HOLLYWOOD – We found 5 potatoes that look like Mr Robot star Christian Slater.

Christian Slater – star of Pump up the Volume, Heathers and Broken Arrow – has always vaguely resembled a potato. Imagine our horror and confusion when we found a series of potatoes that look exactly like the sub-Jack Nicholson star! 


potato 2


potato 3

Potato 2 was sent in by Alfie Garnett and he wrote: ‘I found this wonderful potato in my garden I was about to peel it when my wife said “that looks just like that actor who used to be famous.”‘         

Potato 3 comes courtesy of celebrity chef Nigella Lawson, though she might have been a little fuzzy at the time. She accompanied it with an email about how ‘I’m going to completely clear the kitchen out when I come across this unbelievable root vegetable that looks identical to the star of erm… Young Guns I want to say?’       
Potato 4

Potato 4 was flown in from Japan where it was discovered by cult film director ‘Beat’ Takeshi: ‘I hate Christian Slater and was revolted at the idea of eating a potato that looks like him. So I made chips. Ha ha!’

Potato 5 – perhaps the most perfect Christian Slater like potato – was so arrogantly breezy about its resemblance to The Name of the Rose star that the potato turned up at the Critics Choice Awards, claiming it was actually Christian Slater. 
potato 5


HOLLYWOOD – It was revealed today that Christian Slater has spent the whole of the last twenty years spreading freedom via his anonymous radio show Pump Up the Volume.

Sources close to the Heathers actor, reported that Mr. Slater in the early nineties decided to sacrifice his own career as a film actor and dedicate himself to fighting for the rights of the dispossessed and those without a voice. 

He began in Nicaragua, and then spent a year with some Amazonian tribes in the depths of the Rain Forest. He’s been to Haiti, Somalia, Afghanistan, the Democratic Republic of the Congo and Nepal. He’s even been into North Korea. He turns up in his mobile radio truck and plays Leonard Cohen’s ‘Everybody Knows’ and then lays down the truth. He was very inspired by the fall of the Berlin Wall and the release of Nelson Mandela and for some reason believed he was instrumental in both events.  

Hollywood insiders were now considering ‘case closed’ on one of the abiding mysteries of recent film history, of how the ‘most versatile actor of his generation’ (John Travolta) had not achieved his full potential. Political commentators have already started rewriting recent world history to take into account the Slater effect. ‘We know for a fact the Arab Spring is entirely Slater’s doing,’ said one analyst. ‘Who knows how big the impact has been?’

Somewhere out there, in the dark night of oppression, a light is shining, and Christian Slater is going to work.