BLONDER BOND WEBSITE LAUNCHES

BREAKING NEWS – In a shock turnaround, internet fandom has done a complete 180 degree swivel as the Blonder Bond website launches. Bond fans around the world have flocked to the site as the Blonder Bond website launches its campaign for an even blonder James Bond after Daniel Craig hangs up the tuxedo. The Exec spoke exclusively with the website’s owners, who wish to remain anonymous.


Guys, thanks for joining us for this anonymous interview.

Guys? That’s a bit assumptive. We could be women or non-binary. You don’t know.

You’ve launched a website demanding who they cast as Bond in the next film. You’re 100% male.

Yeah, ok. Fair enough.

So, tell us about the website.

We were the ones behind the DanielCraigIsNotBond.com website. The tide seems to have turned against us a little. So we decided to launch another website to make sure the next Bond is even blonder. Really ramp up the blonde.

How Do You Respond To Claims That This Kind Of Fandom Is Toxic?

Who the fuck said that? Gimme their names and their twitter handles. I’ll set up a website and twitter campaign to fuck their shit right up. Bastards. Umm… what I meant to say was, not at all. I just want to engage with my film fan community and express my love for these films.

What Did You Think Of Quantum Of Solace?

If I ever hear anyone say anything good about that film, they’re dead to me. They are obviously wrong about everything they have ever posted about. They know nothing about films. Particularly James Bond films. Hah! I bet they think Roger Moore was too old to play Bond towards the end. Idiots.

What Do You Think About The Release The Snyder Cut Campaign?

Those liberal minded assholes? They were far too willing to bend to the will of the consensus. Dicks.

Who Do You Think Should Play The Next James Bond?

Pierce Brosnan in a blonde wig. Tarantino to direct.

No Time To Die Is Out In The UK At The End Of The Month

QUANTUM OF SOLACE IS THE BEST BOND MOVIE EVER

HOLLYWOOD – Daniel Craig’s second outing as secret agent 007 Quantum of Solace has been widely reviled but is actually the best Bond movie ever.

I’m putting it on the line here. Everyone had high expectations for the follow up to Daniel Craig’s brilliant debut as James Bond Casino Royale. But when Quantum of Solace hit the screens in 2008 there was a sense of dismay as Bond went too Bourne, Marc Foster’s hyper kinetic direction and  a sense of general confusion marred what should have been a triumphant second chapter. Many blamed the script strike which had Daniel Craig and Mathieu Amalric  trying to put scenes together themselves in the absence of a finished draft, or over enthusiasm on the part of the producers to cash in on the success of the first film.

However, re-watching Quantum of Solace I have to say it is the best Bond movie ever.  My reasons? Okay, if you insist.

The idea of starting the film directly from the end of Casino Royale sets the stage for the whole Craig cycle of Bond films. Of all the Bonds, Craig is unique in creating a through line and giving his character some genuine depth and development. In fact, even in Quantum of Solace, we see Craig change and learn. The only problem with this is that almost every Craig Bond is an origin story. Except perhaps Spectre, but even… well SPOILERS.

The film starts at 90 MPH and continues in pretty much the same vein all the way through. I admit that the first time I saw the film I found it difficult to keep track but every repeated viewing is a revelation. The action sequences have no fat on them at all. The lean economy means that Foster’s version is the shortest Bond at only an hour and a half and there’s something truly admirable by the way it disposes of car, boat and airplane chases without lingering for a second or giving you multiple angles when one will do.The fights are suitably brutal and even Bond skipping out of a hotel is done with such careless elan as to deserve a round of applause.

The script. Okay, there was this whole thing about the writer’s strike, but I like the confusion, the murk is curiously fitting. And this is the Bond with the least quips, frankly a part of the whole franchise that reached its apotheosis with Goldfinger’s ‘shocking’ and has been on a law of diminishing returns ever since. With not much talking, the long winded exposition goes out of the window and instead we have a series of pithy summaries. M (Judi Dench) and Felix Leiter (Jeffrey Wright) actually get some really interesting political scenes to play with and this is one of the more subtle Bond films when it comes to assessing the geopolitical role of the secret service in the pre-Snowden but post 9/11 world.

