MELBOURNE – Eyes Wide Shut and BMX Bandits star Nicole Kidman has today announced that she will ‘no longer be making good films’.

The Australian superstar told Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

I’ve come to that stage in my career where for every good film I make, there are at least three very poor ones and it only serves to confuse my many fans and/or detractors. Just as they think I’ve come good with a The Hours, or Rabbit Hole, up pops a slew of Grace of Monacos and Australias. It’s exhausting, so from now on I’m going to concentrate my energy on just making completely missable muck and adverts for pongy perfume.

Fans of Miss Kidman greeted the revelation with jubilation.

Jonty Beirs, President of the Nicole Kidman Fan Club, said:

It’s about time she stopped worrying about making those challenging films, the poor lamb. I don’t give a hoot for artist quality or any of that tripe. I just want to see Nicole enjoying herself and relaxing for once. She seems so tense all the time. You just want to see her lit rip, the little darling.

However, some have said that Nicole is set for a resurgence and if that is so the Studio Exec will be the first to happily eat his words with ranch sauce.

Nicole Kidman will next be seen in Paddington.