VAN DAMME’S PREDATOR ROLE IN PREY REVEALED

HOLLYWOOD – With the general release of the latest film in the Predator franchise, Prey we can reveal Jean Claude ‘Muscles From Brussels’ Van Damme’s Predator role in Prey. Reprising his role as The Predator from the 1987 all action blockbuster was a tough decision and not something he took lightly. We spoke with his manager, Herschel Mince about the star’s part in the film.

It Must Have Been Tough Keeping Van Damme’s Predator Role In Prey A Secret

You’re god damned right it was. Jean Claude was up every morning at 2am, getting into costume and makeup. He lived away from all the actors and crew. Nobody on set ever even knew it was him. Not even the director, Dan Trachtenberg. I took a job as a runner and wore a disguise. It was a set of Groucho Marx glasses and moustache. Nobody suspected a thing.

Why Were You There?

So I could feed him at lunch times. That way, no-one would get near him and raise suspicion. I would plop bits of sandwich and potato chips into his mandibles. Although I always to go easy on the mayo. It could get hot and smelly in there.

What About Going To The Bathroom?

He couldn’t take a piss on his own as he couldn’t take any of the costume off. So I had to rummage around in there and hold his winky for him. I even had to open the zipper around the back when he had to make dirt. Y’know what I mean. Have you ever seen a Predator having its ass wiped? I’ve seen things man. Taco Tuesdays were always the worst.

Why Didn’t You Use A Mo-Cap Suit?

Mo-what?

Mo-Cap or motion capture. Just Like They Did With Gollum In The Lord Of The Rings.

Well, I’ll be god-dammed.

You Mean Van Dammed, LOL!

Shut the fuck up.

Prey Is Currently Streaming On Disney+

PREDATOR TO REPLACE HENRY CAVILL AS SUPERMAN

PREDATOR TO REPLACE HENRY CAVILL AS SUPERMAN

The Man of Steel gets a new actor as Henry Cavill flies off and the Predator steps in.

Warner Bros have announced that the new Superman will be the Predator in a crossover that many fans are hailing as ‘inspired’, ‘genius’ and ‘dumb’. A spokesperson for the studio said:

“It’s amazing because it fits so neatly. They both come from space. They both have superpowers and then there’s the romantic interest which Predator hasn’t really had an opportunity to explore yet. Predator is a super action star but he never got the chance to truly explore his range. He can do comedy, easily. And what with the origami face, he’s so flexible.”

Predator himself told Hollywood Reporter:

“Well, obviously I’m thrilled. Finally, I get to really show people what I’ve got and it’s not just hunting humans and fighting xenomorphs. I’ve already done ‘v’ films so we also have that in common. I’m also writing a novel.”

Superman v Alien will be released in 2020.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

DWAYNE THE ROCK JOHNSON AND KEVIN HART SIGN ON FOR PREDATOR

HOLLYWOOD – Predator remake to star Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson and Kevin Hart.

Kevin Hart and Dwayne ‘the Rock’ Johnson are to star in a remake of the 80s action classic Predator.

The official synopsis reads:

Dwight (Hart) and Toby (Johnson) are on holiday with their wives in Peru when they find a treasure map. As they search for the treasure however they get lost in the jungle.  Their troubles have only just started as they realize an alien is hunting them.

Director Shane Black spoke for the first time about his vision of the film:

It’s going to be a lot lighter. After The Nice Guys, I realized that this approach could work with anything. Action and adventure mixes with comedy and gross out humor. Kevin and Dwayne work well together. They bring a magic which frankly Carl Weathers and Arnold Schwarzenegger never had.

The Predator Vacation will be released in 2018.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT PREDATOR 2

HOLLYWOOD – Frankly the FACT squad were bored, and so they got drunk and watched a film on cable. And here are the 5 FACTS about Predator 2 which is (aside from headaches) the only result of that sad evening.

1. Danny Glover’s trousers are scary. Although supposed to be a hard ass, Dirty Harry type of loose cannon, the only thing loose about Danny is his waistband and weird chalky strides. He does a lot of swearing but there’s a Walter Matthau vibe going on that makes you feel that the Xenomorphs are just pesky kids who have kicked a ball into his yard.

2. Some people say Predator 2 is not as good as Predator, and this is the only occasion in the history of film criticism, that some people have been right.

