BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY FREDDIE’S REVENGE BEGINS SHOOTING

HOLLYWOOD – Bohemian Rhapsody Freddie’s Revenge begins shooting at Pinewood Studios today.

The highly anticipated sequel to the Oscar winning rock biopic will star Robert Englund as Freddie Mercury as Bohemian Rhapsody Freddie’s Revenge begins shooting.

The sequel, which has not been sanctioned by any of the band members apart from John Deacon, (you know, the boring one who played bass) and will star Robert Englund as Freddie Mercury. Englund first gained fame by playing another Freddie in the A Nightmare On Elm Street franchise. The Exec caught up with Robert as he prepped for the role:

What Made You Want To Play The Iconic Singer, Freddie Mercury?

I won’t be playing him as a singer. In our movie Freddie will be a murderous maniac, scarred by the terrible first film and will haunt the dreams of Roger Taylor and Brian May as revenge for that fucking awful movie. I’ll dress up in various skin tight onesies, chasing Roger and Brian around their dreams. I can just do my old Freddie Krueger shtick, but with a camp British accent. Stuff like ‘Ooh, look at my hammer to fall, bitch.’ Or ‘Ooh, who want’s to live forever? You can’t, bitch.’ And ‘Ooh, I’m a killer Queen, bitch.’ That’s comedy gold, right there.

Isn’t That A Little Far-Fetched?

You have seen the first film, haven’t you? It’s no more far-fetched that that pile of dog shit. Only, in this film, my microphone stand will be a sword. In one dream sequence, Freddie will chase Brian around dressed in a skin tight Badger onesie and bite him on his broken asshole and call him bitch all the time, of course.

Do You Think Queen Fans Will Go Along With This?

Look, if they’re happy to pay through the ass to see that Ben Elton bullshit We Will Rock You over and over again, who knows? The way I see it, Queen fans love a bit of camp. What’s more camp than me running about in a black leather cap, neck collar and trousers, chasing Roger Taylor dressed as a school girl. Fuck it, we’ll do it to the Benny Hill theme tune also. That’ll keep the Americans happy, they love all that shit.

Who Is Directing The Movie?

Russell Mulcahy. He ain’t doing much lately. You play the first 8 bars It’s A Kind Of Magic and he comes running. Sucker. It’s tragic, really.

Are You Concerned About The Reaction From Roger And Brian?

No way man. You make enough money for them, they’ll put their names onto any old shit. At the risk of repeating myself, have you seen Bohemian Rhapsody? How the fuck did that win an Oscar?

Bohemian Rhapsody II: Freddie’s Revenge is currently filming.

GUESS WHO’S REPLACING BRYAN SINGER DIRECTING QUEEN MOVIE?

HOLLYWOOD – Christopher Plummer will replaces Bryan Singer as the director of Queen movie Bohemian Rhapsody.

Once Bryan Singer departed Bohemian Rhapsody everyone knew what was coming. No sooner had Christopher Plummer finished filming his Kevin Spacey replacement scenes for Ridley Scott than he received a telephone call from someone calling themselves Mr. Robot:

A voice asked me if I would direct a film? Could I direct a film? I thought this very unusual, but I answered I’ve seen it done enough times. I think I should manage. Next thing I knew someone delivered a script to my door as well as a bunch of musicians.

No one has explained the mystery surrounding Singer’s removal. There were reports of a family illness. But also of disruptive behavior on the set, with a worsening relationship with his lead Rami Malek, who stars as Freddie Mercury. That latter hypothesis seems implausible given the asymmetric status of the two.

Adding more confusion is the fact that rumors linking Singer to child abuse claims have seen many assuming he would be joining the lengthening list of Hollywood disgrace. Plummer’s appointment indicates this might be the case.

We asked Christopher if he was aware of Queen.

I will admit that at first I said yes because I’ve always wanted to work with Helen Mirren.

Bohmeian Rhapsody will be released in 2019.

