HARRISON FORD LOSES HAIR IN CURSE OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL

LOS ANGELES – Harrison Ford has lost all his hair as a direct result of appearing in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, the fourth instalment of the celebrated archaeology/sadomasochism saga.

Some industry experts have pointed specifically to the scene where Indiana Jones survived a nuclear explosion by hiding in a fridge.

One Lucas insider told The Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

As everybody knows, Spielberg is a stickler for realism. So he actually had Harrison in the fridge and he actually detonated an actual bomb.

Comparisons have been drawn to other ill fated films, such as Tarkovsky’s Stalker, which cost the life of the director, his wife and one of the lead actors; or the John Wayne one shot near the nuclear testing sites, after which everyone died and stuff.

Other victims of the curse are Ray Winstone who was forced to appear in The Sweeney as a direct consequence of the Curse. John Hurt and Shia LaBeouf were both captured by Danish film maker Lars Von Trier and forced to appear in sex films. Cate Blanchett’s life has been a catalogue of disasters since filming Indy 4. First, she fell in love with a really old guy who then turned into a baby, then she was killed by a child assassin and now it looks like she’s going to have act with Hobbits again.

The one person to have escaped the curse is Karen Allen, who had the fortune to have her scene deleted from I am Number Four, thus saving her a further indignity.

Indiana Jones 5: The Violation of Childhood will be released in 2022.

GARY OLDMAN DIRECTS KAJAGOOGOO BIOPIC

LEIGHTON BUZZARD – Gary Oldman is to direct his second feature film with a biopic of British Eighties pop group Kajagoogoo.

Too Shy represents a radical change in direction for Oldman, whose first film Nil By Mouth was a grimly realistic portrayal of domestic violence, starring Ray Winstone.

Ray Winstone returns, however, in the role of Limahl the egotistical lead singer of the group which had hits with ‘Ooh to Be Aaah’ and ‘Too Shy’ before exploding in an orgy of hair spray and recriminations. Jonah Hill will play bassist – and arch rival – Nick Beggs.

The Firm and Dracula actor explained exclusively to the Studio Exec:

The Eighties is a period that fascinates me. I first made a real name for myself playing Sid Vicious in Alex Cox’s Sid and Nancy. I wanted to go back to the Eighties and explore the rise and fall of the kind of one-hit-wonder group that was so prevalent in those days. Though I wanted something more epic. That’s why I went for Kajagoogoo, because they’re more like a two-hit-wonder. 

Ray Winstone seems like an odd choice for Limahl. What made you offer him the part?

bow wow wow (Ray, far left)

Well, you say that but what you don’t know about Ray is he used to play keyboards for Bow Wow Wow and so he knows that world intimately. They kicked him out just after they released ‘Go Wild in the Country’ and he’s been very bitter about it. 

The film ends with Limahl leaving the band. Would you guys consider a sequel to follow Limahl’s solo career?

Wow. That would be a lot bigger in scope than I’m used to. Perhaps. I mean it could be a [sings] Never Ending Story-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-laaaaaaaa.


Too Shy is due to start filming this month.

THE QUEEN’S SPEECH – REVIEW

THE QUEEN’S SPEECH – REVIEW – Yesterday saw the release in streaming of the sequel to Tom Hooper’s Oscar winning The King’s Speech, entitled The Queen’s Speech and starring Elizabeth Windsor.

The King’s Speech was a hugely successful film, both commercially and critically and many had high hopes for the sequel The Queen’s Speech, but unfortunately this pedestrian drama is plagued by an uninspiring screenplay, a wooden central performance and an embarrassingly short running time. So where to start? First of all the decision to cast Elizabeth Windsor as ‘herself’ has to be seen now as a huge error. Obviously one that the producers were forced to make after Dame Helen Mirren proved more expensive than simply getting the real thing but as good a monarch as Elizabeth is, she is not a great actress. her line readings were without any kind of emotional warmth and her eyes took on a shark like sheen as she spoke about light and darkness. Gone was Colin Firth’s fragility as the stuttering King George and in was the icy self-confidence of a ruler who has not once doubted her own right or capacity to reign. The script was a jumble of cliches without a single hint at tension, interiority or drama. What might have saved this woeful one note drama would have been the introduction of a Geoffrey Rush kind of character – perhaps played by Ray Winstone – someone called Ralph or Dennis, someone whose everyday normality would contrast and humanize the regal and give us a renewed sense of respect and obedience to the Crown. As it is, The Queen’s Speech feels thin and under-written, emotionally torpid and woefully simplistic. One can only hope that the third projected film in the trilogy Charles in Charged will produce something more stimulating or at least funny.

For more Reviews, Click Here.

HARRISON FORD LOSES HAIR IN CURSE OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL

LOS ANGELES – Harrison Ford has lost all his hair as a direct result of appearing in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, the fourth instalment of the celebrated archaeology/sadomasochism saga.

