BREAKING NEWS – In a heart-felt plea to the New Zealand writer, director, actor and all-round quirky guy, Ryan Reynolds tells Taika Waititi to ‘tone it down a bit’. We spoke to meta-hilarious 4th wall breaking Reynolds why he wants Taika to calm it down.
So Ryan Reynolds, Why Have Told Taika Waititi To Tone It Down?
First things first, I just wanna say how much I love Taika [looks over his should and winks at a non-existent camera]. But before he suffers the same fate as me, I just think he should calm down the whole kooky, quirk thing. You know what I mean?
Who Were You Winking At?
Um, nobody. No-one at all.
Don’t Give Me That Bullshit, You Were Meta-Winking.
Ok, ok, alright. I was, I admit it. But this is exactly what I don’t want to happen to my buddy, Taika. I can’t stop it anymore. When I started breaking 4th walls and being meta, it was fun and fresh. But it’s grown old very quickly. Now look at me. Yeah sure, I make at least $20million a picture, but they’re all on fucking Netflix. Who gives a shit about that!
What’s Your Message To Taika?
Your early movies, Eagle Vs Shark, What We Do In The Shadows and even Hunt For The Wilderpeople, they had kook and quirk, yeah sure. But they also had real heart at the center of them. Get back to that heart, that humanity, man. Don’t end up like me. I accidentally saw the opening credits of Magnum P.I and all it took was his little wink and eyebrow thingy to camera, and I was hooked. This shit is worse than fucking crack, man. I just can’t quit [does a funny look over my shoulder].
You Just Did It Again, Didn’t You?
I’m beyond saving. It’s hopeless. It’s just gonna be never-ending sequels to Red Notice and The Hitman’s fucking whatever from here on in.
Thor: Love And Thunder Is Currently In Theatres
Hollywood – The Studio Exec can reveal an open letter signed by dozens of Hollywood’s top movie stars will be published in various trade publications stating that Ryan Reynolds is exhausting. The letter is seen as an attempt by friends and loved ones of the Canadian movie star to just ‘give it a rest every now and then’. Not only does the letter state Ryan Reynolds is exhausting to be around but his constant meta commentary and breaking of fourth walls that aren’t there in real life is growing very thin.
Ryan Reynolds Is Exhausting
The Studio Exec can reveal extracts of the heart-breaking letter; “Dear Ryan, Please know that what we say in this letter comes from a place of love and support. We don’t mean to undermine you or make you feel bad. We all want you to be happy. But you will not find happiness with constant narration of your life to an audience that simply isn’t there.”
“You are more than tiny dick jokes, large dick jokes and knowing glances to a camera that isn’t there. Please remember that Ryan Reynolds is not a part to play. He is a man, a talented and funny man that can exist and thrive outside of staged Instagram spats with Hugh Jackman.”
You’re Not Deadpool
“The continual meta-commentary was kinda fun for a while in Deadpool and most of Deadpool 2. But it’s not a blueprint for real life. Ordering food in a restaurant takes hours with all of your cheeky asides over your shoulder. Don’t make us rethink the merits of what they did with your character in Wolverine: X-Men Origins.”
You’re Hurting Others
“Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson appears to be going down the same road, having seen your schtick and thought, ‘Kerching!’ It’s only a matter of time before he starts breaking more and more fourth walls and flexing his eyebrows at us. Please Ryan, don’t let this happen.”
Red Notice, The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard and Free Guy are separate films… apparently.