Olga Kurylenko is a great character and doesn’t sleep with Bond and the characters around Bond begin to form a consistently believable universe, including Matthias (Giancarlo Giannini) and Mr. White (Jesper Christensen). And although Skyfall was rightly praised for Roger Deakins’ cinematography, but Roberto Schaefer’s camera work is stunning. The scene at the Austrian Opera House is beautifully done, impressionistic almost with the soundtrack dropping out. All the locations are given a sumptuous treatment, with Haiti and Sienna captured marvelously, and never has the desert seemed so parched.

Okay I will admit that the exploding hotel is a problem and is where the film rather depressingly reverts to type. Something has to blow up towards the end, but a hotel seems a tad random and here we really feel the lack of ideas. However, that said almost all Bond films have disappointing finales where everything goes boom and the baddie gets his. Pyrotechnics taking over from any real sense of satisfactory conclusion. In fact it is the quiet coda in a snowy Russia which is the real conclusion of the film and a deeply satisfying one at that.

I recognize I’m swimming against the tide of Bond opinion here and will be happy to read any comments you might have below and respond to them, if I can.

For the review of SPECTRE CLICK HERE.

SPECTRE – REVIEW

SPECTRE – REVIEW: Daniel Craig returns for what might be his final outing as 007 in an entertaining James Bond adventure.

James Bond is in Mexico and doing stuff and M says ‘What’s going on?’ and then a slimy political type from the last Mission Impossible film goes ‘I’m going to take over. You’re all complete bobbins’ and then Bond is suspended and then he goes off and does stuff on his own and it all connects to all the other films and Monica Bellucci is in black and goes ‘oh meester Bond’ and he goes ‘yeah’ and they do it and then there are car chases and there is Rome and then Austria and then Tangiers and Bond never flies Ryan Air and now he’s with that girl from Blue is the Warmest Color and she goes ‘touch me and I’ll kill you’ and he goes ‘okay’ but later he touches her and she doesn’t seem to mind, which is called character arc, and then there’s Christoph Waltz and he’s okay and he goes ‘back story back story unexpected (totally expected) revelation and boom goes Bond, several times.

Is Spectre the best Bond? No, but it is the most ordinary one and I liked that. It didn’t have the freshness of Casino Royale, or the weird production drama and scriptlessness of Quantum of Solace. Nor did it have the grandeur of Skyfall. It felt like an episode, but a good one and although it’s a long film with a bit of middle aged sag in the middle, I liked spending time with the character and his little alphabet soup of friends.

Six Stars out of five.

For more Reviews, Click Here.

DISNEY BUY JAMES BOND

HOLLYWOOD – Closing a year that have seen the acquisition of Indiana Jones and Star Wars, Disney have gone on a last minute spending spree and bagged the 007 franchise as well.

The character rights of James Bond, M, Q and the longest running popular movie franchise will now be under the control of the House of the Mouse after Michael G. Wilson and Barbara Broccoli succumbed to an offer that was ‘just too good to refuse’.

Eon Productions issued a statement announcing the acquisition this morning.

It is with great pleasure and joy that we announce that Eon Productions and the rights to the James Bond series have been bought by the Disney Company. We are confident that this move will cement the future of the franchise well into the next century.

A spokesperson for Disney remarked:

We are delighted to have bagged 007 and we reassure all Bond fans that we won’t be changing this beloved twinkly eyed charmer at all. He’ll still be singing and dancing with cartoon penguins just as he has throughout his career as super spy and rescuer of kittens extraordinaire.

It  is understood that the takeover has happened in time for the next James Bond film, starring Daniel Craig and directed by Sam Mendes, to be released under the imprimatur of the Walt Disney studio. 

A Modicum of Whimsy is to be released in 2015.