5 STORIES WE DIDN’T WRITE

HOLLYWOOD – There are a number of stories in the past that have been attributed to the Studio Exec which were not our work and we would like in the interests of clarity and intellectual honesty to make this abundantly clear. Here is a list of stories which have caused some confusion.

1. Matthew McConaughey’s Oscar acceptance speech

2. James Franco to play Tommy Wiseau. Although nowadays each journalist has been issued with an automatic James Franco headline generator, this one stood out as almost identical to something we would publish, but alas it was not our doing. If it goes ahead, and there are only rumors at the moment, the universe will probably implode on its own stupidity.

3. Private Benjamin remake to star Rebel Wilson. Or for that matter Lethal Weapon reboot to star Chris Hemsworth.

4.  Miley Cyrus singing to a huge inflatable model of her dead dog.

5. Justin Bieber just being. 

For more FACTS however, CLICK here.

NEW PLAN TO REMAKE REMAKES WHILE THEY’RE BEING REMADE

HOLLYWOOD – With originality as popular as ass cancer in Hollywood at the moment, studios have just launched a plan on how to make sure they never have to touch an original idea again: to remake remakes which are already in production.

An insider told Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY about the industry wide plan, known by its code name ‘Double Whammy’: 

There are only so many remakes available because of the quickly vanishing seam of old films that were any good. We’re also doing TV shows and toys, games and comic books and films that weren’t particularly good, naturally, but even so sometimes there’s a gap in the schedule and some bullshit like Wolf of Wall Street or 12 Years a Slave slips through.

The plan looks to double the number of films that can be remade by remaking films which are already in the process of being remade:

We got the idea from the Amazing Spider-Man series at Sony. It works like this. Private Benjamin is currently being prepped with Rebel Wilson. Well, we’re going to piggy back the production with a remake of that version but starring Kate Hudson and we’re going to put it out in a year or so after the release. Ditto Point Break. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles already has a prequel in the works.  

The Blog-o-sphere has been divided by the news with the Geek-o-verse jizzing while people who like films redrafting suicide notes from 1987, before realizing the awful irony. 

Private Benjamin and Point Break will be released in 2015 to be followed in 2016 by The Amazing Private Benjamin and Point Amazing Break