MAX HEADROOM: THE MOTION PICTURE

LONDON – Max Headroom – the cult British TV film from 1985 – is finally going to get a big screen makeover in the capable hands of Sam Mendes and starring House of Cards chameleon Kevin Spacey.

The original film featured Matt Frewer playing a journalist, Edison Carter, in a dystopian future who investigates why couch potatoes are exploding while watching television. After an accident, Carter  is computerized and becomes the titular Max Headroom, a wisecracking TV host who helps boost ratings.

The original film was directed by Rocky Morton and Annabel  Jankell, the creative team guilty for  Super Mario Bros – widely regarded as one of the best films ever made. Max Headroom was entirely remade as a TV show with all the weird gory bits removed, but alas to little success.

The Motion Picture version has long been a dream of Sam Mendes,who hopes to follow up his success at rejuvenating 007 with yet another resurrection:

When I was making American Beauty me and Kevin Spacey would yak about how great it would be to make Max Headroom rather than waste our lives on the arse wipery that was American Beauty, that stinking bucket of sewer soup made film.

Spacey also marks his love of Max Headroom as an inspiration.

As a young boy, with nary an idea in my head as to what to do with myself, Max Headroom represented more than a character. It was the possibility to transform myself into a totally different being. You want to know who Kaiser Soze is? Max Headroom is Kaiser Soze.

Max Headroom is due to be released on April 17th, 2021.

RIAN JOHNSON TO REMAKE LOOPER


HOLLYWOOD – Rian Johnson announced that he is to remake Looper, his Science Fiction mind bending time travel thriller that stars Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Bruce Willis’ younger self.

‘I made it all wrong,’ said Johnson. ‘I watched it again recently and I realised that Bruce Willis should be playing an older Joseph Gordon-Levitt rather than Joseph Gordon-Levitt playing Bruce Willis’ younger self.’

The news came as no surprise to Rian Johnson collaborator, actor Paul Dano: ‘It came as no surprise to me, as actor Paul Dano, because what many people don’t realise is that Rian Johnson already made Looper three times. One in 2009 and twice in 2011, but one of those 2011s weren’t our 2011.’

Rian Johnson said that the plot mechanics of time traveller were so complicated and convoluted that he was unable to properly explain many of the parts of his own film, but he admitted the only way to do justice to the story was to use real time travel.  ‘I watched it again recently and I realised that Bruce Willis should be playing an older Joseph Gordon-Levitt rather than Joseph Gordon-Levitt playing Bruce Willis’ younger self.’

Rian Johnson announced that he is to remake Looper, his Science Fiction mind bending time travel thriller that stars Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Bruce Willis’ younger self. The news came as no surprise to Rian Johnson collaborator, actor Paul Dano: ‘It came as no surprise to me, as actor Paul Dano, because what many people don’t realise is that Rian Johnson already made Looper three times. One in 2009 and twice in 2011, but one of those 2011s weren’t our 2011.’

Rian Johnson. Rian Johnson. Looper Paul Dano.
Bruce.

REMAKE WATCH: THE EQUALIZER

HOLLYWOOD – Denzel Washington teams up with Training Day director Antoine Fuqua for a remake of a popular TV series The Equalizer.

The original starred Edward Woodward (why does Edward Woodward have four Ds in his name? Because otherwise he’d be called Ewar Woo War) as a geriatric Charles Bronson for hire. But in the new remake Denzel Washington will play Robert McCall, who in an attempt to salve his covert ops stained conscience puts an advert in the paper: ‘Got a problem? Odds against you? Call the Equalizer’. 

Could it be actually good? These are the kind of premises that Washington carries off with aplomb when avoiding the effort of properly acting in something. The director brings to the table Olympus Has Fallen and King ArthurAnd the writer is Richard Wenk, whose CV includes The Expendables. This comes as a surprise. I didn’t think those things were so much written as workshopped with the NRA. So this isn’t Pirandello exactly. 

The Equalizer is due out in May 2014.

MANIMAL MOVIE IS NO GO

HOLLYWOOD – It was announced earlier today that there are still no plans to make Manimal: the Motion Picture following discussions that went long into the night at Tom Hamperson’s house in Sacramento, California.

