5 SUPERHERO FILMS THAT NEED TO BE REMADE

MARVEL-WOOD – If there’s one thing we don’t have enough of it’s 1. original ideas and 2. superhero movies.

So combining the two, Studio Exec has come up with a bunch of pre-existing properties that, although successful, have not fulfilled their superhero franchise potential and are therefore ripe for exploitation  re-imagining.

The Elephant Man: By day John Merrick is a lowly circus freak, haunting the bowels of Victorian London, but by night he is crime fighter Elephant Man, shocking and paralyzing evil doers everywhere with his incredible ugliness, hitting them with his cane and bellowing his catchphrase – ‘I am not an animal.’

2. Rain Man: Dustin Hoffman returns as the card counting, matchstick auditing Rain Man who, after being hit by lightning, is gifted with the ability to control the weather. Drizzle attack! Down pour! Manchester, England!   

3. Bi-centennial Man: Once every two hundred years, crime has a new enemy!

4.  Pretty Woman: By day she’s a beautiful woman living with a mild mannered millionaire, but by night … she’s a prostitute!

5.  12 Angry Men: 12 Men all (save one) armed with indifference, prejudice or just a need to get home and watch the ball game, but together they will (eventually after a really long discussion) right wrong and bring justice to an unjust world. 

All films will be released in 2018. And most will star Benedict Cumberbatch.

JULIA ROBERTS SELLS HER SMILE TO THE CHINESE

BEIJING – Following George Lucas’ sale of the Star Wars franchise to Disney, Julia Roberts announced today that the Chinese government have successfully acquired her smile for the cool sum of $6 billion.

The representative for the Chinese Government speaking in Beijing today said that the People’s Democratic Republic of China were delighted at having acquired such a valuable asset. Ms. Roberts was forced to sell her smile when her heavy investments in a new TV show called Pigs Fighting led to heavy losses which, coupled with an addiction to Role Playing Games, saw the Pretty Woman at her wits’ end.
Although some sources have suggested that the Chinese want to use the smile for military purposes, as a kind of missile shield for instance, the Chinese insist that it is going to be used for public good “Just, you know, to make everyone feel better about themselves.”
Ms. Roberts was unavailable for comment.