CHRISTIAN SLATER TO PLAY FREDDIE MERCURY’S IMAGINARY FATHER

HOLLYWOOD – Christian Slater has signed on to play Freddie Mercury’s imaginary father in a biopic of the Queen lead singer.

Hot on the heels of the news that Remi Malek is to play Freddie Mercury in the new biopic of the Queen frontman came another bombshell. His Mr. Robot co-star Christian Slater has signed on to play the singers ‘father’.

Christian spoke to the Studio Exec:

This is a great opportunity. Bryan Singer is a great director and as soon as I heard Remi was hired, I knew they’d want the set. I’m a huge fan of Queen. Of course. Freddie Mercury’s upbringing in Zanzibar and India was really interesting. His background as a Parsi is fascinating. And for years he was under the influence of a man he only knew of as Mr. Queen. Freddie was the only person who could see him. It was only later that it turned out that this was his father. His long dead father. A psychotic projection.

But that didn’t happen. His father survived him. 

Ah! That’s what you think.

Queen will be released in 2018.

ADELE: ‘PEOPLE VIDEO MY CONCERTS GET HANDS CHOPPED OFF’

HOLLYWOOD – Pop star Adele has promised that she will chop off the hands of anyone who she finds videoing her concerts on their mobile devices.

Everyone knows that Rolling in the Deep singer Adele doesn’t like people videoing her concerts but now it seems she is willing to go a little further in discouraging her fans from ‘not being in the moment’. Issuing a press release earlier today, the pop diva had this to say:

I want people to enjoy my music. I want them to come to my concerts and actually be there. Be mindful of the now. And so I have hired a security firm from Mexico and if they catch you filming my performance at my concert then they will take the offending limb.

Although radical, hand amputation is nothing new in the world of pop. Rock journalist Hampton Basheer told the Studio Exec:

This is a swing back to the Eighties when video cameras first began to appear. Freddie Mercury was dead against it and so Queen had a bunch of men with machetes watching the crowd. I remember going backstage once and finding this pile of arms right next to the cocaine. It was most upsetting, but it worked. No one saw a Queen concert except via the official Queen films.

Adele will be touring throughout 2016.

WERNER HERZOG SHOPS AT LIDL

In which our Austrian contributor, Fitzcarraldo director Werner Herzog, discusses his supermarket shopping habits.

If one is to ever fully comprehend the depths of ennui laced with the sharp jags of hyperactive stupidity that characterizes our post-millennial world, one could do a lot worse than go to a supermarket and gaze transfixed by something that would have had Andy Warhol eyes lighting up with avarice as he contemplates another sale of one of his ‘paintings’ and perhaps a fancy new wig as a treat for himself. I once met Andy Warhol and made the mistake of asking him how the soup had tasted – my Austrian sense of humor was perhaps too refined for this famously morose pop artist. He told me it tasted like tomatoes and then did a face which seemed to say ‘what did you expect dummkopf?’ Now what was I talking about? I’ve totally lost my thread. Was it something to do with Prince? I’ve always wondered if Prince was any relation to Queen. He would have been a perfect support act for them. Or for Elvis, for that matter. A vision appears to me of Freddie Mercury and Elvis sitting on thrones in Graceland with Prince, happily playing with his train set at their feet.

Supermarkets! I was thinking about supermarkets, but as often happens when I am in supermarkets I forget completely why I am there and my thoughts trail off. Lidl is by far my favorite European supermarket. To begin with it is very cheap and often you can find strange things you can’t find anywhere else. There are always surprising gadgets like apple corers or electric mosquito rackets. Or those swing ball games with the tennis ball and the string and you hit it and it swings around a pole in a way that can only be described as ghastly. The people who work at Lidl are all without a single exception suffering from the deepest depression. They are strictly forbidden from speaking Welsh if they can speak Welsh, and are forced to try and speak Welsh if they can’t. And ridiculed for their inept efforts. It truly is a miserable place. A little bit like Wales.

In this it is not dissimilar from Walmart.

I believe that Prince worked in a Walmart as a struggling young singer song writer. But of course I might have been misinformed about all of this.

For more wisdom from Werner Herzog, Click Here.