SYRIAN CIVIL WAR PAUSES AS KRISTEN STEWART AND ROBERT PATTINSON REUNITE

DAMASCUS – Today the guns outside Aleppo fell silent, in the Middle East Palestinian militants and Israeli settlers broke bread, children from North and South Korea met on the DMZ and danced to the sound of an old Paul McCartney record.

Is it true? Is the news really true? Are Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson back together (in time for the blu-ray release of the Twilight Saga’s final installment, Breaking Dawn: Part Two)?
 Studio Exec can exclusively reveal – along with much of the world’s press and many thousands of internet sites – that yes someone who said something who knows someone has said that yes, the great misery guts, bong-toker and mope-face Kristen Stewart has sought and received the forgiveness of the toothsome Mr. Pattinson. President Obama and Governor Romney joined together on the lawn of the Rose Garden and Mitt – playing acoustic guitar and singing harmony – went through six of their favorite Simon and Garfunkel songs.

The new Pope issued a statement saying that usually he hates young people and love and all that ‘shit’ but he has always loved K.Stew and R.Patz and was ‘stoked’ for the final film in the Mormon vampire epic.

Can this be the new dawn? The dare we say it Breaking Dawn Part Two of a new era?

Even as we write these words news has reached us that the ice caps have decided to freeze back up and scientist agree that global warming has somehow miraculously been reversed. By the power of love.

MICHAEL MOORE SECRETLY FILMING IN CONCLAVE

ROME  – Reports are coming in that controversial film maker Michael Moore has managed to penetrate Vatican security and smuggle an entire camera crew into the conclave.

An anonymous source, believed to be a member of the papal Swiss guard told The Studio Exec that although there has been no communication with conclave and the outside world about Michael Moore, suspicion has been aroused.

At the last minute we had three Cardinals turn up from America who nobody had ever heard of. Cardinal Washington was extremely tall with a very long neck which we now suspect was a boom mic. Cardinal Jefferson claimed the suitcase he was carrying was a portable dialysis machine and Cardinal Lincoln told us the large rucksack on his back was his packed lunch. We never had time to check their credentials as the door was about to close so we just ushered them in.

Moore is suspected of leading the infiltration after he started posting on his twitter account that he was in conclave.

We thought he was joking around.” said his agent Ross Flake. “But it seems Mike is actually in there!”