3. Gary Busey and Adam Baldwin were cast as the strait laced government men!

4. Arnold Schwarzenegger was not in this film because he asked for money. He apparently not only wanted money but also wanted to branch out into acting and felt that the Predator series wasn’t giving him the opportunity.

5. This was the first film in which the sound torch beams make was finally realistically realized. Every time a torch beam passes the camera it makes a whooshing sound.

For more MOVIE FACTS Click Here.

ALIEN VS PREDATOR VS PROMETHEUS IS GO

HOLLYWOOD – Paul W.S. Anderson (who recently was revealed to be the same person as Paul Thomas Anderson, CLICK HERE) has confirmed that his next film will be Alien Vs. Predator Vs. Prometheus:

Speaking with the Studio Exec, Anderson said the follow up to Prometheus will be ‘like one big xenomorph tag team.’

Anderson is obviously enthused at the prospect of AVP(VP) and says the script is already finished and filming is ready to begin. 

I basically knocked it out in an afternoon. Funny thing is I rang Damon Lindeloff to boast and he told me Prometheus has taken less time to write than it took to watch. Like I’m sitting at the feet of the master. Hey, Master, The Master, get it?


The film will take place in the same universe as the Alien and Predator franchises and will also involve ‘Engineers’ and a really stupid bunch of humans.

That was the brilliance of Prometheus. Usually if you’re writing characters who I supposed to be really brainy it’s really difficult, but Damon made the scientists dumb asses, that was almost like the “autobiographical” element.

Alien Vs. Predator Vs. Prometheus will be released in October 2016 and will star various wives.

SCHWARZENEGGER REPLACES DOWNEY. JR FOR SHERLOCK HOLMES 3

HOLLYWOOD – After Robert Downey Jr announced that he had ‘better things to do’ and stepped away from the Sherlock Holmes franchise, producer Joel Silver has decided to go back to his eighties roots and re-team with his Commando and Predator star Arnold Schwarzenegger for Sherlock Holmes: The Scarlet Helicopter.

Silver had this to say about the subject:

The one problem I had with the previous two films in the series were that there was not one helicopter in either film, and I, Joel Silver, find that completely unacceptable, unfortunately Warner Bros. said to me that there was no way I was ruining their cash cow by adding a helicopter into the films for no reason. Also that it didn’t make sense during that time period. With Rob now gone, they’ve told me I can basically do what I like with it now  as they don’t care, so Arnold is Holmes, Jesse Ventura is Watson and the helicopter is the villain so I think we’re on to something here.

Holmes’ new nemesis



When asked about the news Arnold told us “I’m back!” but when reminded that this is the first movie his been involved with in the series he said “I’ll be back!” He promised “less mystery and more muscles.” Walter Hill or Ivan Reitman have both been touted as possible directors. Jesse Ventura also made a statement, but fortunately nobody was listening as everyone had lost interest.

Sherlock Holmes and the Scarlet Helicopter will be released Xmas 2015.

ARNIE DID SAN DIEGO: SHOCK REVELATION

 

SAN DIEGO – Following on from his earlier revelations of sexual shenanigans, including a raunchy affair with Brigitte Nielsen, Arnold Schwarzenegger former California Governor and Predator and Jingle all the Way star admitted to having ‘done’ much of San Diego.

‘There were perhaps one or two neighbourhoods I missed but I’m pretty sure I did more or less everyone who it was legal to do,’ said Arnie, who has kicked back and let loose with the secrets in his forthcoming memoir Total Recall. ‘I worked on a grid system so I wouldn’t miss anyone.’

Ask why he was so irresistible to men and women, the multi-millionaire body builder and action movie superstar looks baffled, ‘I don’t know. The accent perhaps?’
 
Conan the Destroyer – as he likes to be known – is currently back on our screens in The Expendables 2 and has a whole slate of films lined up including Triplets which he is hoping will give him a chance to get it on with his co-star Danny DeVito. ‘I have a lot of affectionate memories of Danny,’ Arnie said.
 
When asked to respond to the claims DeVito said that Arnie is a fantasist. ‘I love Arnie but I’m happily married and I’m from New Jersey,’ the Taxi star assured Studio Exec. ‘We certainly didn’t Jingle all the way.’