Some industry experts have pointed specifically to the scene where Indiana Jones survived a nuclear explosion by hiding in a fridge.
One Lucas insider told The Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:
As everybody knows, Spielberg is a stickler for realism. So he actually had Harrison in the fridge and he actually detonated an actual bomb.
Comparisons have been drawn to other ill fated films, such as Tarkovsky’s Stalker, which cost the life of the director, his wife and one of the lead actors; or the John Wayne one shot near the nuclear testing sites, after which everyone died and stuff.
Other victims of the curse are Ray Winstone who was forced to appear in The Sweeney as a direct consequence of the Curse. John Hurt and Shia LaBeouf were both captured by Danish film maker Lars Von Trier and forced to appear in sex films. Cate Blanchett’s life has been a catalogue of disasters since filming Indy 4. First, she fell in love with a really old guy who then turned into a baby, then she was killed by a child assassin and now it looks like she’s going to have act with Hobbits again.
The one person to have escaped the curse is Karen Allen, who had the fortune to have her scene deleted from I am Number Four, thus saving her a further indignity.

Indiana Jones 5: The Violation of Childhood will be released in 2022.

20,000 DAYS ON EARTH: REVIEW

20,000 DAYS ON EARTH: REVIEW – Australian rock star Nick Cave spends his 20,000th day on earth in the company of a camera crew, Ray Winstone, Kylie Minogue and various collaborators.

Iain Forsyth and Jane Pollard’s surprisingly affable rockumentary shows the brilliant and gloomy songwriter in a variety of staged encounters in his adopted home of Brighton – including a toe-curling psychiatry session, the making of an album, preparation for a concert, lunch with a collaborator and various anecdotes from a career that has always managed to maintain a cult status while occasionally bobbing – like a murder victim wrapped in plastic sheeting – into the mainstream.

Full disclosure: I am a huge Nick Cave fan, having followed him from The Birthday Party through to the Bad Seeds. I saw him when he was touring The Good Son and never looked back. His albums are almost without exception fantastic, his film scores are exceptional, especially The Road and The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford and his two novels are awful, but I’ve dutifully read both. He even had a short stint as an actor in the amazing and underrated Australian prison film Ghosts of the Civil Dead, directed by fan and collaborator John Hilcoat as well as an appearance as himself in Wim Wenders’ masterpiece Wings of Desire.

I felt some trepidation watching the film, with the feeling you might get before meeting your hero, but the film pulls off the trick of at once being intimate and yet perpetuating  the image of the austere, brooding and unapproachable songster. A layer of darkness is undercut by mundane business, typified by a shot of Cave en famille munching pizza with his twin boys, and watching television. This being Cave, he’s not watching Strictly Dancing, but instead the final shoot out of Brian De Palma’s Scarface.

In short, if you like Nick Cave the film will be a welcome companion piece to The Road to God Knows Where. And if you don’t you’ll be baffled by the whole project.

 

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RAY WINSTONE DONATES MASSIVE FLOATING HEAD TO POOR

LONDON – Character actor, Ray Winstone has donated his massive floating head to the poor and particularly victims of gambling addiction.

Winstone explained the decision as being the result of a crisis of conscience:

Not many people know this, but I actually come from a working class background and studies show that these deprived communities suffer disproportionately from high levels of gambling addiction. To think that my role as a promoter of gambling via my many, many, many, repeated, incessant and interminable TV adverts for Bet 365 might  in some way have contributed to the problem is more than I can take. It drives me bananas just thinking about it.

 So what good will your massive floating head do? 

There are a variety of roles it can take on. Deterring crime: no one’s gonna get up to monkey business when they see my massive bonce rounding the corner. Charity fetes. Guess the weight or throw rubber balls into me mouth. And I can even suggest betting tips… no wait not betting tips. I haven’t really thought this through.

How will you act without your massive floating head? 

I’ll be all right. 

Really? 

Yeah. Don’t need it. 

So when will this start?

First thing tomorrow morning I’m gonna fill my mouth with money and head off to the East End where I’ll let orphans reach in and grab as much as they want. Nil by Mouth? Not likely! Ha ha ha!

Ray Winstone will be starring as Marcel Proust in Remembrance of Things Past, released in 2020.

RAY WINSTONE AND TOM WILKINSON FIGHT IN A CARPARK

HOLLYWOOD -British character actors Ray Winstone and Tom Wilkinson were arrested in the early hours of Friday morning when police found the pair battered and bloodied having apparently fought in a car park behind Barnie’s Burger Grill in West Hollywood.

Friends of the two actors immediately leaped to their defense saying that bare knuckle fights were a regular occurrence. 

Richard E. Grant, who arrived at the police station to bail out his friends, spoke to waiting reporters:

Tom and Ray are best of friends, even though they are often up for the same roles. A party isn’t a party for the Jolly Bastards if at some point Ray and Tom don’t strip down to their undies and go at it, like they were back at the illegal East End boxing clubs where they first made their reputations. The number of times I’ve had to sew Ray’s ear back on…!

However, some witnesses said the fight seemed anything but friendly. Barnie’s regular, Donna Flagrance said:

The limey began to rail at the other limey, something about why doesn’t he get on Noah’s boat and wouldn’t let up, though the other limey was getting obviously upset and started shouting something about wanting ‘The Full Monty’. Before anyone could stop them they had both stripped down to their knickers and were knocking the stuffing out of each other.  

Ray Winstone and Tom Wilkinson both refused to talk with the press but have been cautioned.