Tom was (admittedly) a bit stoned and mentioned to some of his old buddies that it’d be great if someone made a Manimal movie based on the unpopular TV series from the 80s. His friends (Todd, Zeke and Betney) were almost unanimous in declaring the idea ‘genius’. A quick search of the internet, however, revealed that no such project was currently in development and that led to a sudden drop in enthusiasm. Their mood however was revived by the discovery of some pop tarts in the cupboard. And Tom rolled another joint in celebration.

The original series was shown briefly in 1983 and featured Dr Jonathan Chase (Simon MacCorkindale), wealthy, young, handsome. A man with the brightest of futures. A man with the darkest of pasts. From Africa’s deepest recesses, to the rarefied peaks of Tibet, heir to his father’s legacy and the world’s darkest mysteries. Jonathan Chase, master of the secrets that divide man from animal, animal from man… Manimal! Glen A. Larson created the show by accident when he left the story machine he had invented on overnight and found the first eight episodes written in the morning. ‘In those days, I could do no wrong,’ said Glen. ‘So we went it into production before I sobered up.’ Asked about a movie Glen laughed a cackling laugh that seemed to endanger his health. 

Manimal will be released in 2016.

OUTLAND REMAKE PLANNED

HOLLYWOOD – Sean Connery is set to star in an Outland remake to be directed by Duncan Jones, the Moon and Source Code director and son of ‘Rock Star’ Elton John, or David Bowie.

Peter Boyle is also set to return in the remake as well as Steven Berkoff, who has said that his performance in the 1981 masterpiece marked the zenith of his career.

The original film – directed by Peter Hyams – is set on Jupiter moon of Io and tells the story of a lone marshal’s attempt to impose order on the mining colony, in a High Noon – like stand off. A dangerous drug given to the miners to improve production is causing psychotic episodes and the Marshal is the only man who seems to care.

Jones told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

This is going to be a shot for shot remake. I want it to be as close to the original as it can possibly be. I’m not interested in adding anything at all. I don’t want any CGI, or jokes. I want the original cast as far as possible. This is going to be like Gus Van Sant’s version of Psycho, except it isn’t going to have Vince Vaughn in it and it is going to be good. We have alerted authorities and Colin Farrell is being kept away.

Studio Exec has learned that there is rival remake with Shoot ‘Em Up director Michael Davis at the helm. However, we hope that this is just some kind of parody film site wheeze.

The Outland Remake will be released in 2016.

 

REMAKE WATCH: KRULL

HOLLYWOOD – Remake Watch is a new feature where we keep a close eye on films that look like they might inspire a remake, but have yet to appear in the dreaded IMDB pre-production lists.

This week Krull. This British made fantasy film starred Ken Marshall – who later achieved world fame as Chuck in an episode of Baywatch– as Colwyn a prince whose wedding day is interrupted by Slayers sent by the Beast to kidnap his bride to be Lyssa and take her away in his flying fortress from where Colwyn with the help of Freddie Jones and Liam Neeson (?), a Cyclops and a little boy called Titch, oh and a magic flying shuriken called the Glavis will eventually rescue her (SPOILER ALERT for back there).
Directed by Peter Yates of Bullitt fameand written by one of the original writers of the Batman TV series, Krull is a film of practical effects, dodgy back projection and hammy theatrics and is ripe for a mediocre but bafflingly successful remake. Why?
  1. People vaguely remember it but haven’t actually seen it and so probably have affection for at least the idea of it. Young people will not have seen it and so will think it is ‘original’.
  2. It’s named after a planet.
  3. Liam Neeson can reprise his original role.
  4. CGI effects of the flying castle and the Glavis will look great while utterly lacking the charm of the original.

REMAKE WATCH: THE NEW POSEIDON ADVENTURE

HOLLYWOOD – A new film based on the Paul Gallico novel The Poseidon Adventure is to begin filming right this minute.

The film is to be directed by Werner Herzog and will star Matthew Broderick as a troubled priest (played in the original by Gene Hackman) who has to put aside his shaky faith in order to rescue the passengers of a luxury cruise ship after it is hit by a tidal wave. Studio Exec had the opportunity to speak to Herzog while dodging machine gun fire.

