to roll on the long awaited Casablanca sequel provisionally entitled You Again! Hugh Jackman plays Rick Blaine and Kate Winslet takes on the role of Ilsa Lundt made famous by Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman and directed by Brett Ratner who has put on hold his long awaited remake of Kieslowski’s Three Colors Trilogy to concentrate on following up one of the most loved films of all time.
 Kate Winslet said that the idea first came about when she was shooting Movie 43 with her co-star Jackman:

Wolverine and I have been friends since the year dot. And when we were making Movie 43 one of the Farrelley brothers said the chemistry was great and we should think about taking on the great romantic roles of Ilsa and Rick. Straight away we thought it was a genius idea. Everyone agreed, laughing hysterically to show their enthusiasm. 

Ratner was keeping his cards close to his chest, but he said that the story picks up a few years after the events shown in the original film. Wiping mayonnaise of his chin, he said:

Rick is working in Europe as a contract killer, but when his last job goes wrong and he accidentally kills the pope he flees to the States where he unwittingly buys a zoo and guess who applies for a job in the lizard house? No seriously guess! Okay, I’ll tell you, Ilsa Lundt! So they have this zoo and its funny but Major Strasser’s brother played by Ralph Fiennes is a big game hunter and he relaxes by going around zoos killing the giraffes. I don’t want to say anymore because I might give something away. The important thing is – as you can tell – it is in the spirit of the original.

Filming has already begun.

REMAKE WATCH: JAMES CAMERON RAISES THE TITANIC

James Cameron – explorer, film maker and philosopher – has declared his intention to remake one of the dullest action films ever made Raise the Titanic. The original film was directed by Jerry Jameson and starred Richard Jordan as Dirk Pitts and Jason Robards as Admiral Old. ‘What attracted me to the original was the name Titanic and the fact I could use the excuse of the film to actually raise the actual Titanic,’ said the King of the World. ‘Actually.’

Wow, that’s amazing! When’s that going to happen?

Well, we wanted to but it turned out that it would actually be quite expensive, and there were some namby pamby stuff about there being dead people down there. But who cares right? I mean come on that was like two hundred years ago or something.

Who is going to star in it?

I don’t have anyone to star in it but Michelle Rodriguez and Sam Worthington are going to be in it.

And when is this going to happen?

I have a number of other projects in the pipeline so i won’t be expecting to do it any time soon. Perhaps April.

  

T.J. HOOKER: THE MOTION PICTURE GREEN LIT

HOLLYWOOD – The eagerly awaited film version of T. J. Hooker has been green lit, with William Shatner attached to reprise the role of the plain clothes policeman who, on the death of his partner, returns to the beat as a uniformed sergeant.

The 83 year old Canadian actor – who came to fame playing Captain James T. Kirk in the space opera Star Trek – played Thomas Jefferson Hooker for a total of five seasons and some fans –  who prefers to be called T.J. Prostitutes – rate his performance as Hooker as superior to his more famous role as the Master and Commander of the USS Enterprise.

‘Captain Kirk is Bill’s Hamlet,’ says Joy Saklbert. ‘T.J. is his King Lear.’

A scene from the film


Concerns have been expressed that the role of Hooker might be too athletic for the elderly actor, but director Gaspar Noè argues this is not the case. ‘The opening sequence where we see Hooker running full pelt toward the camera,’ he says. ‘We do that but Shatner will be on a Segue. In fact, he’ll be on a Segue for pretty much the whole film except when he has to go up the stairs and then he’ll be on a stair lift.’

T.J. Hooker: The Motion Picture will be released in 2016.

MANIMAL MOVIE IS NO GO

HOLLYWOOD – It was announced earlier today that there are still no plans to make Manimal: the Motion Picture following discussions that went long into the night at Tom Hamperson’s house in Sacramento, California.

Tom was (admittedly) a bit stoned and mentioned to some of his old buddies that it’d be great if someone made a Manimal movie based on the unpopular TV series from the 80s. His friends (Todd, Zeke and Betney) were almost unanimous in declaring the idea ‘genius’. A quick search of the internet, however, revealed that no such project was currently in development and that led to a sudden drop in enthusiasm. Their mood however was revived by the discovery of some pop tarts in the cupboard. And Tom rolled another joint in celebration.

The original series was shown briefly in 1983 and featured Dr Jonathan Chase (Simon MacCorkindale), wealthy, young, handsome. A man with the brightest of futures. A man with the darkest of pasts. From Africa’s deepest recesses, to the rarefied peaks of Tibet, heir to his father’s legacy and the world’s darkest mysteries. Jonathan Chase, master of the secrets that divide man from animal, animal from man… Manimal! Glen A. Larson created the show by accident when he left the story machine he had invented on overnight and found the first eight episodes written in the morning. ‘In those days, I could do no wrong,’ said Glen. ‘So we went it into production before I sobered up.’ Asked about a movie Glen laughed a cackling laugh that seemed to endanger his health. 

Manimal will be released in 2016.

OUTLAND REMAKE PLANNED

HOLLYWOOD – Sean Connery is set to star in an Outland remake to be directed by Duncan Jones, the Moon and Source Code director and son of ‘Rock Star’ Elton John, or David Bowie.

Peter Boyle is also set to return in the remake as well as Steven Berkoff, who has said that his performance in the 1981 masterpiece marked the zenith of his career.

The original film – directed by Peter Hyams – is set on Jupiter moon of Io and tells the story of a lone marshal’s attempt to impose order on the mining colony, in a High Noon – like stand off. A dangerous drug given to the miners to improve production is causing psychotic episodes and the Marshal is the only man who seems to care.

Jones told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

This is going to be a shot for shot remake. I want it to be as close to the original as it can possibly be. I’m not interested in adding anything at all. I don’t want any CGI, or jokes. I want the original cast as far as possible. This is going to be like Gus Van Sant’s version of Psycho, except it isn’t going to have Vince Vaughn in it and it is going to be good. We have alerted authorities and Colin Farrell is being kept away.

Studio Exec has learned that there is rival remake with Shoot ‘Em Up director Michael Davis at the helm. However, we hope that this is just some kind of parody film site wheeze.

The Outland Remake will be released in 2016.

 

REMAKE WATCH: KRULL

HOLLYWOOD – Remake Watch is a new feature where we keep a close eye on films that look like they might inspire a remake, but have yet to appear in the dreaded IMDB pre-production lists.

This week Krull. This British made fantasy film starred Ken Marshall – who later achieved world fame as Chuck in an episode of Baywatch– as Colwyn a prince whose wedding day is interrupted by Slayers sent by the Beast to kidnap his bride to be Lyssa and take her away in his flying fortress from where Colwyn with the help of Freddie Jones and Liam Neeson (?), a Cyclops and a little boy called Titch, oh and a magic flying shuriken called the Glavis will eventually rescue her (SPOILER ALERT for back there).
Directed by Peter Yates of Bullitt fameand written by one of the original writers of the Batman TV series, Krull is a film of practical effects, dodgy back projection and hammy theatrics and is ripe for a mediocre but bafflingly successful remake. Why?
  1. People vaguely remember it but haven’t actually seen it and so probably have affection for at least the idea of it. Young people will not have seen it and so will think it is ‘original’.
  2. It’s named after a planet.
  3. Liam Neeson can reprise his original role.
  4. CGI effects of the flying castle and the Glavis will look great while utterly lacking the charm of the original.