So a disaster movie, what attracts you to the genre?

Life is a disaster and so for me it stands as the perfect metaphor for the position of the human soul in the abyss of an obsidian darkness that isolates one totally and in which the soul trembles and quakes weeping and beating its chest if a soul can be said to have a chest. 

And what relationship does your film have to the 2006 remake Poseidon?

What remake? I don’t understand. 

The remake starring Kurt Russell and Richard Dreyfuss? Directed by Wolfgang Petersen?

You’re kidding me right. There’s a remake of this film already? You have to be (as they say) shitting me. Seriously. I spoke to Wolfgang yesterday. Now it makes sense why he couldn’t stop laughing. It’s the Bad Lieutenant all over again. Oh, hell.

Well no one actually saw the film.

I’ve been going to meetings, talking to studio heads and no one has mentioned this other film. Wait a minute, did you say Richard Dreyfuss is in it? Because I cast him as the ship’s captain. Why didn’t he say anything? All he wanted to talk about was money.

So what are your plans?

 I’ll make it nevertheless. I mean why not. The money they give me for this I can film seventeen documentaries. Perhaps everyone will have forgotten the other film.  

Ah!

Oh, you’ve been shot. No it’s okay. The bullet went right through, see? You’ll be fine.  

EVIL DEAD: TRAILER REVIEW

HOLLYWOOD – Sam Raimi’s Evil Dead was a shocking film of gore and black, black comedy. When we at Studio Exec heard there was going to be a remake, we said ‘What?’ and ‘That’s stupid!’ and ‘That’d be like remaking Carrie, what a stupid dumb idea’ and ‘Stupid, stupid, cynical cash grab stupid idiots of stupid’. But then we saw that the director was Fede Alvarez and we changed our tune. Now we said, ‘Who the fuck is Fede Alvarez? And isn’t remaking Evil Dead a stupid dumbass, brain dead, stupid idea?’ But now there’s a trailer. So….





My first reaction was this is not as funny as the original. My second reaction was ‘honey, maybe the kids shouldn’t be watching this’. My third reaction was urgh. My fourth reaction was ‘Ah so that’s what NSFW means.’
So what we have is a straightforward Cabin in the Woods splatter-fest that the original was a parody of. It’s like they’ve remade Airplane as Airport.

So okay. But do you remember when Sam Raimi was this fresh young film maker full of crazy ideas?
The guy who brought us Darkman and Crimewave? And now we have this. The only relief is that he isn’t directing it. Instead, he’s turned his attention to a much more needed film, a more vital film that speaks to the problems of our times. A prequel to The Wizard of Oz.


(PLEASE NOTE: In a time of economic crisis, it is important that all parts of the industry pull together and as we know that the studios are feeling the pinch, we have decided to help out with the publicity department budget and run a review of a trailer, giving the film promotional space and making it look like ‘journalism’.)

REMAKE WATCH: STALLONE ANNOUNCES WILD GEESE SEQUELS

HOLLYWOOD – Sylvester Stallone announced today that he was currently in talks to star in and direct sequels to The Wild Geese and The Wild Geese 2, British produced action films which followed the fortunes of a team of ageing mercenaries on dangerous missions in the Third World.

‘It’s going to be really easy,’ said Cobra as he likes to be known. ‘What we’re going to do is film a new title sequence and just append it to The Expendables and it’ll say The Wild Geese 3 and then to complete the quadrology will cut a new title sequence and put it in front of The Expendables 2 and that’ll will be The Wild Geese 4.’
Journalists expressed amazement that Mr Stallone had used the word ‘append’ and quizzed him about its meaning but he said, ‘That stuff about me being dumb is bull crap. I could buy you all and have you flown to China.’
The original Wild Geese featured the Richards Burton and Harris, the Roger Moore and Hardy Kreuger, would any of the old cast be joining the film?
‘I know Roger is definitely on for a cameo but Richard Burton and Richard Harris haven’t returned any of my calls or emails, which I have to say, I think is probably down to snobbery,’ said the Stop or My Mom Will Shoot star.